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Thread: If your walls could talk....Rehabilitation....

  1. #1
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    If your walls could talk....Rehabilitation....




    IF YOUR WALLS COULD TALK...REHABILITATION


    From your blank stare I see brightly painted pictures
    Tainted fixtures hiding the cowered scourge your fighting
    Subsiding support for those concocting antiquated mixtures
    Passing those who lost hope picking a dirge of your liking
    Trying to erase the writing of your skin replacing with emoji grins
    Revoking sins of the ill mannered pampering ones controlling wins
    Bestowing a calmness, I follow the steps you create with passion
    Down through the hollow thoughts destroyed, innate from actions
    Guiding light of an angelic fingertip wedging the interment of progression
    Asserting the purging of blown cartilage and withered tendons
    Reverting the urging to be spry in a scene of deterring recession
    Blessing the push, craftily escaping like slithered felons...

    In this new confines I'm learn lessons from your corridors
    Never forgetting the rooms filled nights with songs of horrocore
    Your windows caressing the dreams deferred from interference
    Intermittent fact checks and the slacking of disturbed perseverance
    I'm striving to stand on my twos like DJ hands on wax discs
    Scratching to the top, burning through the borders like acid
    And when I am free from conformity placed in a medicinal state
    I'll let you spit a hot verse praising my unintentional fate......

    IF YOUR WALLS COULD TALK.....



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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  2. #2
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Awards SS HW Champion PC HOF OM HOF


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Best Topical Writer: 143

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: If your walls could talk....Rehabilitation....

    I kinda feel like you've finally considered my criticism because this is exactly what I've been looking for. Detail is still not quite what I'm looking for but it's definitely more descriptive and clear than most of your pieces. The wording was really smooth and as follows created a fluent and easy to follow, easy to enjoy flow. Rhyme scheme was better than I'm used to seeing outta you. Really got no complaints from a technical aspect and your story/concept seemed personal. Reminds me a bit of somebody on the rise to redemption/recovery. It's a nice, underutilized topic that you don't see often. I enjoyed it. Nom'd.

  4. #4
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: If your walls could talk....Rehabilitation....

    hey 143, really cool read, I thought this was a clever interpretation of a kind of done to death topic though, seen a lot of addiction type of pieces, that being said this was a pretty fresh take, I liked the almost positive spin to the start, and i thought there were some great displays of wording with a lot of poetic imagery behind it. i liked that i was kind of being dragged through this facility looking through a mix of a micro-kaliedo-scope, especially with that kendrick beat, could definitely ride to it, im not usually a fan of the ab-ab type of rhyme scheme though, but i though you pulled it off in a nice way with your opening bars, especially with the internal rhymes going on. I was definitely feeling the vibe of this, and i can definitely respect the language usages. this was a unique twisting of these two topics, where it could've went a million ways, especially given the blend, but i liked where you brought it. thanks for the read.
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