The Classroom

[TheIllyricist]

The here,

Mark sleeps with the tombstones,
but these memorials are not rock; they are paper.

Rest in peace
to the books existed, in nonexistent existence
whose pages lay scattered and crumpled
in a graveyard of forgotten fictions;

Wasteland, we are waste
all waste, we are

That’s what Mark says to himself,
sometimes.

He sinks beneath the surface of the unmade,
drowning in the screams of his murdered--

Thoughts, seas diseased with tremendous ease--

Chalk dust pollution, mechanical voices,
do as we say, but…

Kill the self, drink the honey and play
with us, we know, we know--

Thoughts, accept this cell block
and the warden at the front
who tells but one thing always,
recite, repeat, rinse the blood,

There is no self but the selfless,
-ish does not belong,

Open the notebook.

How to be a good person, chapter one,
nature doesn’t matter
never disagree
feelings are better than sense
speak freely, but don’t speak these words

(Logos enters stage left)

(Logos whispers:

Do you ever wonder
why this place seems to buzz,
like a hive?

Don’t talk. Don’t play too rough or too much

Listen, only.

What are the words of a child,
with no experience or age

Yet, they teach Jane Eyre.)

(Logos laughs)

Child Mark raises a hand,
wonders aloud--
No, that’s a stupid question.

But why?

It just is, and what is always is, there is no why.

“Oh.”

Laughter from twenty-three classmates,
he’ll grow up one day.

(Logos gets stabbed, twenty-three
daggers of passionate newspeak)

Kill the self! Kill the self! Kill the self!

(Logos gets dragged away,
his final words echo inside the mind,

is listening suicide?

Yes.)

(exit stage right)

The now,

Sorry, dear characters, it was not Mark
Who aborted you, the poison vial belonged
To the twenty-three

The doctor said a combination of letters,
ADD to the HD

Pills will make him see.

It’s depression, take these scripts,
Multiples

They overlap, don’t kill yourself, think of others

What would they think?
What would they
What they
They

Hello, this is the Not-News News Tonight-day (as not to offend the day),
Tragedy hits home as Mark Anthony visited the next life with the help of nylon and a bannister, this is the 30th self passing away of the month, how truly sad, now onto the absolutely despicable and outrageous shirt this man wore at his job, words don’t do justice to this injustice.

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

A piece after my own heart. I'm super tired right now but I will feed briefly and hopefully edit in something better asap.

What a fantastic piece... so original (originality, ironically, seeming to be what the antagonists of the piece seem to despise)

I love this. It's like the dystopia of the not too distant future. Children trained to be zombies, to not think for themselves or to be themselves. Kill the self.

Political correctness in overdrive.

Brilliant satire, but also very serious and rather depressing. I loved this and I look forward to breaking it down better for you. @TheIllyricist

*edited feed below*

There was something special about this piece. A big differentiation from your usual style that I thoroughly enjoyed - much more akin to my own writing style.

The way you played with almost every single line was fantastic, but despite the intricate, complex style, the meaning was clear - and it's a meaning that you of all people (having read my previous pieces) will know I'm a sucker for.

I love how you kept the piece almost light hearted in some sense, but bitterly dark at the same time. The theatrical introduction of Logos, almost the character of Mark's subconscious, the character that defines creativity and individuality in a world where such things have been lost.

Whilst i absolutely loved everything, I adored the final part "this is not-news news tonight day (as not to offend the day)" I mean Christ... Where do you come up with this stuff. Amazing. Political correctness gone mad, to the extent that the tragic suicide is overlooked (Who cares anyway, the guy was thinking for himself and that's not allowed here)

I'm wanting to nominate this for HoF... I loved it more than The Foribidden Forest. A piece which was so classic it was beautiful - this is the complete other end of the spectrum. It's so original, and so flawless.

Well done.

[Fatrick Swayze]

Rest in peace
to the books existed, in nonexistent existence
whose pages lay scattered and crumpled
in a graveyard of forgotten fictions;


Thought that stanza was dope. The concept you put together was outstanding. Very creative take with an natural feel to it all.
I liked the way you played with phrases throughout. Stating something and jumbling it in the next line or reversing the order.
I thought that was clever. For me though i feel like you went a bit too abstract towards the middle. It got a bit scattered disconnected
Although you pick it back up towards the end. Enjoyed this bro. Some creative writing for sure.

[trajik]

The here,

Mark sleeps with the tombstones,
but these memorials are not rock; they are paper.

Rest in peace
to the books existed, in nonexistent existence
whose pages lay scattered and crumpled
in a graveyard of forgotten fictions;

Wasteland, we are waste
all waste, we are

whoa i felt like this was a library and it took me so many reads to figure out what i was reading lol. love the wording and the vocabulary use... alliteration too.

That’s what Mark says to himself,
sometimes.

instantly pictures an old author here, couldn't really tell who though

He sinks beneath the surface of the unmade,
drowning in the screams of his murdered--

Thoughts, seas diseased with tremendous ease--

holy hell i love that worded in the third line of this quote... wow nice. awesome imagery in the first two of the quote.

Chalk dust pollution, mechanical voices,
do as we say, but…

Kill the self, drink the honey and play
with us, we know, we know--

love these lines, the imagery and the ideas

Thoughts, accept this cell block
and the warden at the front
who tells but one thing always,
recite, repeat, rinse the blood,

There is no self but the selfless,
-ish does not belong,

at this point i'm curious if this section is a reference

Open the notebook.

How to be a good person, chapter one,
nature doesn’t matter
never disagree
feelings are better than sense
speak freely, but don’t speak these words

this stanza evokes so many feelings of slavery and assimilation, very nice

(Logos enters stage left)

(Logos whispers:

not sure if Logos is an author or something

Do you ever wonder
why this place seems to buzz,
like a hive?

Don’t talk. Don’t play too rough or too much

Listen, only.

What are the words of a child,
with no experience or age

Yet, they teach Jane Eyre.)

(Logos laughs)

Child Mark raises a hand,
wonders aloud--
No, that’s a stupid question.

But why?

It just is, and what is always is, there is no why.

“Oh.”

Laughter from twenty-three classmates,
he’ll grow up one day.

wow this section here has so much imagery, well done, relateable (i thought this was a word but my spell check tells me its not lol) as well.

(Logos gets stabbed, twenty-three
daggers of passionate newspeak)

DUDE i love a good 1984 reference, then i thought, it's been a while since i've read that book maybe more references from this poem come from there?

also, i'm guessing this is alluding to cyber bullying? getting texts or facebook messages in class talking shit to you?

Kill the self! Kill the self! Kill the self!

(Logos gets dragged away,
his final words echo inside the mind,

is listening suicide?

Yes.)

(exit stage right)

The now,

Sorry, dear characters, it was not Mark
Who aborted you, the poison vial belonged
To the twenty-three

The doctor said a combination of letters,
ADD to the HD

Pills will make him see.

It’s depression, take these scripts,
Multiples

They overlap, don’t kill yourself, think of others

What would they think?
What would they
What they
They

so, suicidal child being taken from school to get put on medication? perhaps i'm looking at words too literally, not used to reading poetry.

Hello, this is the Not-News News Tonight-day (as not to offend the day),
Tragedy hits home as Mark Anthony visited the next life with the help of nylon and a bannister, this is the 30th self passing away of the month, how truly sad, now onto the absolutely despicable and outrageous shirt this man wore at his job, words don’t do justice to this injustice.

ok now i'm confused here lol

cool read man. i spent some time deciphering stanzas lol not used to it. want to improve in poetry.

[Emily]

Mark sleeps with the tombstones,
but these memorials are not rock; they are paper.

Rest in peace
to the books existed, in nonexistent existence
whose pages lay scattered and crumpled
in a graveyard of forgotten fictions;

Friggen stunning. I love it. The play on the books being the equivalent to a ghost towns cemetery,
is simply surreal and genius.

Wasteland, we are waste
all waste, we are

That’s what Mark says to himself,
sometimes.

Love that. You wrote that very well. I especially love the simple nature of the delivery, the clean cut wording and
precise pictures.

Thoughts, accept this cell block
and the warden at the front
who tells but one thing always,
recite, repeat, rinse the blood,

You've depicted this teacher beautifully. That last line though, the...recite repeat, rinse the blood... wonderful metaphor for a textbook teacher.

Ok, it took me a while to get into the mindset of this piece but nothing like the abrupt nature of a Monday morning to snap you into reality. And it did. This was wonderful. Wonderful descriptions of conformity and lessons in following the dead leader. Lessons on how one differs from the rest, and the demise that takes him once he does.
I adore the atmosphere you've built in this piece. The language alone stands strong with that tone you've managed to keep from top to toe. The grace you've created is magic.
A stunning read. Beautiful imagery. Vintage feel. Classy Read.

Loved it, TheIllyricist.


Thank you

[Emily]

Updated feed.