The Four Winds

[TheIllyricist]

A hint of cigarettes laced with booze
Sweet perfume poisoned in youth
Lost amidst the silk made maze
Of twisted sheets and passion’s haze
Blinding, breathe the taste of oaths
Broken by dawn, a kiss at close

Roll along that side once filled
Empty again, warm in touch
But cold and lonely, stilled
And grasping for much-

Gaze of the emerald plains reminiscent
Of the western fields ever distant

Smoke and booze, a perfume breeze
Playing the winter blues of woodland trees

A fur pelt beneath the hearth’s stone
Two fires bind, and I hear you moan

Pines of pain etched on the young
Taste the wind on my toungue-

Grasp and close, a lost sunset
On the horizon of unsaid regret
But lay still in the unrest of then
And wait til’ the four winds come again.

[Emily]

Illy, this is beautiful. The words sing to me when read. It's that lovely floating melody that's not an easy feat
but you make it look like second nature.
Also your words help this piece so much, because that imagery you have is built on a solid foundation and
the pictures in my head are strong and loud and colourful. They're alive and breathe.
I'll come back and paste in some quotes I adored, but for now know that this was refreshing to read and feed.
Great work TheIllyricist, always a pleasure checking out your work.
You're such an inspiration to me.

I'll be back but for now....


Great read

and...

Thank you for dropping.

[ExPoeta]

The flow of the piece really brings it to life. I feel that the mixture of couplets and quatrains really work together well to beak up sections that would otherwise read awkwardly. I feel like you were lazy with certain aspects of your rhyming word choice, like maze/haze, touch/much (which really doesn't work, change 'much' as it throws the reader out of the narrative with over predictability) unsaid regret also sounds very odd and not necessarily in a good way. Nice effort, keep your ability to maintain a steady flow, but think about word selection and avoid the obvious when possible.