The Beauty Of The Moth

[Truth Iscariot]

It’s a drastic attempt
To understand
The Beauty of The Moth
Without encouragement
It flies
In a graceful flutter
Above the pollution of disrespect
And neglect
Served to him
Unlike his brother
The Butterfly
No one gawks at his perfection
No one realizes
The same metamorphosis
And lessons apply
To his unwanted frame
The Moth knows the hardships
But not the fame
The Moth knows the rules
To this wicked game
Called Life
Throughout his existence
His presence is seen as burden
With each flutter
An obscenity is muttered
It’s a drastic attempt
To understand
The Beauty of The Moth
But this lesson need be learned
Despite the oh so steep cost
Of changing perspectives

[Emily]

This is really beautiful.

The line “Above the pollution of disrespect” is great. I like the way you worded that.

And then…”And neglect, Served to him, Unlike his brother, The Butterfly”

How crazy is that? You wrote what I’ve thought many times before.
That’s awesome that you were able to put that down so eloquently.
It’s so unfair that one is considered bad and the other is considered beautiful.

“No one realizes, The same metamorphosis, And lessons apply, To his unwanted frame”
…makes me want to cry.
Really well put.

“The Moth knows the hardships
But not the fame
The Moth knows the rules
To this wicked game
Called Life
Throughout his existence
His presence is seen as burden
With each flutter
An obscenity is muttered
It’s a drastic attempt
To understand”

I normally don’t like a lot of non-rhyming poetry, but I think this is really pretty and true and poetic and lovely.

I don’t think I’ve read anything by you before Truth Iscariot, so it was a pleasure to read your work.

I’ll finish it off with …

“The Beauty of The Moth
But this lesson need be learned
Despite the oh so steep cost
Of changing perspectives”

So dam true.
Loved it.
Great read.

[Ryon]

I thought this would be different...

I shouldnt have clicked.




Naw, jp

I loved it.

[Android]

I liked this. It was an interesting concept and i've never really seen it that way before. lol The only thing that irks me is the lack of punctuation but ayo. That's just me.

Above the pollution of disrespect
And neglect
Served to him
Unlike his brother
The Butterfly
No one gawks at his perfection
No one realizes
The same metamorphosis
And lessons apply

This was my favourite part. Seems like a metaphor for actual brothers and sisters, not sure if that's what you were going for but there's always one who is perfect in the parents eyes while the other can be no good no matter what effort they put in. Deep stuff for a poem about moths. xD lol Overall it was nice. Enjoyed it. Keep it up Truth.

[Smurk856]

It’s a drastic attempt
To understand
The Beauty of The Moth
Without encouragement
It flies
In a graceful flutter
Above the pollution of disrespect
And neglect
Served to him
DOPE OPENING NICE LIL WORD PLAY

Unlike his brother
The Butterfly
No one gawks at his perfection
No one realizes
The same metamorphosis
And lessons apply
To his unwanted frame
The Moth knows the hardships
But not the fame
The Moth knows the rules
To this wicked game
Called Life
FAVORITE LINES BY FAR

Throughout his existence
His presence is seen as burden
With each flutter
An obscenity is muttered
It’s a drastic attempt
To understand
The Beauty of The Moth
But this lesson need be learned
Despite the oh so steep cost
Of changing perspectives

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN REAL LIFE AND MOTH WAS VERY CREATIVE I ENJOYED IT ALOT

[Truth Iscariot]

much thanks bro

[Smurk856]

Np at all

[Karaoshi]

@Truth Iscariot

First thing I'll say is never write a one-stanza run-on poem. It's hard to read, it FEELS amateurish, and you'll lose reader's interest just from looking at it before they even start reading. Break that shit up.

First three lines should be stanza one: Cool, I liked it, you're saying that sometimes beauty is not a readily obvious thing, but that doesn't mean it's not there; it doesn't reduce its value. You just have to be willing to search and find it. Nice.

"Without encouragement...served to him" - Here is the beauty of the moth. It does its thing, heedless of what others think. Maybe others disrespect him, maybe they neglect him. He doesn't take that on himself, he just keeps doing his thing and living his life and being himself. He has a beautiful soul. Great stuff. I didn't like the rhyming of disrespect and neglect; when your poem has no real rhyming structure, throwing one in randomly like that feels uncomfortable, it doesn't read well. Other than that, strong lines.

The anti-simile is nice, unlike his brother, you both connect the butterfly and moth as being so similar they are practically family, and disconnect them with the "unlike"; they are not exactly the same. I think this was the real strength of the piece, comparing the moth to the butterfly (and moreover, comparing human reactions to each). Personally I would have preferred if you juxtaposed the two rather than telling us they're unlike, but it still works, and it is still a strong concept.

"game called life" - this hurt your piece. It's hard to talk about life without being cliche, but this particular way of doing it is exceptionally cliche. try coming up with your own way of saying life... "In this game called life" is the same as "In this playground of sunsets" but one is cliche where the other is less so. That said, I liked your use of "wicked" to give Life its own characteristic identity.

The repetition of "It’s a drastic attempt/To understand/The Beauty of The Moth" worked beautifully, and really underlined the message of the piece. I don't think this poem would have worked half so well without this repetition. It doesn't work for all poems, but here it was excellent. You start with a statement. Then explain, and explore it. Then you reiterate the statement, and finish with the moral. This whole poem is a mini essay, and THAT is its real genius. One story, one message, the whole way through. Thoroughly and effectively dissected to use the example of something non-human to portray a flaw in the human psychology. We value most what is most obviously beautiful.

Fantastic writing, anyone looking to drop a piece should read this first.