YD - Living with OCD

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Thread: YD - Living with OCD

  1. #1
    Join Date
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    YD - Living with OCD

    I use to count every stair when I walked up the steps
    Only to go back down halfway till the middle of each foot sat on the edges evenly 16 times.
    I would switch the foot I felt like I was leading with when I walked,
    To make sure I didn't take too many steps between the concrete sidewalk squares on either foot.
    When I ran I would sometimes trip and fall,
    Because I felt like was using one leg more than the other and tried to even the strides mid Sprint.
    But she made me slow down.
    She made me forget to count.
    Sometimes I had to double back and count again;
    But some times, on the best days,
    I didn't need to count at all.
    I scrunched my toes between the shadows on the street when the sun was setting,
    Because I felt like I belonged evenly in the sunlight and the darkness.
    I would hum to myself
    I would hum to myself
    I would hum out loud to myself
    Till I felt like I hit all of the cadences equally.
    I would pause and start over counting because nothing should go more than 6 seconds without a break.
    But you broke me.
    I went 3 years without a break.
    5 years of being a father and 3 being a husband that never counted unless it was teaching my kids how to count to 10.
    They didn't learn to pause after 6
    Or how to hum to themselves
    Hum to themselves
    Hum quietly or loudly to themselves while they counted or walked down the stairs.
    But I needed a break.
    I needed a break from not needing breaks.
    Because you broke me of my 6 second breaks to make sure life wasn't moving too fast.
    But it did.
    Life passed so quickly I forgot to count or scrunch my toes because I didn't like the shadows as much as the sun
    And when I sang to my daughter I always had the right cadence when I sang the itsy bitsy spider.
    But then she left me.
    And I'm left counting the minutes in 6 second intervals till i'll sing to my daughter again.
    I'm counting the steps to my car as I walked away from the place we lived together for the last time.
    I sleep with my toes scrunched because I'm afraid the sun will remind me of the days I forgot to care about time.
    I hum to myself hum to myself
    The itsy bitsy spider song because I can't get it or the cadence out of my head.
    I've been broken my whole life,
    But for 5 years as a father and 3 years as a husband I forgot that I was broken
    And it felt good.
    You made me realize that I'm fixable,
    I'm not a lost cause
    I just can't stop thinking or counting or humming because every 6 seconds is 6 seconds I'm spending being broken for 6 more seconds at a time.
    And 6 seconds from now I will have scrunched my toes and hummed to myself getting ready to do it again in another 6 seconds.
    So forgive me for counting every memory every song every picture every morning every dinner and breakfast and lunch and weekend and weekday because,
    I went to remember every single second I ever spent not counting them all.
    Time is man-made, I control it.
    I control every 6 seconds of my life
    If I just keep counting down the time till I can forget to count,
    and can forget to let go of the control that I have,
    so I can get control of the time that I never had.
    You fixed me,
    For 438,000 6 second intervals...
    Just to let me break again.
    So I will never stop counting.
    Because the last time I gave up my 6 second hold on life...
    It went spiraling out of control,
    And counting the number of times I saw it coming
    Didn't do a damn thing to stop it.

  2. #2
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Re: YD - Living with OCD

    No for me. Too long and rambling. Anything of this length needs a format, stanzas at least, or it just becomes that most disinteresting of things; a wall of text.

    The concept is interesting, the execution is here and there, but the lack of format completely kills it for me.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
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    Re: YD - Living with OCD

    I agree with Soul re structure.
    Re rambling not so much. I like the obvious rambles.
    The rambling mindset follows suit with the structure it seems.
    For hof? Artistically it didn't pay off enough for me.


    Last edited by Emily; March 6th, 2017 at 08:43 AM

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  4. #4
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: YD - Living with OCD

    I say no due to it not being so much as rambling but feeling it being directionless.....A little more focus and it's a yes for me...

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