Sins from the Nuclear Wasteland: The Engineer

[Conceptual]

at the flick of a red button

absolute function always corrupts
as this life-device self-destructs
implanting my seed, Earth was fucked

I stand within the lifeless metropolis
debris from the citadel lay scattered like
forsaken tombstones, behold the necropolis
glowing beings through the thick smog
distorted silhuettes of radiated humans
wandering around like phantoms cloaked by the fog
the air is hot, distant screams, it's hard to tell
mutated fowls circle the dark red sky like starved demons
I concede, this is hell

creatures suffering
by the hands of fate, presence was forged
experiments, evolutionary codex, genetic codes malformed

the primordial cycle, survival, reproduction
holocaust, extinction, inevitable repercussions
degenerate infants, natural cataclysms
nature was never cruel, merely an eyeless mechanism
replications of genes by all means
innumerable souls, ghosts imposed by the machine

who am I really?
let's just just say I am being
consciousness, becoming
thus we had to inhabit something
now I circle back to nothing
releasing command, time, to stop this

at the flick of a red button

- - - Updated - - -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8841295
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8841298

^^Let me know if they ain't thorough enough, been a while since I fed poems.

[Jukon]

why don't you post more? i'll feed this proper in a while.

[Enclave]

glowing beings through the thick smog
distorted silhuettes of radiated humans
wandering around like phantoms cloaked by the fog

degenerate infants, natural cataclysms
nature was never cruel, merely an eyeless mechanism



Couple of favorites from this. Very solid piece with some substance in my mind because of multiple reason.

I agree with Juk and look forward to more of your work

[Poeta Demonio]

Very powerful opening stanza. The short rhythm really helps to build the momentum and content wise I really liked how you played with the power corrupting absolutely concept. Very clever. Second stanza had a few syntax errors for me. Stretching of lines could be reduced by putting grammar in place. Full stop at the end of the first sentence and re working the latter part of the stanza entirely. However, the core concepts that you're portraying here are vivid and strong and again, impressive. I think the third stanza should be broke up into individual lines. This will add punch to each statement, where as in a sentence it reads extremely odd. The fourth stanza is gold! I love the listing quality and how it rolls off the tongue, very aware of syllabic count and therefore reads like a dream! Very well done. The final stanza needs work wording wise. It doesn't make sense to say 'becoming thus we had to'. However I LOVE (and I tthink is my favorite line) your final flipped concept of 'being conscious' as opposed to conscious being. That was magic man!

Anyways, very good read. If you haven't been scared away by lack of responses, the site is getting better now, and I'm around to drop feed. Keep postng, you're a good writer and RB can help you develop.