Trapper Nick diss

[RrrealityyY]

Not so much of a diss, let alone even some good barz
Yeah I know these lines suck but it's whatever since I just started writing
Well here ya go

Trapper nick says he stays lit
I say he try to swing and he'll miss
We all know he smells like piss
Come at me and I'll chop ya to bits
You ain't gotta put on a skit
I'll burn ya like a fire pit
Got dissed once, threw a fit
Told you to stop, now you won't quit
You're talkin all this shit
"You're retarded", you went and said it
it's my turn, I got trix
Yo and at least my shits legit

Look at this trapper nick
I'd say more like a small fuckin dick
Or a white boy who thinks he's slick
Your raps, they make me sick
Why you gotta act like a prick?
If you want, I can hit you with a brick
This'll be quick, you'll be burnt like a fish stick

Why you dress like a thug?
Either way you're bout as small as a bug
When I'm done your grave will be dug
You say you're the plug?
When you get asked about drugs, you just always shrug
I'll sweep you under the rug

Is it because everything is a lie?
I know you like sit down and cry
You got no friends cause they all said goodbye
You want a challenge, well I replied
So did Josh and I'm surprised you survived
You came to Defiance and was quickly despised
You thought we were friends, I was just disguised
You bring Cancer to all of mankind
I ain't certified and already got you petrified
And I recognized that you're paralyzed

So tell me what you think, thanks

- - - Updated - - -

Oh and if you guys wanna hear his trapper trash here's his link
https://soundcloud.com/trapper-nick-128347914

[Joe Boston]

Is this some troll shit right here because i can picture this being an audio some basic elementary bars like some back in the day eminem. Im reading as the beat from i just dont gaf. Anyway its abc 123 no creativity as far as a diss,track. Tbh think ur trolling take the criticism and improve.

[RrrealityyY]

Is this some troll shit right here because i can picture this being an audio some basic elementary bars like some back in the day eminem. Im reading as the beat from i just dont gaf. Anyway its abc 123 no creativity as far as a diss,track. Tbh think ur trolling take the criticism and improve.

No this isn't me trolling, nor did I make an effort in writing this, it's just a test for right now. I wanted to see how it would look like to other people before I actually started writing. But thanks for your opinion, I'll definitely start trying to be more creative and improve.

[Soule]

Go leave feedback on two other Open Mic's and post the links in here.

[RrrealityyY]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...n-amp-Behemoth
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...23-The-Watcher

[Soule]

Alright then, lemme help you out real quick. If you wanna do diss shit, check out battles in the Frontlines and GBL. Or PM either Joe Boston or Notti, you can either read battles and study up or you can see if one of those two guys will give you lessons and tips. They're KTA and we are here to help the next generation. If you wanna do Open Mic type shit. Read some battles from the Hall of Fame, I'd recommend pretty much any piece from Brandon Cee, Engivale, or Chris Black. Those guys were some incredible writers, Engivale being my personal favorite. I can also give you advice or tips or whatever anytime you want them, as you can see, I'm an accomplished writer as well. As for your piece here. You need to lengthen your lines out so you can have more material. Make them longer (normally 16-18 syllables a line, but I wouldn't actually count them as you write because that's too much distress, as you read the line you can usually tell if it's right or not). This way you can use the first line as a setup and the second line as the delivery. To improve your rhyme scheme, you need multies. Which also works better if your lines are longer. Instead of "I'll burn him like a fire pit" you can do "I'll burn em like a fire pit, on some Trojan empire shit." see the multi? fire pit/empire shit. It creates more impact per line. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot by rhyming just to rhyme because that normally takes away from the concept. If you're gonna diss people, @Notti and JB can help you more there. If you're gonna write Open Mics, I'll wait until you drop one before I get into imagery and shit. Stick around, learn and bit and get better. Don't stop.

[SELF ACTIVATE]

This wasn't too bad. If nothing else it shows you have the ability to write in a clean and organized fashion. I just think you're not too familiar with the upper echelons of battle rapping. Thus, you're just rapping the only way you know how. From what I gather you have the personals/disses down, but lack the depth of complete concepts and intricate wordplay that's needed to really bring your verses to life. You definitely need to inject some witty references and metaphors into this joint as well. Most of what I'm telling you is impossible to ever truly explain, but if you hang around long enough and peep some of the top tier cats battle you'll soon know exactly what I mean. In any case, you already have the basics down and a solid foundation to build on. So I see you elevating to the next level in no time.

OAN

Check my piece stickied at the top of the forum to get a better idea about schemes and concepts and also so I because it's cool asf. Lol.

Keep scribing, bro. In a few weeks time you'll be ripping holes through Trapper Nick, Josh, and everyone in between. Peace..

[RrrealityyY]

Thanks for the feedback guys, it'll definitely help me to make my raps better