10 lines
Due by Thursday (if you need to extend then let me know)
I'll check in when I post my vote links.
Good luck!
Out.
DzasteR
Late Bloomer
10 lines
Due by Thursday (if you need to extend then let me know)
I'll check in when I post my vote links.
Good luck!
Out.
Checking in eill have sumn by tomorrow...
- - - Updated - - -
Will**
a labyrinth of power.....
Might take extension but i dont know if your worth it
Yeah i read your stuff over but ya lines all surface ill have to light up a furnace
I will see how i feel about it set up a deck with a couple folding chairs
so they think im ill prepared but keep dizaster gasping like some nike airs
Ill definitely battle you but is the shit your writing worth reading cuase it should be
When you like me you aing take no losses you stsnd across ill put one in ya homie
You aint finny like someone with cancer dog you better rewrite ya chapters
like klass i spit with no weapon but leave sessions like natural didasters
No more ingrate noone but me no more safe than we are free
Blow by and roll up with the 5 top punches in the frontlines leagues
Simple maybe??
10. Homie will havd links soon as you drop
a labyrinth of power.....
Check.
Gonna drop something right now. And will have links later.
G'L
.
.
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I go hard on the board & my shots is brutal – I’m someone you’ll have to fear
Taking shots at me? D’ll stop LB J……..you’ll think I’m against the Cavaliers.
I know you only see me as a noob. I’m hot, you’ll see - I’m out to prove it
So first - I’ll snatch LI’s.……...like the Pats did when the Falcons blew it
See everybody will remember Dzaster as a hard hitter... see I'm a wreckin force
And the last time Late Bloomer was ever mentioned was in a sex ed course
I treat everyone fairly - I exercise my rights - and lefts to show 'em all fear
So for now, you can just kiss D'z ass.............ta remember who's boss here
I got punches for days - I don't do light jabs see these hands so rigid on dudes
And you'll witness some heavy crosses............like I forced religion on you
10.
Might take extension but i dont know if your worth it
Yeah i read your stuff over but ya lines all surface ill have to light up a furnace
no
I will see how i feel about it set up a deck with a couple folding chairs
so they think im ill prepared but keep dizaster gasping like some nike airs
no
Ill definitely battle you but is the shit your writing worth reading cuase it should be
When you like me you aing take no losses you stsnd across ill put one in ya homie
no no no no
You aint finny like someone with cancer dog you better rewrite ya chapters
like klass i spit with no weapon but leave sessions like natural didasters
no again
No more ingrate noone but me no more safe than we are free
Blow by and roll up with the 5 top punches in the frontlines leagues
no
I'd give you better feedback and some hints on how to get better but the last time I did that you ignored everything I said and you're still dropping the same shit. No punches, just statements. With wording that makes shit barely make sense. With a lack of multies so it's hard to even read because it's boring. Start listening or quit battling dude because you're not gonna get better if you don't take the advice given to you.
vs.
I go hard on the board & my shots is brutal – I’m someone you’ll have to fear
Taking shots at me? D’ll stop LB J……..you’ll think I’m against the Cavaliers.
Okay concept, wording could've been better
I know you only see me as a noob. I’m hot, you’ll see - I’m out to prove it
So first - I’ll snatch LI’s.……...like the Pats did when the Falcons blew it
Cool
See everybody will remember Dzaster as a hard hitter... see I'm a wreckin force
And the last time Late Bloomer was ever mentioned was in a sex ed course
Eh, concept could've been stronger
I treat everyone fairly - I exercise my rights - and lefts to show 'em all fear
So for now, you can just kiss D'z ass.............ta remember who's boss here
See what you did there but there wording was meh
I got punches for days - I don't do light jabs see these hands so rigid on dudes
And you'll witness some heavy crosses............like I forced religion on you
Okay
You had some promising concepts, just feel like you need to work on your wording. Maybe go through some battles in the LLL Hall of Fame and study up a bit. Some guys to check out are J. Hens, Born To Kill, Spitacular and Token.
Vote D for the better overall verse.
2 links each and i will open this for votes.
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Might take extension but i dont know if your worth it
Yeah i read your stuff over but ya lines all surface ill have to light up a furnace
your getting the idea wit the aggression but your still not sayin much conceptually
I will see how i feel about it set up a deck with a couple folding chairs
so they think im ill prepared but keep dizaster gasping like some nike airs
ehh, im not feelin this
Ill definitely battle you but is the shit your writing worth reading cuase it should be
When you like me you aing take no losses you stsnd across ill put one in ya homie
should be and homie don't really rhyme but i guess you can make it, either way, thas the least of ya problems here
You aint finny like someone with cancer dog you better rewrite ya chapters
like klass i spit with no weapon but leave sessions like natural didasters
ok self hype i guess, still not much impact
No more ingrate noone but me no more safe than we are free
Blow by and roll up with the 5 top punches in the frontlines leagues
no good
vs
I go hard on the board & my shots is brutal – I’m someone you’ll have to fear
Taking shots at me? D’ll stop LB J……..you’ll think I’m against the Cavaliers.
i see what you did, decent wordplay, not that great of a punch tho cuz it doesn't diss ya opponent
I know you only see me as a noob. I’m hot, you’ll see - I’m out to prove it
So first - I’ll snatch LI’s.……...like the Pats did when the Falcons blew it
sad to say, this concept is played already but it was a decent put together punch
See everybody will remember Dzaster as a hard hitter... see I'm a wreckin force
And the last time Late Bloomer was ever mentioned was in a sex ed course
wack, you gotta know this is played
I treat everyone fairly - I exercise my rights - and lefts to show 'em all fear
So for now, you can just kiss D'z ass.............ta remember who's boss here
i see what your sayin, kissin the bosses ass and shit, this is cool, jus poorly worded
I got punches for days - I don't do light jabs see these hands so rigid on dudes
And you'll witness some heavy crosses............like I forced religion on you
ehhh, decent closer
Overall: Another new member showing a lot of potential. Dzaster can actually form a solid punch, he just has to work on not coming so played, and if he does come played, learning how to word his punches creatively so people still feel like they are reading something new. Late bloomer is jus late bloomer, and as I like to see, he keeps battling regardless of what people say and he will continue to get better aswell.
v/ DzasteR
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dont know mate i know votes are going your way but you had an extra eight hours to write it........ dont know.... fair??
a labyrinth of power.....
Where you from? It's Wednesday afternoon where I am. I go to school at night and work during the day so I just set it for about 2 days out so we both would have time to drop.Originally Posted by late bloomer
late bloomer
Might take extension but i dont know if your worth it
Yeah i read your stuff over but ya lines all surface ill have to light up a furnace
nothing really there punchwise, your failing to properly set up a direct concept towards your opponent then connect it with a creativity punch
I will see how i feel about it set up a deck with a couple folding chairs
so they think im ill prepared but keep dizaster gasping like some nike airs
Nope, not working
Ill definitely battle you but is the shit your writing worth reading cuase it should be
When you like me you aing take no losses you stsnd across ill put one in ya homie
Stretch on the rhyme, there really isn't any concept/punch directed at your opponent here
You aint finny like someone with cancer dog you better rewrite ya chapters
like klass i spit with no weapon but leave sessions like natural didasters
like someone with cancer/like klass/like natural disasters, you through in three simile's connected to nothing
No more ingrate noone but me no more safe than we are free
Blow by and roll up with the 5 top punches in the frontlines leagues
at least try to put some that readable together
__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
DzasteR
I go hard on the board & my shots is brutal – I’m someone you’ll have to fear
Taking shots at me? D’ll stop LB J……..you’ll think I’m against the Cavaliers.
Just alright, needed better execution on the punch, bar wasn't the smoothest either
I know you only see me as a noob. I’m hot, you’ll see - I’m out to prove it
So first - I’ll snatch LI’s.……...like the Pats did when the Falcons blew it
decent bar here
See everybody will remember Dzaster as a hard hitter... see I'm a wreckin force
And the last time Late Bloomer was ever mentioned was in a sex ed course
not really feeling this, even if worded better I don't think the concept had much potential
I treat everyone fairly - I exercise my rights - and lefts to show 'em all fear
So for now, you can just kiss D'z ass.............ta remember who's boss here
not hitting for me
I got punches for days - I don't do light jabs see these hands so rigid on dudes
And you'll witness some heavy crosses............like I forced religion on you
simple play, light bar
__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
MVGT: DzasteR - had an alright verse, definitely can see he can put together some good bars. Just got to get them heavy hitters in there. and Late Bloomer, your verse can be described by reading your opponents name.
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VOTE - DzasteR
He's on his way to coming up some good stuff. He just needs to massage his verses to get them sounding better on paper. Late bloomer just needs to stop wasting our time as voters and quit altogether. Or at least take the advice he's been given and actually use it.
I go hard on the board & my shots is brutal – I’m someone you’ll have to fear
Taking shots at me? D’ll stop LB J……..you’ll think I’m against the Cavaliers.
vs
nada
clear win for DZ in this match upi. better overall set ups and punches although they were played and basic for the most part. LB, just needs a lot of work. keep battling but start dissecting what it means to write a great line man. you've dropped the same verse in every battle. take pride in ya bars bruh.
v. DZ
@God of War
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