"Art Imitating Life"

[Baron Mynd]

There’s an element of realness to every picture I paint
its just cleverly concealed; I keep my distance this way.
By switching the names and making events
a little bit vague I maintain the pretence.
My way of addressing the thoughts on my mind
is to make a confession through the stories I write.
These forums online help with easing the burden
as the audience likes what they read in my verses.
But what they see on the surface is only a fraction
a preened and cut version I’ve chosen to hand them.
All that’s told and imagined, each juncture explored,
has a moment that happened at the crux of them all.
I’ll subtly draw from the people I know
while looking to forge an appearance or role.
Heroes and rogues, it depends on the day,
and could be on how closely our friendship is based.
My many creations are staples of this
regularly taken and tailored to fit.
Shaped and then scripted in cautionary tales
to paint you a picture as boredom prevails.
I draw from them daily, caricaturing my friends,
as all of their failings have brought me success.
I don’t normally fret over what’s said in my writing
or call into question the method behind it.
Yet there have been times when an incident’s happened
that’s echoed the rhyme in a similar fashion.
My instant reaction was one of surprise
Did I imagine it? Was it a sign?
Was it possible I could predict what they do?
There’s no logic behind it, but it was the truth.
Everything I would choose as a story unfolded
ringing as true in all its components.
I thought about posting fictional topicals next
but the audience voting were not as impressed.
I lost in the end as, sick with anger, I watched
and it’s not an option again – I’ll win no matter the cost.
By killing characters off and thinking of ways they die
until my family’s gone and I miss my creative side.
They’re victims I've plagiarized, every figure that’s played a part,
but was it art imitating life, or life imitating art?

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION Baron Mynd,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[Baron Mynd]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...olen-Footsteps
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...rough-the-Void

[Ntalek.]

I like the feel to this piece..kinda like a writer explaining why he writes, how he feels about what he does and how others interpret his work..i thought you had a few key points like this one

My many creations are staples of this
regularly taken and tailored to fit.
Shaped and then scripted in cautionary tales
to paint you a picture as boredom prevails.

I dig the whole when you're bored you write and come up with some creative shit that captures every image you're trying to get across hence the tailored to fit part..thought that was spot on..

I thought about posting fictional topicals next
but the audience voting were not as impressed.

I really dug this part because i mostly do fictional topics or movies or something along those lines..and it always ends up being readers preference..you never know what they want..so I just write what I like or what I think I would read..

all in all i dug this piece..pretty straight forward drop and i thought the ending lines were solid as well...so cool drop man...*steals your saying*

Keep that pen moving!


oh and can you RTF on Hard Candy thanks bruh..

[Plexus]

This was dope! You ability to make the entire price flow so damn smoothly off the tongue is truly incredible man! I mean literally the whole thing just rolled off. I love the concept. It was cool reading you write about how you write lol. Switching styles and seeing how people react to it and switching back! It also showed how you truly love writing with that winning at any cost line! Imagery was on point and technically it was very sound! I could really see you doing a second part to this. Maybe elaborating more on which is it. Art or life imitating the other, and diving deeper into that. I would definitly love to see that!

Overall just all around good man. I really feel like a second part you could do so much with! I'm looking forward to it if you actually do it! Good shit my man!

[B. Wulf]

By switching the names and making events
a little bit vague I maintain the pretence.

-- No matter how many times I read this, I'm drawn to the "maintain !!! the !!! pretence". The "the" makes the line sound forced and doesn't run as smooth. I see the rhyme columns in the interior of the bars, but maybe drop "the" and go straight into pretence.

My way of addressing the thoughts on my mind
is to make a confession through the stories I write.

-- Again, I feel there's syllables being added to make this too...grammatically correct. Try throwing out "my way of" and give the flow a little white space there. See how you like it. It might make it feel a little more natural. Also, "through the stories"...drop that the, it makes it sound like you're pushing the topical nature of it down our throats.

These forums online help with easing the burden
as the audience likes what they read in my verses.

-- This is the exact opposite. Drop the as, and emphasize "the" before burden and audience. Let me know, I think this will emphasize the point more.

All that’s told and imagined, each juncture explored,
has a moment that happened at the crux of them all.

-- Was feelin' it, then what happened?!

Heroes and rogues, it depends on the day,
and could be on how closely our friendship is based.

-- Drop the "and". We know it's "and", you're still droppin'. Also, the "on"...it sounds like a backhanded comment, so keep it brief and cutting.

to paint you a picture as boredom prevails.

-- Whoa, whoa, whoa...is this a heartfelt verse, or...something to cure boredom?

I don’t normally fret over what’s said in my writing
or call into question the method behind it.
Yet there have been times when an incident’s happened
that’s echoed the rhyme in a similar fashion.
My instant reaction was one of surprise
Did I imagine it? Was it a sign?
Was it possible I could predict what they do?

-- Lovin' it, (basically if I left it out until here...it was fresh and I couldn't say shit). I'd say throw a bunch of fuckin' words in this hypothesis man. Slam 'em at this point. Like, was it possible i could predict what it is that they do...bam, bam, BAM!

There’s no logic behind it, but it was the truth.
Everything I would choose as a story unfolded
ringing as true in all its components.
I thought about posting fictional topicals next
but the audience voting were not as impressed.
I lost in the end as, sick with anger, I watched

-- Still fresh, don't emphasize that "sick with anger"...let it run man. People are listening at this point.

and it’s not an option again – I’ll win no matter the cost.
By killing characters off and thinking of ways they die

-- Forced, fuck this last line...

until my family’s gone and I miss my creative side.

-- I'm not feelin' it, I was lovin' the passive anger up until now...and it stopped. Just stopped. Nooooooo!

They’re victims I've plagiarized, every figure that’s played a part,

-- Forget they're...we know who the victims are or who'd you'd be mentioning.

but was it art imitating life, or life imitating art?

-- Yup, I'm wet.


Hey man, I'm lovin' the verse. I know I picked apart some random ass shit. It's suggestions, not weaknesses in the verse. Verse was solid. I wanted to read more, but when it went from about you...to about the hate of the "victims" I lost it. If it wasn't for the last line, I would've lost interest at that point. I'm giving a 6.5/10. Excellent shit man.

[Emily]

I love the fact that this rolls easily off the tongue. It's content personifies many of us, I'm sure.
I read your words and connect straight away. The words are easy and talk to me, as if they understand my aim,
my frustration or my goal. I enjoy reading pieces like this. Smooth, smart and straight forward. You don't muck around.

"There’s an element of realness to every picture I paint
its just cleverly concealed; I keep my distance this way.
By switching the names and making events
a little bit vague I maintain the pretence.
My way of addressing the thoughts on my mind
is to make a confession through the stories I write.
These forums online help with easing the burden
as the audience likes what they read in my verses.
But what they see on the surface is only a fraction
a preened and cut version I’ve chosen to hand them..."

Sure you didn't rip off my thinking? Bite my thoughts?
I wouldn't have worded it so well that's for sure.
Good job on the rhymes.
Maybe there are a few extra words here and there, little joining words, I wasn't bothered.
...Because I was too busy being sucked into the flowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, ohhhhh myyyyyyyyyy, divine.

That flow though. Delicious. Makes me delirious. I love it. I love the ride of a piece that has great flow.
And the fact that this piece is personalized, is even better. An insight into you. Into your outlook, your mind, your ideas.
You express them fluently and with an entertaining manner.

It's interesting that we come from all over the world, but as writers, we share some of the same paths.
When I cross those paths, I'm in familiar grounds. It doesn't happen often, but it happened with this.

What a wonderful writer you are.

I thought this was great.

Top read.

[Echelon]

Good reflective piece, Baron Mynd. Everything came into part with this piece in particular, everything was arousing and forlorn. Nothing was exactly out of the ordinary, but things were written and described well. Your narrative language is spacious and concise, without being overly complex; nice one. I don't really have any qualms. Good one, here. Nice.