hi guys. new into rhyming, please make your comments for improvement.

[kelvinc1989]

As you look up to the sky,
Fly, but only is so high,
It isn’t simple like popping a pimple to make that dimple.
Triple meaning,
Screening like a puppet show for the defiance,
As you think it’s an alliance,
Thinking it’s the guidance, but kept in silence
Our truth,
A wise guy, having an evil eye.
Crack, everyone celebrating the 4th of July,
Dependence is accurate than adequate lies towards immaculate.
Heal but move forward,
Terra forming your own soul, but not sold for some metal that we think,
Can give up your closest friend and cheat without even a blink.
Illusion, delusion, greed and control fusion.

Truth hurts but what’s a man that can’t take the most astonishing fact.
Intact that atoms are the seed of the life on earth that is traceable, unlockable and not clone able.
Under the condensed stars,
Mars, but same in every planet is simply live but don’t break or its parallel bars.
We are all part of this universe,
Many people feel small, but I feel big,
It the fundamental molecules like heat and oxygen,
I breathe and transform,
Conform to be stronger with self-discipline connection not to deform.
I started this myself, every day is like an assassination,
Surprise attacks,
But I’m getting smarter by the day
Tables are turning,
Sit with me and pray
Up to the sky we look,
The best things are never arrived at in haste. God is in no hurry; His plans are never rushed.
So brush and know yourself, take oneself out and share the knowledge itself.

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

Welcome to RapBattles.com kelvinc1989

[kelvinc1989]

Thanks man, appreciate it. comment if you could, i really wanna improve.

[Amen]

This is the welcome thread. You will not get feedback here. Post in the openmic section. That's where you will get feed for the most part.

But welcome.

[makengknowcentz]

welcome here and I like to be honest you have potential skill is there but simplistic format is your flaw. don't stress everything evolves in time and I see it as if you have foundation you cannot be garbage so you are not garbage and I would like to keep up with your progress