Behind Enemy Lines

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

Tommy thought -

Brace yourself; Take Cover.
It's going to be loud,
so cover your ears and
close your eyes
and pretend you're somewhere else.

I feel like I'm in hell...

That's just the nature of the place;
I can hear them coming
Firing in all directions
How long till they're aimed at me?

I want to go home...

The enemy is all around me
Searching.
Hunting.

Don't let them see me...

Too late.
They're coming over here
weapons drawn...
I can't think.
I'm scared.
I can't take this.

Please help me.

Tears stream from my eyes; hatred streams from theirs.
The leader fires his weapon
And hits me in the heart.

Words. Armed with sticks and stones.




School is the worst...

[Fatrick Swayze]

Lmao great twist bro. I thoroughly enjoyed that turn lol. Great way to disguise your true
Direction. At first i thought this was about soldiers in combat. Then you hit me with school bully
Thought. Everything came together nicely. Dope dope dope.

[trajik]

Tommy thought -

Brace yourself; Take Cover.
It's going to be loud,
so cover your ears and
close your eyes
and pretend you're somewhere else.

i enjoyed this read, my only complaint through the whole thing lies within the first stanza here. the and after ears... i felt it was unneeded and kinda grossed me out, two ands so close together, i believe a comma would help this stanza read much more fluid.

so overall cool story, great imagery, easy for me to relate to, brought me back to my childhood with the twist at the end. i expected the twist because i scrolled down too far and saw the worst cool twist at the end from fat's feedback, but i was thinking it was a paintball match haha. that's what i was picturing the entire time until the stick and stones part.

[Emily]

I loved that twist. all I saw after that, were corridors and lockers, and bullies.
I was taken back, and I had to read it again and get the full impact of the school.
Because before that, I thought I was reading about soldiers. And then to be in the
corridors again, that was great.
I also like the inner dialogue that goes on, with the single line, floating verses.
I adore the language used in this piece. And the organic tone.
It resonates, and stays true to the fear. I felt it, by the victim.
This is great writing. You have a wonderfully honest voice.
I won't quote a thing, because I'd be quoting it all.
My kind of art, right here. Beautiful.

thank you