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Thread: Listen to You Heart

  1. #1
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Listen to You Heart

    Listen to your Heart




    It's like you know the key in the end
    And your grin
    Seals it in
    With your smile
    So when it begin
    In sin
    After all the truth within
    Cause it's been a while
    Look at me
    Let me see your eyes
    Your disguise you think is so free
    What's really got me caught up
    In all this switching shit… you know the touch is so me

    HOOK

    So tell me hero
    What's the superstar shit have to do with me
    Why your disguise don't quench my alibi for the darkness I love to see
    Or when your coaching me
    It's cute, it's strong, it's sexy
    But so they say that's your game
    Then dang
    Bang - game tight
    It still ain't right tho
    You have my heart and you know it
    On my knees
    Begging you please
    Don't make me show it

    HOOK

    Ain't got shit to do with dough
    I hear you like a bug thrown up in my ear
    But this torture done lasted for years
    Not an annual year to year
    Done with a smile, nod, as they cheer
    But this, just to remind me of my fears
    But I'm no longer scared to face him either (just did)
    I made them a believer

    So, what do I do?
    Tick tock is ticking on the IOU and You? Betray Me?
    Couldn't be!
    I'm scared tho… would you?
    Can I still trust you?
    Like knights in shining bright armor be true?

    HOOK

    And this is all the shit I was going through
    Trying to get to know you
    The worst of you
    Not the image you portrayed
    Being another type chick… would I of stayed?
    Obviously not…


    HOOK

    The most guarded so how am I the victim
    My heart in your hands not even getting the attention
    Not like I ever needed it before
    But that's my score
    Did I forget to mention
    I'd lay down and die too in 2.2
    No matter which disguise they can't hide their lies
    I don't need to even see their eyes know no mo'
    I know your true
    Cause my soulmate told Im kinda like yours too
    But what does it mean?
    This was the last song I heard before the omega screamed
    For once… I actually need the help back
    But I don't get it
    That still don’t' mean I regret it
    Or am gonna let it
    Or that I'm even gonna set it
    Your heart beats too
    So maybe you tell me, what's yours telling you?

    - - - Updated - - -
    @The Great Father BTW, It was this one I was talking about on that

    I'll get my links up for the 2 I posted today tomorrow guys... pls don't close them out. Thx

    - - - Updated - - -
    @Professor Frost Oh and this one too in case that message didn't go thru either... SMFH
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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! PatricBernier's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    I like this. It really spoke to me on a personal level. Your telling a story of a female whos went through some bullshit in your life, because of a fellow male. Us assholes huh? lol you did a GR8 job.

    In general it was really nice

  3. #3
    It's Good... FOR US Not N Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Don't usually read other feeds before I post my own, but this time I did since it's short

    It seems to me like the female character in this piece is on bullshit too a bit
    As in, I guess they're tryna find common ground...? Lemme read again

    So yeah... Those first 4 lines of the final verse are my favorite
    Very vivid and thought provoking detail, especially that "didn't need it before" part
    I was like, ohh shit, you thought some things through
    Her heart's really in it, and I guess the man's facade bothers her mind at times
    But she likes it to a certain extent... Either interpretation I take, this is a good read, becuz
    It opens the door for dialogue whether vocally or mentally... Keep at it
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  4. #4
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    @not in nice thank you cause yeah... I spit real not stories and I'm alllll fucked up! Here's to fixing my mental!!! LoLz
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  5. #5
    ~Infekted Penz~ PAVONIA's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    This was some real shit here girl....damn.

    Regardless if this is a real or made up story....you told it well. Truly set the stage for each bar and gave the reader a background to follow the story. Seems there is a deeper meaning behind this piece and maybe is a push for a part 2? lol

    Keep writing. It expands the mind in tough times.

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  6. #6
    It's Good... FOR US Not N Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    With that being said...
    You can't control a man (real men)
    So if he not showing you love, then fuck him.
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  7. #7
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    I would never try to control a guy and you're right... I am so like fuck them.... BUT... Have you ever been in a situation where you might have been all fuck them but it may have been a mistake? @Not N Nice

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    @patric bernier thank you too, btw. I used to write str8 and gr8 short hand too... Are you from the south? It's like private plate capital.
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  8. #8
    Revolution II OG Maestro's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Yeah yo...this is deep asf. I'm kinda still digesting it cause I'm not use to reading anything real AS THIS in the OM
    I fucks with this, I'm glad you tagged me so I could see it.

  9. #9
    It's Good... FOR US Not N Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Actions speak louder than what some hearts perceive... All decisions final
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  10. #10
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Lmao @Not N Nice ... What's that mean? LoL

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    @Professor Frost ... Thanks Frost!
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  11. #11
    It's Good... FOR US Not N Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Whatever you want
    Sometimes desperation for love distorts judgement
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  12. #12
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    the narrative of the piece was decent, but it lacked in mechanics, you need to work on your rhyme schemes and smooth out your wording, find your flow... overall, not bad, keep evolving...

    ...pz
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  13. #13
    Coal to the furnace Cody Phoenix's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    Cool creative language used here, a few grammar hiccups here and there but I cant knock on the message and content. This was a fresh read, could have had a few things cut here and there but I feel you wrote this like it was a song, not a rap-type thing... Really cool... Let me know if you ever want to learn some cool writing techniques to get in habit of. I know tons, helps a lot!

  14. #14
    Super Grand Heru SELF ACTIVATE's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    The wording was clear. The flow was there. The message? Well, I really have no idea what you were trying to say. You seemed to be pretty conflicted, contradictory, and unsure how you felt about the other person. Perhaps, it was all just a front. I assume it was.

    "I hate you, no I love you, fuck you, no I didn't mean it, pfff I better with out you, wait...no I need you."-- that kind of sums up what I got out of this piece.

    Typical unstable relationship that consist of a series of game. Both parties afraid of being hurt so the engage in periodic fronts pretending not to like each other as much as they actually do. Or something like that. Nevertheless, it was an entertaining read.

  15. #15
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Listen to You Heart

    @Not_N_Nice I just peeped that shit... my desperation for love? I don't think any of my exes would say that, especially after living and leaving 4 out of 5 of them... that's hardly desperate!!! But it's all good LOL

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