Passing Thoughts - part 1 (Been ages since I've written something still rusty)

[KingTut]

who would've thought i'd end up back on rap battles
never thought i would ever get back in that saddle
not sure if i'm that wack, or are my facts actual
but i'm an artist so i will always re-visit that rabbit hole
nothing is what it is , because everything is what it isn't
the world I live in is nothing like what i envisioned
this place is so strange , feels like something is missing
the dreams we dream seem distant from actual fruition
chase dreams, till one day you stuck paying tuition
government got you butt fucked, then sell you ammunition
when does it ever stop, I can't even see the finish line
is happiness a destination? or a worm on a fuckin fishing line
my vision was 20/20 but as of late its on a quick decline
I'm quick to make assumptions then I try to quickly hit rewind
one thing though, I will never get sick of tryin
something don't work the way it should, its time to re-define
I try to get you to read a mind, that's real design is to wish he had a clearer sign
I fear for mine, so i gotta make enough green to cover shrek's big green behind
so i'm on the grind
night and day, sniffing out the jobs
i'm so legit though, I ain't about to rob
what goes around comes around like a door knob
I get my blessings from above so i'm certain I won't flop



...to be continued

thoughts appreciated!

[_Lyrics]

hey tut! You need to post two links to get some feedback!

ill be nice and share my thoughts first though, felt like it started out a bit rocky, welcome back to the rabbit hole alice lol about halfway it picked up, considerably. Was taking form to be soimething good really, i liked the redefine-shreks green behind the best for the bars, and also thought the door knob line was pretty clever, feel like you'd do better tying your bars into eachother a bit better maybe using whats been said on the previous line to hone in more on creative detailing. the bars were pretty funny though, and well worded for the most. had some flow running with internals and multis, for another flex piece on the board, it wasnt bad at all. thanks for the read!

[iLL ScriptureZ]

Reading this piece I can kind of relate to back in my teens. The first 4 lines of you questioning your ability really is something I think most artists go through at one time or another. It is kind of either making peace with it not being for you or sticking with this hobby of yours. At the end of the day, this is a hobby for most of us and not a career. Hobby should always be fun, if you're not having fun man, then what is the point? Moving forward...

this place is so strange , feels like something is missing
the dreams we dream seem distant from actual fruition

Preach homie... sometimes I feel the same way in my own life. Like this shit really can't be real... and it is of course and then other times it feels like the goals in which you set (dreams) are really just that, dreams. In retrospect, if it was easy then it really isn't what you want. But sometimes the trials you go through to achieve them are overwhelming. I wish you didn't used "butt fuck"... that kind killed that line. I see that word usage as a playful term and didn't really belong in a passionate piece.

when does it ever stop, I can't even see the finish line
is happiness a destination? or a worm on a fuckin fishing line

Man you had one here, if it was worded better and you finished the concept.

one thing though, I will never get sick of tryin
something don't work the way it should, its time to re-define

Loving the grim beginning and then the positive upswing. This was a nice bar hear and it was heard loud and clear. I think that your ending was weak. It felt as if you either forgot where you wanted to go, or you still do not know where you wanna go with this verse, even though you say to be continued.

Keep writing.