The Book Of Life

[Lenox]

Losing the will to thrive as the I'll deprive through these depicted times,
Rigged in the mystic lies till they get flipped like dimes,
The vision in my eyes simmers the singing shrines,
Gods roaming through the tall grass, one stall then fall at last as the cardinals pass,
Creeping through the timid leaves, rippling like rigged trees,
Release the sting in my flow like intimidating 50 bees,
Plead the freedom into seas, pacific to the Atlantic,
Get livid with quickness of a panic, picture the frantic,
Damn "it" not damn who, damage in the canvas, what can we do,
Catching the flu, you can't run after reality but reality can catch up to you,
Poor powder into less of what?, life's a tower, and the twins are bound to mess up,
Mark my chest with a cut to condemn the drug and never what's above,
The sky lacks true color, churn like butter, my hearts blue like no other as I burn in the covers,
Chemically drowning but chin up to the stars, but being stuck isn't gonna get you far,
Soul left in the jar, even your mind is an illusion but does it fit the scar,
Prick my thumb on the branch where the pigeons hum,
and the killers run, ministers stunned by the millions who have become,
Killers as one,
The summer breathes through the souls, as they pursue their goals,
Always take a women's advice, or just look to be nice,
Cause as heaven and hell collied, I'll be in the tree of worship reading the book of life

[KnowP]

Plead the freedom into seas, pacific to the Atlantic,
Get livid with quickness of a panic, picture the frantic,
Damn "it" not damn who, damage in the canvas, what can we do,
Catching the flu, you can't run after reality but reality can catch up to you,

KILLA!!!



I dug this piece a lot man. the rhyme scheme and the thought provoking bars really brought this to life. You strayed on a few points which made it feel like filler but regained composure wit the rest. that catching up to reality piece was fire to me. flowed well and brought a decent twist to the overall piece. pay attention to over stretching your bars tho. a few got carried away and lengthy imo. Good drop tho. way to rep.

[Lenox]

Thanks bro good looks!

[KnowP]

no doubt

[Onceawhile]

Losing the will to thrive as the I'll deprive through these depicted times,
Rigged in the mystic lies till they get flipped like dimes,

Two things caught my eye.
1. How are the lies mystic? What makes them mystic? If you would have explained that in your verse it would've made the rhyme seem less forced.
2."Losing the will to thrive as the I'll deprive..."
This ^^ is either over my head or it doesn't make sense; it looks like you left something out.

The vision in my eyes simmers the singing shrines,
Gods roaming through the tall grass, one stall then fall at last as the cardinals pass,

I felt like the most vivid part of this quote was where you wrote "Gods roaming through the tall grass". It is imaginable.
As for the rest of it: I can understand that shrines are relevant to gods, and I could even imagine them singing, but I don't understand how a vision in your eyes can simmer the singing shrines. Maybe it means you have laser vision, or your vision was blurring...I didn't make sense of it. You introduced the notion of cardinals passing and thus causing a god to fall. I wished you would've expanded on that idea. I might not have understood that part though.

Creeping through the timid leaves, rippling like rigged trees,

If this line has to do with the cardinals from the previous line then you successfully expanded it. I'm implying that the cardinals were doing the "Creeping through the timid leaves". Its too short, though. And are rigged/rigid trees capable of rippling, not the leaves but the trees? That simile seems like it was forced in there.

Release the sting in my flow like intimidating 50 bees,
Plead the freedom into seas, pacific to the Atlantic,
Get livid with quickness of a panic, picture the frantic,
Damn "it" not damn who, damage in the canvas[...]

I liked the rhymes, you got your imagery in there too, but again I'm not able to connect it and make sense of it. For instance, "Plead the freedom into seas" comes out of nowhere. What do you plead to the freedom? What is "the freedom"? I'm gonna look stupid if it does make sense. I thought that maybe it had to do with the idea that if you have bees chasing you then you'd want to jump into a body of water. If that's the case then I can connect it with the "pacific to the Atlantic" part. The connection would be a bit obscure though.

[W]hat can we do,
Catching the flu, you can't run after reality but reality can catch up to you,

That reality line sounds alright. I'm too lazy to think and discern if it is a true axiom, but it sounds like one and I don't really favor their use in works unless it is the theme; that's why I'm saying its "alright".

Poor powder into less of what?, life's a tower, and the twins are bound to mess up,
Mark my chest with a cut to condemn the drug and never what's above,

I get the reference to the twin towers...but I don't get how a twin would mess up in life. Like do you mean clones, evil twins, doppelgangers? Something tells me that it has to do with riches because you included the "poor powder" line which alone hasn't made sense to me.
To make another interpretation, the "Mark my chest with a cut..." line was nice. I thought it meant that you'd make a pact with yourself by cutting your chest, a pact to condemn drugs and never to condemn "what's above" or in other words never to condemn God. If that's what you meant by that line then I'm glad that I understood it, I liked it.

The sky lacks true color, churn like butter, my hearts blue like no other as I burn in the covers,

What exactly churns like butter? The sky? What do you mean when you say you "burn in the covers"?

Chemically drowning but chin up to the stars, but being stuck isn't gonna get you far,

Being stuck as in drowning chemically? Obscure.

Soul left in the jar, even your mind is an illusion but does it fit the scar,
Prick my thumb on the branch where the pigeons hum,
and the killers run, ministers stunned by the millions who have become,
Killers as one,
The summer breathes through the souls, as they pursue their goals,
Always take a women's advice, or just look to be nice,
Cause as heaven and hell [collide], I'll be in the tree of worship reading the book of life

You titled this work "The Book of Life", that's interesting from what I could interpret out of the whole verse. The quoted material above doesn't make much sense to me. I would have written this quote off as nonsense but I managed to put my interpretations up for the other bits and pieces of quoted lines so as i did to one I'd do to this one; however, I feel like I would only be saying the same thing over and over again, and since I don't see anything else that really stands out at first glance I won't be getting into deciphering this quote. Except I will say that the rhyming was nice. And that you should probably work on being less ambiguous
Overall this verse is like a puzzle, one that I'm not totally sure has all the pieces in it....I know I might get flack, but this is my honest feedback and the first one in a looong time too. I hope I don't cause any hard feelings, Lenox.

[Lenox]

Thanks, I actually enjoyed this honest feedback, I felt like you took time to type what was necessary.

[Onceawhile]

thanks to you too