Smart guy

[Rock girl]

There was once a smart guy,
Who never experienced of being inlove.
Then suddenly he met this girl,
that brought his heart some joy.
One day the girl confessed,
She'll court the guy with her best.
He began to wonder,
Is this the start of something better?
He never knew he will feel this way,
because all he done is study all day.
He always say that love can wait,
But I guess cupid struck him and gave him faith

[Emily]

There was once a smart guy,
So fiction it is.
Who never experienced of being inlove.
the word inlove needs a space. no biggie.
Then suddenly he met this girl,
that brought his heart some joy. nice line.
One day the girl confessed,
She'll court the guy with her best. I don't like this line. It's pretending to be showy but it's boring.
Court sounds dated, and, 'with her best'... what? effort? shoes? roofie?
He began to wonder,
Is this the start of something better? Ok
He never knew he will feel this way,
because all he done is study all day.
He always say that love can wait,
But I guess cupid struck him and gave him faith

Boss lady, I loved the last line.
That last line made up for lines that meant well.
Nice last line.
If only everything could be on par with that line.
Some might say it's a lil cliche' but it holds lovely poetic air.
The words 'cupid' and 'faith' brought strong imagery.
Balance that with '...He always say that love can wait...'
What's going on Boss Lady?
Either you're dumbing yourself down intentionally,
or you don't care enough to put as much effort in every line, or effort in editing every line.
I've seen a piece of yours on another site that ...doesn't have simple mistakes.
Faultless where speech is concerned.
With this piece, I'm aware you've come a long way from where you were,
but imo you need to forget the audience and write from the heart.
And work on natural speech.

Good luck.

Thank you.

[Rock girl]

Okay

[143]

I like the innocent feel to this, like two shy people acknowledging each other. She wants love and he want success yet secretly wanting each other. The only thing I saw were some word choices that made it twist but other than that this poem was good. It filled my curiosity with a lighthearted look at virgining love...

[ExPoeta]

At the moment it's just not there. It's conversational wording awkwardly juxtaposed against a falsely pre- conceived notion of what poetic tone should be. Poetry is not an alien being. It really isn't a pre-requisite to follow traditional form or style. I'd suggest reading more poetry/books and becoming more familiarized with the possibilities language has to offer. I overlooked the grammar to a degree, yet it really needs work. The entire coherence and reliability depends on upon that authorial direction.

I really liked your passion; that definitely came across strongly. Now it just needs some spice!

If you were game, I'd be down to give you some tutelage in use of metaphorical language and possible poetic devices that are open to you. Get at me.

[Rock girl]

thanks for reading everyone!