User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Stars? :|

  1. #1

    Stars? :|

    It’s lasting
    The stars
    The bars
    That we create
    Appreciate our flaws will you
    Mediate our dirty paws
    Our curtly causes
    We not here forever
    Never settle
    With peddling
    And realize there it’s a time
    Where errors are irrelevant
    Malevolence is the imminent
    Diligence is the dividend
    Flip the script and take the nights
    From getting tips to
    Taking trips
    From getting fits
    To making lists

    Yooooo, what up. Its my first post on this websiteeee

  2. #2
    - Retired - #PrimeTime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    6,852
    Battle Record
    58-60
    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: Stars? :|

    What's good ZanyMechanism? I see ur new here and I not sure if youre an alias or not, but this seemed like a bunch of babble. Not hating. Um, id say go look in the OM Hall of Fame to see how to elevate ur skills. This piece seems to me more like an audio piece than an actual written piece. Looking at your flow, it deffinately seems to me that this would be better suited to be an audio verse. This isnt bad....but there aint nany direction where this is going. Add some concepts and some structure to ur piece to make an actual topic/story to where u want to go with this piece. But, yeah man, do you, and just keep writing....

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by Celph Taut
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    sick, bro. Holy shit. Absolutely captivating lyrics. never seen something so explosive, dynamic, and quintessentially mesmerizing! Keep it up!

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,492
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: Stars? :|

    Hey Zany, welcome. I think this is something that would be more suited in the cypher section.
    There's a certain amount of lines needed for om drops and your work here is interesting but its more along the cypher line i think
    as opposed to om.
    That aside, you've got some crafty lines, but from line to line, they don't always make complete sense,
    not that written work has to make complete sense but...yeah....I think the guts of this is missing, the core.
    You've got some nice descriptions but I'd like to see you
    delve deeper and give us more imagery, more description, more depth and more story line in an om drop .
    Looking forward to reading more from you.
    Last edited by Emily; January 25th, 2017 at 01:00 AM


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  4. #4
    KING OF THE WEB Jae Criisp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    The Golden Gates
    Posts
    85

    Re: Stars? :|

    Nice attempt but I Believe You should work on your Concept a Lil More. You left that "Whats going on" Type in my mind when reading through. You will get it, Practice make "Greatness"

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •