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Thread: Pandemonium

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
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    Pandemonium

    without any warning the faint noobs emerged
    truly worthless crude worms tainting the pure earth
    we must instigate the purge, precipitate a rebirth
    felicitate our leaders
    what a novelty tale of loyalty & betrayal
    the holy grail overflowed from all souls overthrown
    overall, overlords holds the throne over all
    oh behold, a legion of ludicrous losers on a warpath
    a disturbance in the force was forecast
    witnessing all that shiny and fictitious bling
    glistening under the moonlight is a spooky sight
    we detect them within grim and gloomy nights
    a band of dabblers and dilettantes, riding together for the creed, attacking
    in a wave of bloody teenage faces, breaking out from the red sea of Acne
    meagerly rapping, moaning and groaning
    chinless creatures chased by their own shadows, squealing in the mist
    deceived by whispers, twisted dream eclipsers, seal them with a diss
    acknowledged trash-talk rap-lords stands back all appalled
    as the lyrical assualt from false cults descends
    stemming from a living hell, reppin' it to the bitter end
    situation critical, luckily the citadel have sentinel MCs that can spit again
    war of words at it's pinnacle, the battlefield scenery is splendid
    relentless, the hellbent pretenders definitely surrenders
    only one chapter, bones fracture as we own and capture
    maintain high positions like cold stoned statues
    all captured is suffering, from severe inabilty
    the remaining intruders is ushered to a near facility
    for medical tests, is it ethical? yes
    we may take a tenable guess
    that the examiners might find a cure against this terrible pest

    - - - Updated - - -

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8841299
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8841301

  2. #2
     Murder The Mainstream Nohbody's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    it all seemed a bit unfocused or lacking real direction, but the content itself was actually pretty good. Good use of assonance. In the middle, the flow unfolded a bit but then you quickly got back on it. Good vocabulary. I mean. . . it actually had a story to tell, this would have been a much better written. But it was still a decent scribe . . . id say in the future. . just give us some sort of plot. . beginning / middle / and end

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    An armed man is a citizen,
    An unarmed man is a victim
    .

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    its pretty amazing. its like one long sentence full of entertaining thoughts.
    im not sure i took a breather reading that. it was fast paced and sped up.
    it was clear description and obvious talent.
    and it was refreshing to read.
    so thank you.
    i liked it a lot.
    Last edited by Emily; December 28th, 2016 at 08:27 AM


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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    Alright, thanks for the feedie. Imma try to get back to you.

    It's an older piece posted here for the hell of it.

  5. #5
     Murder The Mainstream Nohbody's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    Yeah, I'm Concrete from NC and LA.
    10-4

    im going to remove all the comments out and clean this up a bit.

    im over on LA as rhetorical . . feel free to say hi if we bump into each other

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    An armed man is a citizen,
    An unarmed man is a victim
    .

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    Quote Originally Posted by Enoch Light View Post
    10-4

    im going to remove all the comments out and clean this up a bit.

    im over on LA as rhetorical . . feel free to say hi if we bump into each other

    Ah, LAs new wonderboy.

  7. #7
    FUCK YOU! Spree's Avatar
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    Re: Pandemonium

    LMAO

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