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Thread: 16

  1. #1

    16

    Im picking pockets from Pac hits, profits from prophets
    Picture me rolling strolling like a bull in a mosh pit
    Monstrous, somebody letting Kong in the cock pit
    pussy gettin stretched more than the neck of an ostrich
    clock ticks, I pull apart the cogs and then I locked it
    Ya circle getting greased like Im fufillin a mob hit
    Popped it, no pimp値l be distributing my shit
    You could地t sell a bitch if you was taking her hostage
    God spits, I still dont give a fuck about crosses
    unless you being marked out as a bitch without conscience
    prom sins, have daddy waiting up like a bar maid
    2 shots into ya mouth like i was getting you car laid
    parlayed, pardon me like leaving a stockade
    unless she pepper pots then cock is comin like dark dayz
    bar raised, ya skill aint gettin seen like a fog haze
    The Game gon need an extra just to say that you part take

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: 16

    Teflon Kong, welcome.

    Im picking pockets from Pac hits, profits from prophets
    Ok, I like the sound of this line, but I'm not sure what picking pockets from Pac hits means.
    But I love the profits from prophets line. Thats really good wording.

    Picture me rolling strolling like a bull in a mosh pit
    Monstrous, somebody letting Kong in the cock pit
    pussy gettin stretched more than the neck of an ostrich
    clock ticks, I pull apart the cogs and then I locked it
    These lines are cool too. Good descriptions making imagery nice and strong.
    Nice rhymes Teflon and good flow backing it up. You do brag quite well.
    That ostrich line was clever. I think the word 'locked' would have fit better as 'lock' though.
    Definitely no biggie though.

    Ya circle getting greased like Im fufillin a mob hit
    Popped it, no pimp’ll be distributing my shit
    You could’nt sell a bitch if you was taking her hostage
    Ok, still got that grunt happening and trying to sell the image.
    I think you've done well so far here too. Bit extreme but that's what
    this piece is, and I think you did well.
    God spits, I still dont give a fuck about crosses
    unless you being marked out as a bitch without conscience
    Real clever wordplay here, but it would have been better if you hadn't used the word
    bitches, only because its in such close proximaty to the same word just a step or two up from it.

    prom sins, have daddy waiting up like a bar maid
    lol nice line.
    2 shots into ya mouth like i was getting you car laid
    This one was lost on me though, sorry.

    parlayed, pardon me like leaving a stockade
    unless she pepper pots then cock is comin like dark dayz
    Nice lines here. Not sure what pepper pots is, sorry lol. But the rest has nice
    flow about it and also the dark dayz line is really good.

    bar raised, ya skill aint gettin seen like a fog haze
    The Game gon need an extra just to say that you part take
    Nice metaphor here. That fog haze line is great. I don't mind your last line
    but I reckon it could have been stronger. For an outro, imo, the stronger the better.
    Not that it's a bad line, far from it, just that it's not making the world crash which
    is what I want to happen to the world when I'm reading the last line/s.
    Is that asking too much? lol

    Anyway, good stuff here Teflon. You got a lot going on and on the first read it sort of
    had me wondering if it all worked but on the second read, things were a lot smoother for me.
    I still think you can come a bit stronger with more harshness and a more organic agro vibe, but
    I think what you delivered here is a good window into your capabilities and I'm interested and
    looking forward to your next lot of work.

    Interesting Read.

    Thank you.


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  3. #3

    Re: 16

    Its a free write, so a lot of the schemes is rough, first couple bars was just catching a flow, then i start connecting. Good looking out

    oh yeah the bars you confused about

    2 shots in ya mouth = busting nut

    Stockade = Stark aid, as in Tony Starks asistant Pepper Potts ... who is Gweneth paltrow right now, and I def would

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: 16

    Quote Originally Posted by Teflon Kong View Post
    Its a free write, so a lot of the schemes is rough, first couple bars was just catching a flow, then i start connecting. Good looking out

    oh yeah the bars you confused about

    2 shots in ya mouth = busting nut

    Stockade = Stark aid, as in Tony Starks asistant Pepper Potts ... who is Gweneth paltrow right now, and I def would

    lol thanks for explaining.
    good stuff.


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  5. #5
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: 16

    What up kong! this was well put together verse, the flow was nice and there were some original bars here and there, plenty of internal rhymes, was able to knock the read down pretty quick, i can tell this was thought up on the sly and put together much like a 16 should, not to mention its a motherfucking 16. wording was alright, not too much deep substance, but there were some well put rhymes mixed in, would like to see how you do with a topic in mind. thanks for the read.
    GreaterDesignGrowers.com

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  6. #6

    Re: 16

    Quote Originally Posted by _Lyrics View Post
    What up kong! this was well put together verse, the flow was nice and there were some original bars here and there, plenty of internal rhymes, was able to knock the read down pretty quick, i can tell this was thought up on the sly and put together much like a 16 should, not to mention its a motherfucking 16. wording was alright, not too much deep substance, but there were some well put rhymes mixed in, would like to see how you do with a topic in mind. thanks for the read.
    sgood bro, I might get deep, I dont know... might need some inspiration or weed, good looks

  7. #7

    Re: 16

    Nice flex piece here my man. That first line had alliteration galore! the sound of the P's hit really hard and it just made for a nice kick to open the verse. It really created interest for the rest of the drop. I thought you had a good flow although the aggressiveness from the first line seemed to dissipate the further I got into the drop. I'm really all for the flex piece / self hype / punchy shit. I really really am, so there is always a level of enjoyment from me. Looking to see more from you.

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  8. #8

    Re: 16

    bro i thought you gassed good shit look forward to reading more

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