User Tag List

View Poll Results: Who won this Sacred Scriptures Battle?

Voters
3. You may not vote on this poll
  • Metrics

    3 100.00%
  • late bloomer

    0 0%
Showing results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer----Metrics Wins

  1. #1
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    The Desert
    Posts
    1,821
    Battle Record
    8-9
    Awards SS HW Champion PC HOF OM HOF


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Best Topical Writer: 143

  2. #2
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    775
    Battle Record
    5-21

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    right im here will read rules in a bit when i get back in
    a labyrinth of power.....

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Metrics's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    66

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    Alright i'm here as well. @Latebloomer are you down with the second picture?

    - - - Updated - - -
    @late bloomer

  4. #4
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    775
    Battle Record
    5-21

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    yeah thats fine......
    a labyrinth of power.....

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Metrics's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    66

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    Lucifer's Kin

    I can no longer stand, I look across the room and see my feet & my hands
    I’m dripping blood into tin cans, alive from a tourniquet made from my pants

    The figures a disfigured killer taking to my guts with what looks like a roto-tiller
    He says “The spleen is just filler” his blood soaked hands open another miller

    The sweat mixed with blood and other bodily fluids makes my senses flood
    My tormentor strikes swiftly with a club, I can no longer tell blood from mud

    I scream for help no replies are found. I try to reach for where my hands are bound
    One closer look and my hands are down in a soil filled bed pan on the ground

    The figure laughs a belly driven jest as he takes a ¼” drill bit to my chest
    Attention Pneumothorax shortens my breath I cough out a few signs of death

    My visions slowly dissipating the stench of shit and blood continues incubating
    I’m beginning to understand the situation this fowl figures a spawn of SATAN

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Metrics's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    66

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    @late bloomer dude? This shits weak

  7. #7
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    775
    Battle Record
    5-21

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    Right forgot about this can write sumn quick tonight if ur okay with that
    a labyrinth of power.....

  8. #8
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    The Desert
    Posts
    1,821
    Battle Record
    8-9
    Awards SS HW Champion PC HOF OM HOF

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    Extension is granted if you needed @late bloomer


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Best Topical Writer: 143

  9. #9
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    775
    Battle Record
    5-21

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer

    Yo when i started rhyming i dropped a lotta statement type shit
    Never joined many leagues or spent time online still got no deck to flip
    Its like wine you take small sips and i tried to figure it out for a sec
    Like u a bat you came out ya cave like you was headed for the exit
    You tried to continue but you didnt comprehend the first lesson
    I guess you could try posting in the cypher section of this forum on the net
    If i had a real life something definitive to study like an open book test
    Im like the sun heading west can you remember if we even accept
    Or is it all just a jest something but can u afford that weight on your chest
    I decided yo make it personal one that would quickly pass it around
    Maybe i aint trust the ability of the skill in question like venice i leave ya underground
    Life ending with the character maybe not i was lonely decided to frown inside his thoughts
    a labyrinth of power.....

  10. #10
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    21,710
    Battle Record
    124-23
    Awards 100+ Wins OM HOF SOTW

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer----Open 4 Votes

    Lucifer's Kin

    I can no longer stand, I look across the room and see my feet & my hands
    I’m dripping blood into tin cans, alive from a tourniquet made from my pants


    The figures a disfigured killer taking to my guts with what looks like a roto-tiller
    He says “The spleen is just filler” his blood soaked hands open another miller

    The sweat mixed with blood and other bodily fluids makes my senses flood
    My tormentor strikes swiftly with a club, I can no longer tell blood from mud

    I scream for help no replies are found. I try to reach for where my hands are bound
    One closer look and my hands are down in a soil filled bed pan on the ground
    This last piece threw me off considering your first line portrayed your hands being across the room but now you're trying to reach where they're bound (as if they're tied together)

    The figure laughs a belly driven jest as he takes a ¼” drill bit to my chest
    Attention Pneumothorax shortens my breath I cough out a few signs of death

    My visions slowly dissipating the stench of shit and blood continues incubating
    I’m beginning to understand the situation this fowl figures a spawn of SATAN
    As a whole, this piece was a bit awkward. Without seeing the agreed picture topic, I instantly knew which picture you were using after the first couple of lines. You have some signs of detail on your writing when conveying imagery, I feel it needs to be polished a bit more to blend together and tell a better story.


    Yo when i started rhyming i dropped a lotta statement type shit
    Never joined many leagues or spent time online still got no deck to flip
    Its like wine you take small sips and i tried to figure it out for a sec
    Like u a bat you came out ya cave like you was headed for the exit
    You tried to continue but you didnt comprehend the first lesson
    I guess you could try posting in the cypher section of this forum on the net
    If i had a real life something definitive to study like an open book test
    Im like the sun heading west can you remember if we even accept
    Or is it all just a jest something but can u afford that weight on your chest
    I decided yo make it personal one that would quickly pass it around
    Maybe i aint trust the ability of the skill in question like venice i leave ya underground
    Life ending with the character maybe not i was lonely decided to frown inside his thoughts
    I fail to see any correlation with the topic. This seemed more like a random open mic than anything. There was absolutely no direction other than statementish rhymes about your experience of writing.

    Vote - Metrics


    Add & Follow

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    ·
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  11. #11
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,492
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer----Open 4 Votes

    Metrics and late bloomer, I thought it was a bit odd that you were both talking about deciding to write to the same piece.
    Most people just pick the picture they want to write to without telling their opponent prior.
    Then I found it odd that late bloomer agreed to write to the devil picture and then ended up writing something
    that had absolutely nothing to do with the devil picture.

    Metrics, I thought you did well. ILLunatic pointed out some issues that I had slight issues with too, so I won't go on about
    that again since it's already been brought up and dissected quite well.
    So the positives for me were that you were able to put yourself in that picture and draw emotions based on that angle, and that's
    not always easy to do but I think you did a pretty good job with your descriptions and imagery.
    I liked the dark aspect of your writing. The deeper elements you were able to draw out of your imagination for me were a bonus and
    really gave the piece a little more than just surface level writing. I think your rhymes were quite good and your flow was also quite consistent.
    You used the word blood five times in this verse which isn't a sin but keep in mind that it gets boring fast when you're not going to reach out of
    the square and delve into unknown territory.
    Maybe you could have used some sort of sick synonym or slightly changed some words around to keep
    the piece fresh where doubling up of words is concerned.

    late bloomer, true to your name I see lol.
    What does your piece have to do with the pic you and your opponent decided to write to?
    I get that you were rushed for a verse and had to drop something, but ...this has nothing to do with your challenge and so based on that alone,
    I don't even need to go into feeding and breaking down your verse.
    What a shame you didn't fully understand the concept of this challenge here.
    I'd be interested in seeing how you go actually writing to a picture next time.
    But for now, this is an easy win, and it goes to...


    V - Metrics

    Thanks for the read fellas.
    Last edited by Emily; January 24th, 2017 at 12:37 AM


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  12. #12
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer----Open 4 Votes

    Metrics, I see you have potential. That's for sure. You like telling a story which is always good to see. A few things I'd like to see you improve one. First being your structure. There's no reason to break up bars like this. It just feels awkward like somebody's first time performing at a poetry jam. Try doing 18 line phases and tell a more complete story that way. Beginning, middle and end full of meat. Another thing is your wording. Got a bit awkward sometimes like 'roto-tiller' and 'the figures a disfigured killer'. I know there's much better ways to say what you want to say in areas like this. Rhyme scheme was a bit simple too. I'd like to see more multies inside and at the end of each line to spice things up. I look forward to seeing more from you in the future though.

    Late, not a fan of this kind of writing if I'm being honest with you bud. Simple story about yourself that people can relate to but are they interested in it? Probably not. Simple wording with lots of spelling and grammar errors. Simple rhyme scheme that never really picks up pace. I'd read some Hall of Fame and Legendary pieces and study. Get an idea of what you can improve on and if you ever want help PM me. I'm not always around but I'm definitely qualified to help you out.

    Vote Metics for a more in depth piece with a more amusing story.

  13. #13
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    21,710
    Battle Record
    124-23
    Awards 100+ Wins OM HOF SOTW

    Re: Season 17 First Four: Metrics vs Late Bloomer----Open 4 Votes

    3-0 in favor of Metrics, closed.


    Add & Follow

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    ·
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •