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Thread: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

  1. #1

    AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    I'm sure some of you knew him. Not sure if he was on this board or not, but ya. It's long but it's heartfelt, real, and i put my all into it. Hope it makes you feel something. The original topic was 'after earth'.

    +

    Woke up feeling faceless, face up...
    ...he was still wearing her make up.

    She was still scared from the break up, but engaged him as he surfaced death.
    Teenage angst, adverse effects....she said, "You have the worstest breath!"
    "Dead.", he laughed. His thirst was next. This cycle happened daily...
    Jonny drank to free his mind, and they'd break up when he'd get crazy.

    She'd go to work, he'd start to remember:
    The center of life was affording the pleasure.
    He tried to stay positive but folded to pressure..
    He'd enter the strife...which, one day, was a letter:

    "The shade of your eyes....and a love just as tender..
    The splendor of time means today is a treasure.
    Go on with confidence. Without me, you're better."



    Into the breezy night, he closed his eyes. At last......exhaled.
    What was this lasting hell? If casting spells, his magic failed.
    'A ghastly, tragic tale.', he thought to self, and blamed the smack.
    'I help others, but I can't help myself. How lame is that?'

    Blaming 'hurt' but exchanging dearth. The pain's a jerk.
    Smacked his head, he felt change was worse, his brain berserk.
    A new aim in life? To play the clerk and receive the bawling..
    End is calling. "But I never fall!!!",....he screamed, falling.

    With a heart that we should document and art that chose to show us peace,
    He posted his final piece, 'Pathetic', then drove out of the scene.
    I know that he didn't mean to---.........I'll let him flow, it's supposed to be...:
    "A part of me was poetry. Poetic prose imposed on me."

    Poetic? No, it hurts to see. Death is living with the consequence.
    How many awful kids were spitting, driven to rob you of your opulence?

    He looked out, it was the milky way. He sat upon it....daunted.
    The place was haunted, a silky stain, he dashed and laughed at comets.

    R.I.P.

    His unbroken promise: he would remain in passing lives he'd met.
    After earth there was everlasting breath. How fair, the air was wet.

    "Well, I guess there's a million things that I could cry about inside...
    But I won't cry for fear of stardust creeping, leaking out my eyes.
    "
    Wax-poetic tithes. He's speaking to our grieving side,
    In sheets of rhyme. He was bleak but, 'to each their own'...right? (a lonely lie).

    After earth? Im still wondering what came before it..
    ..Wondering how this blundering came. Was Jonny the informant?
    The thundering then kissed the rain and took my friend from me..
    My apologies, "our friend". You see, it hasn't been easy..

    Jonny's death was worthless if, after earth, there isn't peace.
    Let's hope there is. I'll always preach of Jonny, one of our elites.

    --


  2. #2
    Stranger
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    hey buddy, I think I already gave you feedback on this on the other site, but this was a dope read and brought back some memories, and some sad ones to, anyone this was pretty coo right here and a good way to send him off, If this is flamed here I will fuck these faggots up, nah lol

    fav lines

    She'd go to work, he'd start to remember:
    The center of life was affording the pleasure.
    He tried to stay positive but folded to pressure..
    He'd enter the strife...which, one day, was a letter:

    that was pretty dope, if you knew him, you would understand it more.


    Into the breezy night, he closed his eyes. At last......exhaled.
    What was this lasting hell? If casting spells, his magic failed.
    'A ghastly, tragic tale.', he thought to self, and blamed the smack.
    'I help others, but I can't help myself. How lame is that?'

    cool here as well, this is pretty fucking emotional

    With a heart that we should document and art that chose to show us peace,
    He posted his final piece, 'Pathetic', then drove out of the scene.
    I know that he didn't mean to---.........I'll let him flow, it's supposed to be...:
    "A part of me was poetry. Poetic prose imposed on me."

    another pretty cool take on this depressing time .

    "Well, I guess there's a million things that I could cry about inside...
    But I won't cry for fear of stardust creeping, leaking out my eyes."
    Wax-poetic tithes. He's speaking to our grieving side,
    In sheets of rhyme. He was bleak but, 'to each their own'...right? (a lonely lie).

    cool here, this was fucking deep as shit.

    After earth? Im still wondering what came before it..
    ..Wondering how this blundering came. Was Jonny the informant?
    The thundering then kissed the rain and took my friend from me..
    My apologies, "our friend". You see, it hasn't been easy..

    Jonny's death was worthless if, after earth, there isn't peace.
    Let's hope there is. I'll always preach of Jonny, one of our elites

    cool way to end it here brother, this piece was about a friend/enemy we lost, I guess you would have to know him to understand how emotional this piece and others like it was, I meean the dude literally wrote a piece about his death before it happened, and it would send chills up your spine if you read it.

    cool drop, welcome here and get yo links bastard.

  3. #3
    Coal to the furnace Cody Phoenix's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    I still think you only wrote this to feel included in something. Johnny roasted you 24:7 and you two literally had no interaction other than him roasting you. Nice rhymes, can't find the sentiment in it tho. Seems like a plea to be noticed.
    I'm a depressed happy cunt. Don't fuck with me. I love you, but I'm crazy.[/I]


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  4. #4

    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    thanks for the feed cody, glad to know that no amount of passing days can afford you growth. Not going to get into anything with you. Didn't know you were on this site. Bummer. I'm here to write, feed and receive feed. Please respect that. For the record, Jonny didn't roast me. We were great friends and i'm still close with his mother. I'm not sure where you got all that, but I accept you remember things differently. You were so fucking cruel to the person, and to try to instigate a debate and argument about someone who is no longer with us is pathetic. Stop. I'm sorry you're upset still. Sorry if I had anything to do with it. Peace be with you man.


    Cody, glad you like rhymes. You getting the sentiment is, luckily for me, not what i was aiming at.
    @Dia thanks man. It was a NS win so it got a lil bit of feed. I don't think anyone needs to know jonny at all. I didn't even need to add the bit about him tbh. I just really just like the final product all around. Figured it was a good first piece to post here.

    Enough of this bs though, i genuinely just wanted this to be looked at like any other piece here. Anytime cody says the word "literally" it instantly loses all meaning. MF weed got the best of me and got me replying to a troll.

    links:
    1
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    3

  5. #5
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    Ohhh shit look who's here! If it ain't the specter gawd. Welcome, bro! Very nice lyrical tribute to the late great. I'm actually at work and will certainly give a proper feed later tonite.

  6. #6
    Super Grand Heru SELF ACTIVATE's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    Sup Wes? Glad you found your way here. I think any board you post your work on is instantly elevated to the next level. You have a very distinct way with words and I appreciate that about your writing. I won't waste time speaking to the "sentimental" value of this piece; as I am not all that familiar with your friend that recently past (btw, condolences). Although, I am aware of his impact -- especially on RR.

    In any case, what stood out to me in terms of this drop in particular is your control. This piece reads very structured to me. Not in the sense that it was rigid or lacked any sort of fluidity (because it definitely did not) but, more so as it applies to your brilliant command of rhythm. Each line flowed effortlessly into the next. All of your end rhymes hit exactly as I was hoping they would as I read silently along to your lyrics in my head. It was a very good showing of rhyme scheme construction with good cadence and diction to boot. Another thing I also dig about your writing, and I'd like to think is similar to my own approach, is that every line gives you something worth reading or to sink your teeth in, chew, and then digest. Food for thought, so to speak. Be it imagery, a metaphor, poetic prose, lyrical dexterity in terms of technique, or just a clever turn of phrase. I call it interactive writing. It's the kind that forces and/or encourages the reader to do more than just read text, but instead, attempt to decipher or absorb the content. I think you're really good at luring your audience into the story being told.

    But yeah...

    Dope stuff my dude. I dug it. Peace...

  7. #7
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    Extremely haunting...in the best sense of the word. The scene where he's mused by the comets was sketched with such ethereal strokes. Perfectly painted and what a way to elevate him to another status. Well thought out. This piece, despite lots of poetic devices and languages was a bit more grounded than ur other pieces. I'm used to the very layered approach but I felt this piece was an ode to a friend and as is, it had the perfectly blend of "prose" and poetry. Again welcome to the site, bro,and always a pleasure to read ur work.

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  8. #8
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    Whats up wes! This was an interesting piece here and a pretty emotional story being told, few wording issues that didnt come off natural like "worstest breath" but you had some other interesting wording points like wax poetic tithes. The flow read well though and there were some internals going that kept for a easy progression. There was a strong connection to the persons personal problems before what seems to be there demise which is unfortunate to hear, it didnt get too graphic about what happened, RIP though i cant say i know who they were but if you were cool with them this is a good look if they did die. Thanks for the read!
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  9. #9
    AJ The Menace Echelon's Avatar
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    Re: AFTER EARTH: Ascension (a JonnyWRAITH/OnlyOne tribute)

    Hello, Wes Ghost..good read here..a nice piece dedicated to Johnnywraith..nice work..man..let's get into this..

    Overall - A very good piece, here. Good poetic tithe piece, with a lot to offer in terms of writing; - next syntax and poetic stance you have here. Nice use of allegory, and good use of tribute metaphor here. This was good all around. Solid. The end could be Johnnywraith talking as-well, as if you had carried the same thoughts in a way. But this was good...man..really nice tribute..good work..keep writing...

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