Originally Posted by
GrimmThatch
Reminds me of if Token grew up in the hood, or was off trappin or someshit! I love it, Flow was excellent, fairly catchy too.
I would inquire how long it took you to write this?
I enjoy the short bars, and even with the short bars you have weight to your lines, your setups are short sweet and simple, but get you where you need to be mentally, for the punch to hit right. For example
Reasonable bar, firstly, it SOUNDS good, and it carrys a little weight, it does display a little wit and its a nice demonstration of your style and mental capability.
Id rate 3.75/5, I would love to HEAR it instead of read it, because honestly, i just hear tokens 16year old squeaky white kid voice rappin these lyrics, which isn't bad, but I want to hear YOUR flow, YOUR delivery. That's the point anyways right?? I like the flow, the lyrics are above average, however there is SOMETHING about the piece, idk if its the style, the lyrics, the flow, i have no clue, but somewhere it just leans a little towards cliche, you need just a little pizzaz of authenticity, you need to step a little further out of the box, and really bring the unique, make this song YOURS. You have the foundation and elementary skills down, now you need to just personalize it, when I read it I shouldn't be giving feedback like "Sounds like Token if he was tweaking!" I should say shit like "Wow, I haven't heard something quite like this, this is different. " Even if I find it similar to other artists, you gotta make that shit YOUR OWN, you did write it after all. Every different artist that exercises that authentic aspect, stands out, or stands alone. There's a certain vibe or essence the listener will experience, that connects them to the music and the artist, knowing this, you need to get your demographics attention. People replay artists(Rappers I primarily mean this for rap but..) songs generally for 2 reasons. 1:Catchy jingles, which doesn't take talent. 2: They connect personally to a piece of the artist, or part of the artwork. A certain lyric, or tone of voice, delivery, or emotion makes them feel something. It can even just be your energy, your vibe, the way you hold yourself. Its the ideas like "I'm not the only one who thinks this, or feels this way, or has been through that very same event." OR "I DESIRE to feel that or experience that, this artist desires that as well, OR this artist thinks like this, i want to think that too and be more similar to him."
All in all, quality work, always room for progress, nonetheless, I enjoyed your lines, I insist on digging deep and really either reflecting yourself through the music to really TALK to people, in other words Add some of yourself to the style OR altogether take the style, perfect it, work at it until YOU own it. Make the style a part of YOU. Can't wait for more work, I encourage doing some audio recording too btw, again, you may deliver the lines completely unique, and i just can't tell because im reading it. Idk until I hear you spit even just a few bars.