She

[143]

She was forbidden like Formica in high end lofts
Standing out with shades of newness
Her eyes were beckoning rejection from those who understanding lacked intelligence
Schooling with the depths of a Marianan Trench resident

And the scene pause to take notice
Holding the gaudiness of their opinion to the back rooms of judgement
Bounce the babyish comments in bluetoothed messages
Letting snotty attitudes dry on interior rims of shirt collars

Yet she notice the flawed presentations
Placing worth of those wronged notes in this aria in social receptacles
It's not done to spite the looks
But to create a stew for those who lack strength to rise as a titan

Between the billowing conversations probing non existent background
And the superficial notions playing themselves as patsies to criminal thoughts
Her grace and poise petrifies and induce flairs of sophistication
She become picturesque
A rainbow bursting through an acid wash monochrome skyline
Ravishing heartstrings to play down their ill gotten stance

[Fatrick Swayze]

I will feed this later

[Emily]

Ok, we're free styling 143, here we go.


She was forbidden like Formica in high end lofts Inviting introduction. Strong.
Standing out with shades of newness Well put.
Her eyes were beckoning rejection from those who understanding lacked intelligence were understanding? or understood? I get a hicup, here.
Schooling with the depths of a Marianan Trench resident Nice line. Deep. Ironically lol.

And the scene pause to take notice I want to put a d on the word pause.
Holding the gaudiness of their opinion to the back rooms of judgement Love it. Great line. I love this line.
Bounce the babyish comments in bluetoothed messages lol, awww ma gawd...I can see it.
Letting snotty attitudes dry on interior rims of shirt collars Nice. You give good imagery. lol

Yet she notice the flawed presentations
Placing worth of those wronged notes in this aria in social receptacles This line is very clever. You say a lot in a little.
It's not done to spite the looks
But to create a stew for those who lack strength to rise as a titan So well put. And so true.

Between the billowing conversations probing non existent background I appreciate the attention to detail.
And the superficial notions playing themselves as patsies to criminal thoughts Keeping up with the Joneses.
Her grace and poise petrifies and induce flairs of sophistication I'm tripping with something grammatical but the line induces flairs of sophistication,
and I don't give a shit anymore about that typo.
She become picturesque How - beautiful.
A rainbow bursting through an acid wash monochrome skyline Yeah. Great descriptions.
Ravishing heartstrings to play down their ill gotten stance You're carrying the atmosphere and keeping the tone, just right.


I gotta read it again, that was a rush.

Yep, that was a rush.

Loved this 143. I've missed your stuff. I like how you take me there. To whatever place you're living in the moment.
And you can have a typo/tense trip-up, and my mind you know? it hicups, but ohhhh, you pick me up and take me there.
Right there, that moment. I love that freshness in written word. It's being there, experiencing it.
I love your writing. My heart skips a beat, an adrenaline high; when your crisp descriptions transport me.
It's an adventure and a pleasure.



Great Read.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh, one more thing...the title.
One more time, you say a lot, in a little.
I like the simplicity of She.

The picture was a classy addition too.
Wrong pic, you'd turn me off.
Right pic, you'd turn me on.



Thank you.

[trajik]

She was forbidden like Formica in high end lofts
Standing out with shades of newness
Her eyes were beckoning rejection from those who understanding lacked intelligence
Schooling with the depths of a Marianan Trench resident

i feel that who was meant to be whose, and my understanding of this opening stanza is that you met this beautiful woman that was so smart that she gave your brain are a large erection and she was deep too, hence the resident of mariana's trench. i'm liking it. i fear i will get confused rather quickly, your topicals are hard enough but now this is poetry hahaha.

And the scene pause to take notice
Holding the gaudiness of their opinion to the back rooms of judgement
Bounce the babyish comments in bluetoothed messages
Letting snotty attitudes dry on interior rims of shirt collars

paused*? you felt the room judging the two of you? middle line, bounch the babyish- confuses me, are these text messages you are sending each other while you are there? snotty attitude line confuses me too but its very nicely worded. lots of imagery here in this stanza.

Yet she notice the flawed presentations
Placing worth of those wronged notes in this aria in social receptacles
It's not done to spite the looks
But to create a stew for those who lack strength to rise as a titan

noticed*? throwing the other's negative opinions in the trash? to you she's beautiful but you're more interested in your brain power but no one else gets the appeal?

Between the billowing conversations probing non existent background
And the superficial notions playing themselves as patsies to criminal thoughts
Her grace and poise petrifies and induce flairs of sophistication
She become picturesque
A rainbow bursting through an acid wash monochrome skyline
Ravishing heartstrings to play down their ill gotten stance

induces*? became*? becomes*? this last stanza is really well worded, nice word choices and vocabulary use, no surprise from mr vocab. lots of great imagery here, and its over my head but i think i get the sense that she was like a lioness coming to life in this stanza.

cool read man, can't wait until i can read poetry better to understand your work.it's weird not to have your multis in here from topicals for me to relate to haha. and also thank you so much for feeding my poems. you'll be seeing me in here for the near future i believe, think i've made a switch from topicals to poetry. tried haiku but it bored the hell out of me. so i wanna focus on the corner here.

[143]

i feel that who was meant to be whose, and my understanding of this opening stanza is that you met this beautiful woman that was so smart that she gave your brain are a large erection and she was deep too, hence the resident of mariana's trench. i'm liking it. i fear i will get confused rather quickly, your topicals are hard enough but now this is poetry hahaha.



paused*? you felt the room judging the two of you? middle line, bounch the babyish- confuses me, are these text messages you are sending each other while you are there? snotty attitude line confuses me too but its very nicely worded. lots of imagery here in this stanza.


noticed*? throwing the other's negative opinions in the trash? to you she's beautiful but you're more interested in your brain power but no one else gets the appeal?


induces*? became*? becomes*? this last stanza is really well worded, nice word choices and vocabulary use, no surprise from mr vocab. lots of great imagery here, and its over my head but i think i get the sense that she was like a lioness coming to life in this stanza.

cool read man, can't wait until i can read poetry better to understand your work.it's weird not to have your multis in here from topicals for me to relate to haha. and also thank you so much for feeding my poems. you'll be seeing me in here for the near future i believe, think i've made a switch from topicals to poetry. tried haiku but it bored the hell out of me. so i wanna focus on the corner here.

Thank you. This is a natural progression from topicals because it uses the same vision topical verses do but without the restrains. I like to see what a poetical Trajik look like....thanks for the feed

[Fatrick Swayze]

My bad for the late feed


I read this like 4 times and I just love the organic progression your words carry.
Great way to mix I'm a story while still keeping that poetic sense to each line.
This is a new look for you in poetry lol. Usually your very abstract(I'm talking about years back).

I think this is the most recent thing I've read from you, I think I'm a stoner. Anyway back to the
Topic. It seems you've found you niche and I've always enjoyed your writing bruh.


But for old time sake, I need a mr. Vocabulary type of poem lol to fill the itch

[Sammy]

lovely, big homie!

Love the concept of this verse. Somehow its very non-eventful...YET...was able to make sooo much moves. I love the psychology also. IF my assessment is correct, this verse was about a beautiful center of attention. She's surrounded in this untouchable aura that exists simply because other's allowed it so.

I believe a very common human trait is was explored in this piece as some type of defense mechanism.

And the scene pause to take notice
Holding the gaudiness of their opinion to the back rooms of judgement
Bounce the babyish comments in bluetoothed messages
Letting snotty attitudes dry on interior rims of shirt collars

^^i feel that that stanza was alluding to "hate". What's the one source of emotion you rely on as an "immediate" response when you are face with unconquerable odds? Hate. Simple. I love how that idea was presented with such smooth diction - incorporating metaphors, alliteration, and overall human psychology in the mix. It was dope, man.

Overall, i felt this whole verse speaks of boldness. Just do it. the female character serves as an ultimate contingent of self discovery. Are u a sissy ass nigga or someone who deserves to be the pick of the literary agent? Dope verse, brutha man.