User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Adapt and Overcome.

  1. #1
    Legend.
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    England
    Posts
    9,059
    Battle Record
    41-0
    Awards Haiku Champion - Award Request Accepted FL Champion - Award Request Accepted Haiku Season Champion PC HOF FL Tournament Winner 25+ Wins

    Adapt and Overcome.

    Adapt and Overcome.

    " Denial and Heartbreak, Tis great "

    Constant memoires of past indulgents - weild pain
    my emotions are drained, and what reigns is insane
    permanent shackled dreams for my blood it screams,
    constant lifelines gleam but quiver me it seems.
    I've realised i'm alone, i have nothing at all
    its to hard to enthrawl, i hear my conscience call,
    through diver winds, economy falls im left to crawl
    i cannot recall an instance hense its why i scrawl.

    " No Money...None at All "

    A labarinthe of thoughts mangled frantically -
    a weary feeling of hate built up botanically -
    I understand i have no money, why him? its funny
    when hatreds sweet and abyss runs smooth like fluid.

    " Murder!! Why does it sound ever so sweet? "

    I have blood on my hands, i crave it, it demands...
    what have i done ? why ? i have blood on my hands -
    deaths a hot prospect i'm evil, what did you expect
    so why? i'm mad don't show off - i'm riled and erect.

    " Demons Eat me, They're everywhere "

    My minds a far cry, i wallow in pity and cannot ecsape
    its astray from my usual feelings yet astray from scape
    The darkness shines on me, its shielding brings bitterness
    To far to regress, and possibly suppress i utterly transgress.

    Well, why not get on with it, canister my emotions
    Normal life - a possible notion, why not then put words in motion.
    I've dealt with it, i'm adapting to life its duely noted
    and ditributed upon thoughts - I'm perfectly devoted.

    " Living outside the womb, conquering the box..."

    To overcome is to stare into the face of danger -
    to stare down the barrel of a gun or pee into the wind...
    To overcome is to provail, concise like ones first steps.


    .
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  2. #2
    Legend.
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    England
    Posts
    9,059
    Battle Record
    41-0
    Awards Haiku Champion - Award Request Accepted FL Champion - Award Request Accepted Haiku Season Champion PC HOF FL Tournament Winner 25+ Wins

    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    I'll copy links in here shortly.
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  3. #3
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    NC
    Age
    33
    Posts
    12,904
    Battle Record
    14-18
    Awards OM HOF PC HOF

    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Great flow and beautiful rhyme scheme. The shceme was intricate and complex, with loads of multis yet it didn't come across as forced or take away from your flow. The 2 bar bits were cool, like a regretful serial killer having a conversation with himself. towards the end there were a few awkward rhymes that I would change but all in all you painted a great picture. Had some great imagery littered throughout. This was a good, solid piece.

    AI

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  4. #4
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    2,700
    Battle Record
    4-1

    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Pieces like this should be read and appreciated much more.
    Hence Forward

  5. #5
    Legend.
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    England
    Posts
    9,059
    Battle Record
    41-0
    Awards Haiku Champion - Award Request Accepted FL Champion - Award Request Accepted Haiku Season Champion PC HOF FL Tournament Winner 25+ Wins

    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Thanks, I will actually get round to copying those links in, I promise.

    Any feedback on this would be good. Even though, it was years ago.
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  6. #6
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Not a bad read. Maybe a bit rusty but nothing a few battles and collabs can't shake off. Wording wasn't bad. There were a couple instances where I spotted grammatical errors and spelling errors but other than that it was fairly smooth. I'm more of a storyline kinda guy personally and this came off a bit as a personal rant of struggle. Which is relatable, but I don't really wanna read about a guy going through the same financial struggles I'm going through because then it reminds me that I'm going through struggles in the first place lol. Either way though, good open mic that just could've used a revise or two. Let's coolab soon bruh.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •