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Thread: Galil

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Galil



    Breathing in gum disease, I'm leaning in to some degree,
    beating drums of debris, leaving the blood of sons discreet.
    Dreaming of lovely seas, nothing seems ugly in my sleep,
    empathy is a bludgeoning swing to the fluttering wings of creed.
    Believing in soldier's lies, retreating from over the sky,
    deceiving older minds simply by deleting the bolder Rhys.
    Holding my weapon close, loading lessons with every dose,
    knowing the deception most when hoping messes with my pose.
    Coping, left with my woes, a lonely presence questions the hoax,
    floating, blessed with a ghost, a glowing essence beckons my post.
    Mother used to sing songs about lovers who dream on,
    brother blew things up, flustered by the rues of freedom.
    Trouble drew quickly... we stumbled into a noose trap,
    he struggled to lift me, my muscles begin to loosen and snap.
    That's when I see them, the demons sneaking through the back,
    I didn't need a reason to grease them, greeting troops with a blast.
    I felt the rope getting tighter as it held my throat with desire,
    shells on the road tire as I grow frail and choke... and dire...
    I told him to flee, to throw his uniform away and grow free,
    this undertow doesn't need two more, only a taste to show peace.
    He disappeared into the appeal, hopefully clear of this deal,
    my fear for him is surreal... [peering into the field]
    My brother left his shield, as I hung there, my neck concealed,
    another death too unreal, fingers still clung to the rest of my Galil.

  2. #2
    Kept on a short leash
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    Re: Galil

    I kind of wanted to throw a barb at you for this...

    BUT...

    This was quite the written piece. The text battles are so dumbed down that I sometimes forget that good written pieces like this one will come in. I usually don't give a shit about structure, but this one read real well.

    I have made fun of you quite a lot, but this is quite a great piece. I'm impressed... and I practically never say that. Teach those faggots in the Gauntlet how to write.

  3. #3

  4. #4
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    Re: Galil

    I need you in sacred scriptures to remind me what it's about... plus HALF the shit I can't relate to so I'm losing interest.... Please join!!!! @Antihero (I think I know your pen)

  5. #5
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    Re: Galil

    Last edited by CLA919; April 17th, 2014 at 03:56 AM Reason: cai's link isn't working

  6. #6
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Galil

    Eh, not enough time or motivation for battling anymore.

  7. #7
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    This was pretty damn dope, I'm actually glad you asked me to read it because I really enjoyed it. A breath of fresh air into the OM section and really inspires me to get back into topicals. The rhyme scheme was damn near flawless, it flowed very nicely. Your word choice was great, had very vivid imagery. This has all the ingredients of a HOF piece, the only complaint I can find is I was left wanting to read more as this was pretty much just a verse long, still it was ill. Good job Dagel.

    If you would could you feed on

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ruth-Iscariot)

    AI

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  8. #8
    Soule
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    Re: Galil

    Thanks bruh, probably the last piece I'll post unless I get inspired again lol.

  9. #9
    Revolution II OG Maestro's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    Interfuge rhyming + a Story is a win in my book.

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  10. #10
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    Saved. I just left fb but guess didnt go through fml. Dagel ill feed this asap promise!
    AI

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  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Venom's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    Damn son
    I wish you had feat me on this. I don't know if this steeze is the norm for you but it certainly would mesh well with mine.The steady multi's and description didn't suffer from them which is very good. The structure was good, nice clean and presentable. The rhyme scheme was very atypical but refresging all the same. It shows your ability to flip words with an almost athletic precision....fairly scheme intensive I must say which I love to do myself.
    The picture also aided the message nicely. Well done. Stay up homie. Peace

  12. #12
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    my lord. You packed a lot of content in this verse. I like the cadence you had going to in the beginning almost playing to the innocence of the character. Technicals were on point and fuck your flow nicca...jk...your flow is what brought out the most in the verse. I always like the movement that you pull off when you write. But the content in itself was vivid as fuck. thought I was in the middle east or something.

  13. #13
    Soule
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    Re: Galil

    Thanks fam fam.

  14. #14
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Galil

    Wow. What a full on piece. The imagery is loving you. The flow and storyline are divine.
    I love the words you use.
    The picture is amazing. You've got some doozy internals running through and your rhymes are spot on.
    I really like the content a lot. Your sensitive nature for harsh matters stands out, and you inspire me.
    Thanks for this.
    Great read.
    Last edited by Emily; April 18th, 2014 at 09:21 AM

  15. #15
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Galil

    Thanks y'all.

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