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Thread: A God of Israel.

  1. #1
    AJ The Menace Echelon's Avatar
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    A God of Israel.

    Blackstar dynasty, king of the magnificent heaven's
    I'm the ministry's reverend, performing miracles - Christianity's legend
    A majestic man, known in the heart of Israel
    Carrying out tasks throughout the land with my spirit, fulfilling souls
    I'm pious in statement, fire to the moon - with a righteous embracement
    Anything is possible with my presence, a pacifistic tyrant in nations
    I make silent persuasions, and the light banishes plight
    I turn the world upside down, and bring candor to shine.
    I breathe peace, blessing everyone with serenity
    The world rotates, and my aura is as hot as the sun - with it's energy
    I navigate sheep to the pasture, as the shepherd and master
    I've seen slithering serpents decapitated, when we were met with the rapture
    War has shed it's tears throughout the years, and I've been in the terrain
    Maneuvering through demons, and blaspheming the sin as the brave
    Divinity triumphs, and I have the wisdom of Solomon as I stand enlightened
    I am God, and it appears nothing will conqueror this massive Titan.
    The North star beckons, I am the person of destiny
    The God of Israel is my dearest father, and the earth's perfect in remedy.
    I'm certain in melody, that wherever I go - brightness is harmonic
    I secure Gold like Midas as the honest, bringing light's bliss to the darkness.
    The wonders I create, are of happiness and joy
    I speak every language in poise, as a majesty's voice
    The day brings sunlight, and I harvested seeds
    The trees gleam with white colors, as I've conquered as king.
    Angels sing a melody of freedom, as the heaven's look to me
    My essence is serene, as I give blessings to the free.
    My powers are of divinity, and I use them for miracles
    I give sight to the blind, and wipe away the tears I choose.
    I will always be for hope, and a God of fate.
    I'll always be the Semi-God, as people have their faith.

  2. #2

  3. #3

    Re: A God of Israel.

    I really enjoyed this!
    I would rate it 3.5/5 in hip-hop, I would rate it 4/5 in poetry though! The subject is something fairly unique in the culture, but this is open mic not battle raps. Your word choice had a nice variety, you stayed on topic practically line for line, which is notable.

    The section
    ...The Earth's perfect in remedy, I'm certain in melody..
    is remarkable on its own, I just love these words, thank you for putting them together this way! xP I would say as something little to work on, grammatical technicalities. For the most part, everything seems spelled correctly, and punctuated well enough, however the choice of words in a few spots are either TECHNICALLY inappropriate, OR I just personally feel like a different word should be used. For example in this same section "The Earths perfect in remedy, I'm certain in melody"

    I would PERSONALLY have wrote something like "The Earths perfect remedy, I'm certain with melody."
    (Or if Earth's is supposed to be possessive, than" The Earth has perfected it's remedy" or even 'the remedy'.)

    Keep it coming, I see plenty of potential

  4. #4
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: A God of Israel.

    What up AJ! you really started this piece off dope, you carried some tough multis and flow, was especially surprised by the amount in "solomon as i stand enlightened/ conqueror a massive titan" good work! I really dig pieces like this that showcase different glimpses of religion and put that god perspective into play, I also appreciate the positive vibe i was picking up. you approached this with some poetic wording I liked the wipe away the tears i choose line. I would stay away from all the I/I'm references and try to keep it straighter poetic imagery for a sharper read that wont get stale. definitely looking forward to more, Thanks for the read!
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