Season 17 First Four --- 143 vs Metrics--143 wins

[143]

@143 vs @Metrics
CHECK IN BY MONDAY 12/19

VERSE BY THURSDAY 12/27 EXTENSION TILL SATURDAY 12/29

VOTES BY TUESDAY 1/3
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THIS IS AN OPEN TOPIC BOUNDARY ROUND

ALL VERSES MUST HAVE A MINIMUM OF 16 LINES MAX OF 32 LINES

YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT IT MUST BE TRAGIC, GLEEFUL AND IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OR NEW YEAR'S FESTIVE

RULES HERE: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8842955

[143]

check

[Metrics]

Check Check

[Metrics]

I unfortunately won't get any time to work on this until tomorrow! But i'll have it done by tomorrow evening

[143]

you do know that you have until the 27th to post @Metrics

[Metrics]

Even better! Schedules a bit crazy with the holidays, cheers @143

[Metrics]

A Modern Christmas Story



Let me set the scene, see everyone’s festive
and gay with Christmas feeling less like a dream
As I stand outside the Krispy Kreme trying to scheme
Begging for money like a true dope fiend
The sidewalks are shoveled, alleyways frostbitten.
This honestly isn’t how I want to be living!
Children awaiting presents they’re about to be given
while I’m just wishing for a new pair of mittens
I’ll hold signs that say “Help my kids have a happy holiday,”
But realistically I know at the end of each day
It always concludes with me down by the bay
huddled with others getting loaded under the causeway
I often ponder a different life, one with kids and a wife
Where I’m home every night, and my goals are In-sight
But I know it’s just another Christmas giving me hope
My out is either by rope or maybe just more of this dope
Then I think… soon it will be spring a new year will begin
The changes it could bring!
Yeah………
That belief is the actual sin

[143]

http://rehtwogunraconteur.com/wp-con...npic-santa.jpg
Santa Pulled a Pistol on Millie


This December night rages to stop the warmth of the season
Like the North plotting treason into the Cali Valley of the Dolls
Even the ally stench fall victim creating the fourth night of pleading
But the reasoning of heat is a hostage in the galley in the walls
Being in the 20's didn't stop the community festivities
Giving temporal immunity to civility and punitive humility
James Brown cadences filled hearts like full hot chocolate mugs
Sugared kids fidgeting and murmuring in front of a shag carpet rug
An empty seat with the pleasantry of a home cook meal
Gleaming in the cheaply lit spotlight, in ghetto charm
Then a roaring "Ho Ho Ho" make those shook squeal
Continuing the melodic entrance with his falsetto warm
It was like the Superbowl Champs had came to make dreams
Take the rim of belief, proving truth can't change things
Or at least in those infantile eyes looking at the present time
Santa sits giving instruction to the waiting ears in line....

And they are happy, rattling on about impossible, expensive items
Santa giving them advice and fake promises to excite them
Parents claiming the responsibility of bringing Ole St. Nick here
Walking with pride on tilt, giving looks of new recognition
But off in the distance stands a girl who hate is clear
Waiting for digression to subside to her violent attrition
Her heart commissioned a hit that would clear paths of pain
Reverberating laugh strains and rearrange her normal lane
Making the straight and narrow curved around actions defiled
Evil guile smiles each step close as righteousness is exiled
4 kids from the moment, the elves give Santa a breather
Exiting to the parking lot, smoking the last of his cig's centimeters
A "Die Bitch!!" follows shots whizzing his furry brim
But Santa turns and deliver a gift that suspends her gluttonous grin......

Sirens and lights deck the halls of this folly
A note in her pocket reads "This St. Nick ain't so jolly....."

[Enclave]

Her heart commissioned a hit that would clear paths of pain
Reverberating laugh strains and rearrange her normal lane
Making the straight and narrow curved around actions defiled
Evil guile smiles each step close as righteousness is exiled

^Best from either verse.

Vote - 143 for the overall better story and better verse. Good job, I enjoyed the read.

[Nohbody]

sorry, i even made a reminder for myself and forgot to vote on this hahah. . anywho

yea man, honestly, this one was pretty one sided.

Metric,
I think you just need to take more time and put more into your verse. Give us a full body of work. Dial up the vocab a little more. .I dunno. It just seems like you rushed this one to the table. . 143 on the other hand. A good story here, never disappointing with the vocabulary, and i have to say, one of the best examples of flow i have seen from you. Sometimes, you tend to let go of those syllables and let the substance get the better of the flow, but in this one, i feel like you balanced them both and really dug your heels in on this one. . .

I mean, i could give examples and quote different parts from each verses, but it would just be a formality . . .

143 gave the better executed verse here.

vote - 143

[ILLunatic]

Metrics was vivid with imagery but the whole thing seemed more of a joke than anything. The verse in itself was nothing special but had enough description to follow a story but it was more of a trolling than anything.

143 had a solid flow with emotion and a descriptive sense of creativity.

Vote - 143

[Nigma]

Metrics, this was a cool read man. I loved the stream of consciousness appeal and how it paired with the colloquial diction utilised throughout. Content wise, was progressed nicely. You really didn't go too deep in anything which isn't always a terrible thing but the verse overall came across as a random snippit of time as opposed to a description of a dramatic event. Technically, no gripes really. No hiccups, solid multis, flow pushed it. Overall, was consistent but lacked any standout moments that left an impact.

143, weird ass intro rhyme scheme. Read like The Night Before Xmas or some shit. Really enjoyed this verse, the combination of storytelling and imagery, the fucked up title made me lol, and it had an original feel to it. The barrage of imagery effect in the first verse was a cool contrast to the more story driven 2nd verse. Ending was weird, didn't fit with the writing style you used really but thats minor, still worked. Your precise vocab paints vividly but sometimes takes away from the fluidity of the read. That's just your status on the balancing act between flow and content and its cool tho, a distinct style.

Althought I really enjoyed reading both verses, picking a preference took little thought.

+1 143

[143]

@Metrics I give you props on your verse man...You will do well in this league...even champ it....

143 wins 4-0