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Thread: Genesis

  1. #1
    steel cut oatmeal's Avatar
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    Genesis

    Topic: Creative Control

    in the beginning...
    the Master, before it was known
    was one of Many, chose to make a world of His own.
    omnipotent? sort of. indifferent - more of.
    incipient chords of being bored and alone

    alas, the morgue of a home was a formless, sunken
    porous dungeon. shoreless, unlit.
    porcelain numbness. entrusted with utmost important function:
    a repository for His storms of judgement.

    forged from nothing, this earth, this darkness
    with such caliginous potential, yearned for harvest
    His previous experiment had earned some hardship:
    the Fallen One to animate a serpent’s carcass

    His smirk enlarged with patient buoyancy -
    submerged and drowned the snake in the poisoned sea
    reincarnate then deploy, repeat.
    as He moved across the face of the Void beneath
    another idea: a volcanic prison at the base of the noiseless Deep.

    this game He employed grew cheap, the Royal He was bored again
    He needed more than Satan's pain and the magmatic cell He forced him in
    a torture pen, large enough to fill all of the vacant space
    and an heir to rule o'er the earth and grow to take His place

    perched at an amazing pace - the firmaments of day and night
    while the Serpent served internment in a lake too hot to take its life
    separated sky from ocean, land for vegetation rife
    and once animals were teeming forth, finally the stage was right

    He stretched the heavenly expanse, plucked a single star,
    set it in the garden. this will be the heart.
    summoned seas to humbly be flowing channels of élan
    with strips of mighty mountains laid to keep its structure strong
    the stubborn fires of the sun to wear the warmth of light as skin
    till He whispered winds of hurricanes - the breath of life within
    unsatisfied, He stabbed His eye, the saddle of its brain
    a shocking twist of consciousness - "Adam is your name."

    He saw that Adam was alone, an inefficient model;
    if this human is to rule, he’ll need a partner quick to follow
    He took a rib and hollowed out another while he was asleep
    forever man was swaddled by this new invention dubbed as Eve.

    the volcanism that He used to make the continental bed
    released the Serpent from confinement to the elements instead
    it slithered into Eden, bent to give a simple warning
    but little did it know that it would do His bidding for Him

    as Eve enjoyed the shade of nature she was given
    the Serpent hissed a whisper “don’t be afraid, just listen!”
    “take a minute to survey the prison that you were bequeathed -
    are you not allowed to eat the fruits that dangle underneath?”

    stuttered Eve: “we can eat whatever we deserve to try.
    except the Tree in the middle - if we do then we will surely die.”
    the Serpent’s eyes grew terse and wild “don’t let that fear deceive you -
    if you eat it you will be like Him: an engineer of evil.”

    a foreign feeling seeped through frills of her immodesty
    the rush of disobedience, the thrill of curiosity
    her will was pure as God’s could be, she gawked with crook delight
    she picked the fruit, went to Adam, paused and took a bite

    an honest look inside He who assembled this creation:
    flashes of pain, hunger, suffering - they trembled in elation
    venerable debasement, fascinated by what was evil, awful
    all the while He kept His favorite secret: giving people false hope

    the Serpent’s weak bravado caused him to boast unduly
    not knowing that the humans turned to what He hoped them to be
    “Lucifer, I thank you, your secret guise was suitable -
    now they’ll destroy themselves before they realize they’re beautiful.
    I must admit I expected better than this poor attempt
    but with my eye as their mind, I will never be bored again.”

    thus He invented sin to control His creation
    God looked upon it and saw that it was good. Amen

  2. #2
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Xtermnation Xtraordinaire Genocide's Avatar
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    Re: Genesis

    Skilllzzzzz. Ur dope

  4. #4
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    Re: Genesis

    @oats i'm gonna feed this today and i'd like to find mine, like a sixty nine...
    infektedpenz


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    Re: Genesis

    fuck i keep forgetting we can't edit in here anymore. this was dope oats, i'm pretty sure i read it a while ago, i feel like you wrote it for a league i was competing in too. you took a tired old story and gave it a spin. i love the way you ended this piece, almost suggesting we're a television show for "him". there's a good display of multis in here, but i wouldn't want there to be any less. if anything, more. this piece had good vocabulary and diction. at no point did i have to pause because i thought the wording was awkward. the imagery was vivid i was able to picture everything pretty clearly like reading a picture book lol. great piece but not your best. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Reign-in-Blood this is the first full length topical i've written in what i think is over a year.
    infektedpenz


  6. #6
    Revolution II OG Maestro's Avatar
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    Re: Genesis

    Jesus. Bro, when you drop you drop a thesis paper.
    What the fuck, this is a lot of content to digest.

    I'll just say that you have achieved a state of veteran-like writing.
    A good story, rhythm pattern, rhyme network, signifying ability & emotional connection that fuses into your writing.
    This is probably worthy of a HOF just because of the mechanics alone.
    The story itself is magnificent due to the fact that you take Lucifer/The Serpent, Adam & Eve, & God into one spiraling story.
    The plot is impressive & creativity, I like how you concluded this piece by saying God accepted things for what they were because he understood that they were necessary for balance.

    Good stuff Quakers. Most creative OM I have read all year long right next to @Know-It-All & his twist on Adam & Eve.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-show-verse%29

  7. #7
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    Re: Genesis

    I like it thats biblical shit right there always remember the Bible stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. I haven't read the whole bible but do remember reading story about Adam and eve good work i liked how you mentioned that eve was created by adams rib and how the devil tricked them into eating apple also it helped me visualize a scene as i read good work

  8. #8
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: Genesis

    Nice stuff oats! Feel like i havent read an oats piece in years.. My god
    There seems to be a lot of religeous pieces in om right now and im kind of godded out lol this was a very nice piece though, mechanics were stronger in the start and there was a thicker flow that thinned out a bit as i read on, but the content did get pretty thick itself. You wrapped into the adam and eve story quite well and i like where you went with it. the symbolism at the end was pretty deep. sin was really created so that we can be controlled, since our own power is underestimated as we are made in the "eyes" of the creator. Imagery was definitely your strong point here, descriptions and progression played well.
    GreaterDesignGrowers.com

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  9. #9
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Genesis

    i'm seeing a general lack of links around OM at the min...
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  10. #10
    AJ The Menace Echelon's Avatar
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    Re: Genesis

    I thought this was a decently good read, Oats.

    I do enjoy reading about Christianity, and it's undertones; was quite nice; - and cool. You had cool imagery throughout here; was nice to read from you. Your complete synopsis on genesis was quite nice; had some flare through it. Some words I feel could be left out..such as things such as 'engineer of evil' or 'bravado'; - there's no need for such words in there in a way. It could be left without, lol. This was a good read, with very nicely painted scenes and nice wording throughout. You had your shining moments such as 'the false hope' line and the ending was really well done. Overall - nice written on this. I enjoyed it very well. Nice one, man. Choice work. Keep writing!

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