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View Poll Results: Who should win this battle?

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  • Johnny Omega

    5 100.00%
  • Late Bloomer

    0 0%
Showing results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Behemoth Wins)

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Behemoth Wins)

    Thirty lines max.
    Due in 48 hours.
    You pick the topic.

    @late bloomer since you're a lazy, blind cunt.

  2. #2
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    right no checkins or nothing?? and the battle closes 48 hours right i want you to allow until thusrday or friday for peeps to vote and the winner will be decided either when the votes end therefore the battle can be closed properly....... so again no checkins and blind drops or how you want to play it... i think house rules would be 3 votes - 0 viotes = Kncockout victory.... and first to 5 votes if three votes is not determined by way of knockout......in other words first to five is TKO or technical knockout.. okay cool.. anyways will have battle for wednesday night if i understand you correctly...
    a labyrinth of power.....

  3. #3
    Soule
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    Last edited by Soule; March 7th, 2017 at 12:38 PM

  4. #4
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    hmmm topic.... ill give you three and just let mek now which one you decide to use when you post your verse..... and up to 30 lines yeah sounds good to me.....

    ideas/topics:

    1. I think its important to get things done as quickly as possibe... please try to write a verse of some quality.. instead of just doing shit for the heck of it....

    2, A gram of coke costs 80 dollars but what if the price went up/down what.. would happen?

    3. If jordan left the bulls would everyone still remeber who jordan was that supported the bulls? what would happen if jordan was int he league? and now while he isnt apart of the league...
    a labyrinth of power.....

  5. #5
    Soule
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    I'll do Topic one, can't relate to the other two.

  6. #6
    Soule
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    okay i think ill go with number one if thats okay....... sit jordan on the sidelines...... yeah number one for me.......

    Ohh whoops u went with the first one... i'll do the second one instead... my fault...

    You can use the same topic, it's up to you. I don't care like most people as long as we both show up and kill it.

    Yeah ill be there,... 30 lines yeah also two link rule please... let keep rb alive..

    This is due by midnight tonight so make sure to show, i'll write soon.

    okay i seen this sorry i was sleeping on the boards before...... ill start writing now if thats okay with you..... 30 lines yeah??

    right no checkins or nothing??
    like some poker players yall stay bluffing
    so if it aint broken no reason to get it fixed
    you wonder why they cant read text letter is print
    and the battle closes in 48 hours?? right
    but im giving you some wings you still aint fly
    and you already talking shit before the fight
    you think you ill and you know your archives
    had to smoke you but i aint playing no pipes
    i want you to allow until thusrday or friday
    keep it real quiet like this was a library
    for peeps to vote and the winner
    somehow the meaning i had trouble trying to picture
    decided to float a boat down the river
    but you already forgot about all the scriptures
    i aint know when to stop im like a good friend
    will be decided either when the votes end
    but i aint think you can contain the depth
    its like someone heard from someone else
    get it its all about money for the family
    therefore the battle can be closed properly.......
    im like a lease except it aint the statue of liberty
    so again no checkins and blind drops
    please keep the forum real watch for cliffs and shit like a lighthouse


    or how you want to play it...



    in other words
    like the holy grail yo i gotta a forum to search
    if you get it but like a god im spitting at this church
    you aint ill but you forgot how to connect with a verse
    or technical knockout..
    because ya so whack if you had a ball it wouldnt bounce

    gimme two seconds mod delete this im going to edit it a bit more if thats cool.... i can make this better... please delete it mods and i will edit due tomorrow yeah.... so some time tonight.....

    No. I'm about halfway done. You've had 48 hours. You have until I drop my piece to edit yours but I'm not giving an extension. Sorry bud.
    Last edited by Soule; March 12th, 2017 at 11:09 AM

  7. #7
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    Topic Number 3: If Jordan left the bulls what would happen?



    "right so no checkins or nothing??
    i mean this the kid right this the we using....



    see i know this kid who was constantly losing
    but like some deep shit yo this kid wasnt bluffing
    cause he was living off a credit that was still fixed
    its why i cant produce the picture im trying to print
    and now theres only 48 hours left?? right
    before this kid got picked up for some college that was nice
    but he was still only nineteen
    and awaiting his entrance into he league
    one drop and he was off on a flight
    and already signed and in the championship fight
    you think you ill and you know your archives
    i mean you got start smoking before you can hit some pipes
    all of this happening overnight
    he was fresh for the picking like something ripe
    and then got drafted for the bulls on thusrday or friday
    before he joined the team and silenced the competition quitely
    and its hard to keep it real when your fighting ya friends for popularity
    the outcome depends on him spending his loot for the work he put into society
    anyways he won the game and then was crowned the champ
    he then entered the nba and started to pay off all his grants
    somehow the meaning i had trouble trying to picture
    all of a sudden i had tons of money like a boat floating down a river
    but his name had already started to spread throughout all the leagues scriptures
    so after years of playing in college with no checks
    i finally had some loose ends and a family to protect
    but i aint think you can contain the depth
    to anybody else i mean this guy was all by himself
    for years trying to make money for his family
    therefore the way he had to handle himself properly.......
    by turning 22 or whatever and now having control of all his liberties



    ...

    - - - Updated - - -

    nah no ext. i just wanted to edit i pushed yes too fast..... look im still putting it up before you thats the rules edit til your other dude drops so get it in tonight please...
    a labyrinth of power.....

  8. #8
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    She collected seashells by the seashore, wishing each was a dream orb,
    post apocalyptic means more when you're the last of a species courtesy of war.
    Burying your family leaves a calamity deep inside the motion of your core,
    and so she escapes through the embrace of polluted oceans and storms.
    She hasn't seen the sun in over a decade and the stars died this past Winter,
    she shivers alone at night and quivers when she cries 'cus she can't remember.
    Was it November or December? When was her birthday? The date's just a blur,
    trying to piece together the face of her mother... but the rain floods the dirt.
    She used to speak German, but struggles grow worse as her words are hollow,
    the roaches hiss her surmans, sitting in church without a verse to borrow.
    She lives on radiated vegetables and animals filled with decay,
    that's what remains -- death and pain -- fields distilled by dismay.
    It's strange, through all the change, she's never once been afraid,
    never felt strain... never felt like any chains held her in place.
    Until one day, she gazed into the sky and was overwhelmed with surprise,
    at first, there was a light followed by the embodiment of life.
    Ships, the size of cities tearing through the black clouds,
    she can't help but lash out, throwing rocks and glass now.
    All this time, she's been alone, it's been hardening her soul,
    now she has to share her burden with an army of unknowns.
    Suddenly, a miracle appears and with two words, she speaks,
    "FUCK YOU!!!" at the top of her lungs, she continues to scream.

  9. #9
    La Costa Nostra Late Bloom's Avatar
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    a labyrinth of power.....

  10. #10
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer

    Quote Originally Posted by late bloomer View Post
    see i know this kid who was constantly losing
    but like some deep shit yo this kid wasnt bluffing
    cause he was living off a credit that was still fixed
    its why i cant produce the picture im trying to print
    You are wasting a line telling people you can't paint the picture they literally came here to read.
    and now theres only 48 hours left?? right
    before this kid got picked up for some college that was nice
    but he was still only nineteen
    and awaiting his entrance into he league
    You've said nothing in these four lines relevant to the story.
    one drop and he was off on a flight
    and already signed and in the championship fight
    you think you ill and you know your archives
    i mean you got start smoking before you can hit some pipes
    No, he was actually drafted in the summer and, believe it or not, had to wait for the season to start in the fall.
    all of this happening overnight
    he was fresh for the picking like something ripe
    and then got drafted for the bulls on thusrday or friday
    before he joined the team and silenced the competition quitely
    Hey dumbass, the 1984 draft was on a Tuesday night. Usually the NBA draft is during the week.
    and its hard to keep it real when your fighting ya friends for popularity
    the outcome depends on him spending his loot for the work he put into society
    anyways he won the game and then was crowned the champ
    he then entered the nba and started to pay off all his grants
    ????? He went to college on scholarship. Plus, grants aren't student loans. It's money given to students/teachers by fundraising arms.
    somehow the meaning i had trouble trying to picture
    all of a sudden i had tons of money like a boat floating down a river
    but his name had already started to spread throughout all the leagues scriptures
    so after years of playing in college with no checks
    i finally had some loose ends and a family to protect
    How does a boat floating down a river equate to someone having a ton of money?
    but i aint think you can contain the depth
    to anybody else i mean this guy was all by himself
    for years trying to make money for his family
    therefore the way he had to handle himself properly.......
    by turning 22 or whatever and now having control of all his liberties
    He was 21 his rookie year, dumbass. Take five seconds to Google this shit. What an awful verse.
    Quote Originally Posted by Behemoth View Post
    She collected seashells by the seashore, wishing each was a dream orb,
    post apocalyptic means more when you're the last of a species courtesy of war.
    Burying your family leaves a calamity deep inside the motion of your core,
    and so she escapes through the embrace of polluted oceans and storms.
    Like I've been telling you. You don't use sayings and phrases that are everyday speech and it ruins your verse. Just mention that this lady is the last person alive after an apocalyptic war and don't four lines forcing rhymes into them to tell us that fact. You're wasting reader's time.
    She hasn't seen the sun in over a decade and the stars died this past Winter,
    she shivers alone at night and quivers when she cries 'cus she can't remember.
    Was it November or December? When was her birthday? The date's just a blur,
    trying to piece together the face of her mother... but the rain floods the dirt.
    Everything was going well here until you said rain floods the dirt. Sticks out like an eyesore. The brain damage lines were great and actually painted a picture of the traumatic events she lived through. Then you randomly say there's a flood. Who cares, man?
    She used to speak German, but struggles grow worse as her words are hollow,
    the roaches hiss her surmans, sitting in church without a verse to borrow.
    She lives on radiated vegetables and animals filled with decay,
    that's what remains -- death and pain -- fields distilled by dismay.
    The word you're probably looking for here is "instilled." "Distilled by dismay" means you liquified/vaporized the dismay which sounds retarded as shit.
    It's strange, through all the change, she's never once been afraid,
    never felt strain... never felt like any chains held her in place.
    Until one day, she gazed into the sky and was overwhelmed with surprise,
    at first, there was a light followed by the embodiment of life.
    Dude, you literally just fucking said she's held down by memory loss, a lack of food source and no sunlight. Now you said "never felt like any chains held her in place." All those things you mentioned before literally tell the reader she's battling them to get out of this shitty situation.
    Ships, the size of cities tearing through the black clouds,
    she can't help but lash out, throwing rocks and glass now.
    All this time, she's been alone, it's been hardening her soul,
    now she has to share her burden with an army of unknowns.
    This is such bullshit dude. You said "she shivers alone at night" earlier, meaning she needs someone or something to comfort her with warmth, and then you turn around and tell us she fucking hates the fact that a bunch of new people just arrived in the sky on a ship. What the fuck? Make up your mind.
    Suddenly, a miracle appears and with two words, she speaks,
    "FUCK YOU!!!" at the top of her lungs, she continues to scream.
    I just can't with this verse.
    VOTE – Behemoth

    He told a story that has a beginning, middle and end, albeit an awful one that has plot flaws. Late bloomer just ranted on and on and on with like five made up facts about Michael Jordan that a simple Google search would have yielded the correct answers and dates.

    Behemoth... you got to strip down the bullshit from your verses and just write forward.

  11. #11

    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Ready For Votes)

    Late.. I really was not a fan of how you started this piece. It didn't capture the reader it felt very very bland. I thought the topic could have been interesting but I gotta be honest I just was not feeling this at all.

    Behemoth.. lol using a legendary tongue twister in your opening line. You had real nice technical/complex lines however the wording you used was very descriptive. Nice job there as it added to your verse. Story progressed nicely but I did have a feeling of wanting more at the end.

    Vote-Behemoth

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  12. #12
    Soule
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Ready For Votes)

    2-0

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Law's Avatar
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Ready For Votes)

    Late Bloomer - Terrible approach on the concept. Wording was all over the place and that did not make for a smooth read at all. There were several times your story progressed way too fast as well. One line he's in college and the next he's in the league championship. Way too many questions there. No emotion about how he got there, no imagery of it. Really you butchered Jordans story and failed to even write towards any relevancy about the topic of what would have happen if Jordan left the bulls. The word usage was horrendous. One example is referring to a basketball championship as a championship fight. All in all, I can't stress how much you need to take a break from battling and work on pretty much everything. Your craft, Your voting, Your attitude.

    Behemoth - The opening of this drew me into the story. You had great descriptive detail and imagery throughout your piece (Seashells compared to dream orbs, roaches hiss, ships the size of cities). The whole verse was filled with great word usage and imagery and can go on and on writing them. As for the flow and readability it was a bit wordy in the first have and sometimes it through the rhythm off, but it got smoother in the second half of the verse. SUDDENLY.. All of a SUDDEN, I hate those transitions. On to the story, it progressed well and was pretty interesting. Feeling the characters emotions and being able to paint the picture of her misery throughout the story was the best part for me. Because of the length of the verse, I felt there was some depth to it missing but overall this was an enjoyable read.

    MVGT: Behemoth - Better all around verse.

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  14. #14
    Soule
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    Re: Behemoth vs. Late Bloomer (Ready For Votes)

    3-0

    Behemoth wins.

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