16 Reasons Sleep Is An Antiquated Art Form

[Syk0naut]

Auto-biographical spoken word poem meant to fill a 5 minute stage set time which I will never get the nerve to do, so posting here as the next best alternative. Not intended to be the best flowing, multi filled piece. Feedback still appreciated.

Also several people have said this is dark, and it's true it is, however I'm fine now. Music helped me cope, releasing the emotions was a form of grieving and letting go. But yeah... It is kind of dark.

One:
If I assassinate celebs and make a wish while shooting stars
Could I borrow some red carpet to patch up this oozing heart

Two:
I think the clock hands are arthritic because time just never passes
Like I'm falling through a black hole composed of cement and molasses
My bad thoughts have formed a legion and I'm burdened by the bulk
But when I exercise my demons I'm just haunted by the hulk
Thanks.

Three:
I remember sitting at home crying just waiting for you to come back
While you were out there in a parking lot sucking cum out of a scum bag
I remember when I caught you breathe him life and me a gun blast
And I wanted to confront you but all I managed was to run back.
To the kitchen, grabbed a knife, slit my wrist and watched it bleed
Though I didn't really want to die I just needed you to see...
That the tears out on the surface come from some place underneath
But you were deaf to our disaster out beyond the thunder's reach.

Four:
You said you only cheated because you knew that I would never let you go
And honestly... well honestly you're right because I could never let you go
But why would you ever leave someone that would never let you go
Who'd be ripped from both limbs before he would ever let you go
I will never let you go...
I will never let you go...

Four:
But you made me let you go...

Four:
Now I'm not sure where to go...

Four:
So I can't fucking sleep...

Four:
And I don't count good when I'm tired...

Four:
But one night as he dreams...

Four:
I hope he rests right through a fire...

Four:
I hope he rests right through a fire...

Four:
I repeat myself when I'm sad...

Four:
I repeat myself when I'm sad...
I repeat myself when I'm sad...
I repeat myself when I'm sad...
I repeat myself when I'm sad...

Five:
You were a dewdrop on a rose multiplied beyond infinity
You were sunbeams on my soul through the shadows of divinity
You were waking every morning gladly knowing I'm invincible.
Now you're crying every night sadly knowing I'm invincible.
Thanks.

Six:
Sometimes I wish I was a mortal man, at least enough to hate you
At least enough to tell myself that you probably aren't an angel
At least enough to tell you that's it's not right you have my car
It's not right you have my home or that his coat is on my bar
Speaking of which...

Six A:
On our last day together you got up at 3 am to drive him to the airport
In that very car that I worked so hard and saved for
But I couldn't tell you no because I love you more than me
And as badly as it stung I'd rather all the wasps sting me...

Six B:
You're welcome...

Seven:
I told you in my eighth summer I took a nap against an oak in the splendor of it's shade
But when I woke the sun had shifted and my skin was blistered by it's rays
You said, sweet boy I know that love must feel like comfort but you can never ever rest
You see you have a heart of gold and pirates steal from treasure chests
So I'm looking in our wake to find the pieces we forgot
As I use this tattered map to where my ex marks the spot
You were the pirate and the treasure...

Eight:
I still haven't told your mom.
I want to...
I want to tell her so she can hate him before you make the introductions
So she can really know what happened and won't have to make assumptions
But I can't... I still love you.
Besides, I met somebody else...
And though you've made it kind of hard, I still trust her with myself.
I told you.
I'm invincible.

Nine:
I heard once love is blind and I guess that must be true
Because when I see nothing else I somehow still see you
And when everything turns black I still see your every hue
And when I color in the future you're the crayon that I choose
I swear to God it's like your face has been painted in my eye lids
Because every single time I blink I see your iris meet my iris
Now it's only with my eyes closed that the world lights up the brightest
So my heartbeat comes in brail and whispers beauty when I'm sightless
Which is to say, lately I keep running into walls.

Ten:
That scene stays on replay when I'm laying in the darkness
And though the nights are always tough I think the mornings are the hardest
See my bed without you here looks like a field after the harvest
These sheets were once our canvas but now... Now they're just a carcass.

Eleven:
I'm leaning on a broken crutch tryna regain my composure
And believing if I open up I'll be paid by some closure
See...
Our climax was a valley, the mountains were just lies
Without you I'm a desert, save the fountains in my eyes
My cheeks have turned to canyons from the rivers that I've cried
I'm eroding every day but still somehow I survive
I'm a cockroach.
I'm invincible.

Twelve:
Liquors my religion, so I worship vodka bottles til I'm filled up with the spirit
And if you pierce my aching side you'll see it pour from where the spear hit
Crucified by Crown and Coke, a few hit lines and down I go
Truth is I just drown and choke, in putrid wine - it's how I cope
See, when my mind is sober stated it makes life feel over rated
You mistook our home for spaceships, left your forehead's shoulder vacant
So reality's transformed to treading through this torment boulder weighted
Whilst a vulgar, anxious, moper's playlist, adorned as therapy I wrote
Seems to only serve as proof that now my clarity's a ghost
Yea verily I know, her haunts are fueled by what these pills show
As your indentions in our bed reveal the cruel side of the pillows...
Pulled lines unwind the frilled sew, of what once was our forever...
I guess forever was four months short of four years, by the way happy anniversary
I guess... I guess I just alway thought
It was supposed to end with our grand babies in the nursery...
I guess... I guess not...

Thirteen:
I met somebody else and I love her just like you
But I can't escape the fact you're my old paint beneath the new
And I'm a crease on the page that you may never turn back to
But loving you is the only the I've ever truly learned to do...
Which really only means I spoke my heart into a mine field
Which really only means I'll keep these wounds they tell me time heals
Because my scars are souvenirs of the day dream that was real
And my pain is a reminder of the life I got to feel...

Fourteen:
You struck me like a hypodermic needle in a haystack
And I wasn't looking for love but now I don't know the way back
So I'm addicted to a drug that I never meant to take
Imprisoned in a cage that I helped my captor make
Irony in iron bars...

Fifteen:
They tell me that the past is the past but my past was the future
And you're always in my brain, I swear your laugh is a tumor
But it only served to hide the real you, like the mask of a shooter
Your excuses don't hold water you see there's cracks in the pewter
And the tracks of your suitor, mixed with the scent of his cologne
Meant that even in the times we were together you still left me all alone...

Sixteen:
I will always remember you, every wrinkle on your skin
The freckle on your eyelid, how your lips curl at the corners, the degree by which they bend
The way you'd watch a sappy movie and save your tears up to the end
The way you'd get lost in a gaze, the way you hated ball point pens...
I will never forget your warmth.
Not when my mom forgets my face or God forgets my name
Not when the world begins to crumble and the stars all fade away...
Not when the universe collapses way beyond all time space
What I really want to tell you, is I guess I said all this to say...
I will never let you go
I will never let you go
I will never...
Let you go.

P.S.
Everyone still tells me my eyes lights up when I hear your name.
So if you're ever in the dark...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...83#post8806483
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...0592-Refocused

[Onceawhile]

This was a nice read. You have my sympathy.
I didn't know people could write so well, and in rhyme form, so expressive about this sort of thing.
I'm not from around the non-cypher Open Mic posts, I'm not a good critic with time on his hands...maybe someone else will state clearly what talent we can very well see here. (Literary devices, metaphors, similes...I don't know exactly what but I noticed the imagery, and yes, a bit of darkness which must appear as normal to me.)
In fact I happened to come here by random, with a different mood, and when I clicked open this thread I was ready to leave by the opening bar. But patience kept me here, and I read a pretty good story. Heh, it might be therapeutic for you to write this but I didn't take it too well. I'm not used to reading these things, and it took me close to my own dark place.
Wow. Really nice - nice rhyming. You say you're fine now... : ) good on ya.

[Cody Phoenix]

.....Why is this piece being slept on? I'm nominating this for OM HOF. This is absolutely amazing to me. These dark metaphors filled with heartfelt emotion is just too intense for me. Holy fuck. It starts off putting you in an abstract view of the life you're in, really complex to me for some reason... Then it develops and goes into a boiling pot of all these fucked up things you're describing. I reread it to make sure I didn't miss anything. You didn't miss anything. You kept true to your style of writing. You exposed yourself for others to see. You really told us how you felt, etc, this was immensely packed with metaphoric descriptions and the imagery to boot with certain parts being more-so detailed than the others... I noticed you followed your own scheme too, you really kept it consistent, went freeform here and there and really went with how you felt, entirely. This wasn't too packed with undecipherable bullshit either, it was just right.

One of the few pieces I've seen on here where I wanted to immediately give a OM HOF nomination bro...

This is the writing I want to see others doing. If you're a new writer, take notes and follow the path these types of writers are wandering.

Peace!

[Syk0naut]

@Cody Phoenix thanks for the feed and the nom hombre

[Jukon]

shit. you know, the length deterred me from this for a while, and now i see what i was missing out on. i feel like regardless of what i write here, it won't stand up to what you've presented. i really liked the vulnerable state, just laying it all out on the line. the metaphors and your usage of literary devices as a whole was great. it's not often that i get inspired to write from reading another person's work, but this did it and i haven't written in months, haven't even wanted to. the style here is unique, some weirdly long lines mixed with short little bits, but it worked. and it typically doesn't. impressive. you really kept a solid scheme going on throughout the entire piece and everything was so fluid. there's a lot more i could point out but i'm kind of itching to write. this was dope though, it's slept on and that's too bad. it's definitely worth giving a nomination. appreciate the read. keep writing, hope to see you post more here.

[Emily]

I enjoyed reading this a lot. There's a whole stack of different things I like about this piece.
Firstly, I appreciate how it seems like it's free falling down the page on its own. As if you picked up the pen and 'boom',
it all came spilling out, just like that. It has a natural flow which is really nice to see because it works so well with the tone
and the two together make stunning music. The msg, was dark and deep and disturbing at times, and although this is grey on
the soul its gold on paper and you're pulling heart strings because of it. You're pulling heart strings. Strangers--heart--strings.
That's a sign of a great writer, one who connects to the audience. One who shares honest pain and we, not only have empathy,
but feel certain elements of what you have written.
As for the rhymes, they were nice. It wasn't over the top with rhymes, nor was it so abstract I was looking for them.
They didn't take over, the msg did, which is the way it should be. The msg should be what we're connecting to and if you can
pretty it up with techniques that just makes you more talented I guess. You're pretty bloody talented. Imo, you've got the knack for not flogging words for the sake of it, but using what you need and saying what you want and having it all embodied in a poetic melody of love and loss, pain and sorrow, all emotions on show. Just stunning.
I might come back and add more, maybe some quotes. You had more than a few good ones.
Humble writing written in an organic way, just loved it.
I just loved it.

Beautiful Read.