Untitled

[143]

I can't move
Like frozen time has frozen time
Like the line for freedom is stretched around the block twice
It must be nice not to go through what I am submerged in...

I am swallowed in the hallow halls of uncertainty
Feeling the urgency blurring through hurrying thought
Bought a front row seat to the chaos that have me off kilter
Filtering the cleanliness of being at peace and dirtying the edges with strife
I am a capeless caper facing the long of the game
Knowing that an end has to come

So how do I deal
How do I rise above the mist and see the shadowy stillness

I guess I'm a guest in this purgatory
Stuck slurring clear thoughts and actions
Vaporizing strands of civility to the radon fingers

How do a claim peace
How do I not spite GOD for taking someone who meant so much
I hate being to that he will be in a better place that he wouldn't hurt again and the disease that plague the normal parameters are frayed and jaded to the point that I can't recognize the errors of its ways from the progression of being better

A concert of lies and half truths
Falsetto singing an aria pitching a shut out on bad intentions and outcomes
Conducting the removal of my sanity

I wish I could have my father back.....

[Sammy]

def deserves more feed.

nice to see u writing again, big homie.

I can't move
Like frozen time has frozen time
Like the line for freedom is stretched around the block twice
It must be nice not to go through what I am submerged in...

love and dislike that bold section. As a stand alone line....beautiful! NOt sure how it relates to the rest of the frozen/watered theme that held that stanza together.

I am swallowed in the hallow halls of uncertainty
Feeling the urgency blurring through hurrying thought
Bought a front row seat to the chaos that have me off kilter
Filtering the cleanliness of being at peace and dirtying the edges with strife
I am a capeless caper facing the long of the game
Knowing that an end has to come

awesome imagery here. nice dichotomy in the bold section. capeless caper bordered on superfluous (i just don't see the overall effect of 'capeless'). Otherwise, very solid stanza.

So how do I deal
How do I rise above the mist and see the shadowy stillness

more great imagery

I guess I'm a guest in this purgatory
Stuck slurring clear thoughts and actions
Vaporizing strands of civility to the radon fingers

i see that homophone lol. again the theme of movement, or lack thereof, was present.

How do a claim peace
How do I not spite GOD for taking someone who meant so much
I hate being to that he will be in a better place that he wouldn't hurt again and the disease that plague the normal parameters are frayed and jaded to the point that I can't recognize the errors of its ways from the progression of being better

i see you chose to drop the figurative language and went more literal. I think it was a good move as it gave the verse a much needed grounded and sincere tone. Now the bold section i could not figure out. "progression of being better" somehow felt redundant. Regardless, i think this was my fav stanza.

A concert of lies and half truths
Falsetto singing an aria pitching a shut out on bad intentions and outcomes
Conducting the removal of my sanity

this was a nice callback to the "front row" idea of the 2nd stanza. ur figurative game, once again, surfaced. I do feel this stanza could benefit from a couple punctuation. especially that 2nd line.

I wish I could have my father back.....

overall, this was a very personal piece. I love the overarching theme of movement. as usual, ur vocab game is enviable. the flow of metaphors and imagery is another staple of yours. really enjoyed this. thank you.

[mal diction]

exact seeeeelf... lupe just misunderstood... i have love only...

[Emily]

I can't move
Like frozen time has frozen time
Like the line for freedom is stretched around the block twice
It must be nice not to go through what I am submerged in...
I like this intro stanza. I especially like the realness and blunt nature of that first line.
It's as if I can see you...numb. I also like the freedom stretched line. I like the way you put that.

I am swallowed in the hallow halls of uncertainty
To hallow is to make holy or honor greatly. Hollow is primarily an adjective meaning
(1) having space inside, or (2) lacking weight or substance.
I find it cool how both words are alluring when used in this capacity.
Feeling the urgency blurring through hurrying thought
Yes, that's good imagery.
Bought a front row seat to the chaos that have me off kilter
Filtering the cleanliness of being at peace and dirtying the edges with strife
You speak the madness of chaos so well.
I am a capeless caper facing the long of the game
Knowing that an end has to come

So how do I deal
How do I rise above the mist and see the shadowy stillness
Great wording 143.

I guess I'm a guest in this purgatory
Stuck slurring clear thoughts and actions
Vaporizing strands of civility to the radon fingers
And again, wonderful wording emitting amazing images in my mind. Imagery that cuts to the core. That pulls at heart strings.

How do a claim peace
How do I not spite GOD for taking someone who meant so much
I hate being to that he will be in a better place that he wouldn't hurt again and the disease that plague the normal parameters are frayed and jaded to the point that I can't recognize the errors of its ways from the progression of being better
The reality seeps in more in this stanza. And its a bit of a slap in the face, the fact that we have to face this point in time at one point or another.

A concert of lies and half truths
Well put
Falsetto singing an aria pitching a shut out on bad intentions and outcomes
Conducting the removal of my sanity
I don't know. I feel like a bomb dropped on me. I feel the heaviness. The impact this man's life has, and the impact of what he's going though.
The weight of what it's doing not only to him but to all those who love him. The pain of passing.

I wish I could have my father back.....
Yeah. So do I.
Well done 143.


I think once more you were able to delve deep into your mind and heart and pull out words of wisdom.
Once more I connected with your all too real imagery.
Once more I felt sadness and love for someone I'll never know.
Once more, you wrote a piece that touched my heart.

Beautiful work 143.


Thank you.