"Dead Space"
Go ahead exhale
I really like this opening line, it immediately engages the reader. I would however put some form of pause between Go ahead and exhale So Go ahead... exhale. Or Go ahead, exhale. It feels to me like the line naturally wants to do that but grammatically you haven't made that evident.
Purge the pressure
Like the alliteration. Also I really like the word choice outside of that as it demonstrates the desperation and severity of the emotion, helping to build tension.
Let's wipe the slate
Cliched. Also I feel this line detracts and acts as an anti climatic force in the piece. Having resolution could be nice nearer the end, but as it stands, I'm just not fond of this part.
Take back ur bracelet of blemish
I love love love love this line if it means what I think it means, if not, I don't like it half as much, but still dig it. The way I read it was when you buy cheap zinc jewelry and it leaves that green staining and rash on your skin.
Here's ur ring of ridicule
Again, love the alliteration, it helps the poem dance across the page and again clearly and vividly brings forth the rollercoaster emotions of anger, embarrassment and a feeling of isolation.
Wedding dress of lavish lyricism
Not really sure about this line. Again, I like the way the words sound together but the inner mechanics of meaning are slightly alluding me here! Only the last phrase, but it threw me of quite a bit.
Addressing paper promises
Breathe out..
If you can re-word the line preceding this then I really like this. My favorite part however is the breathe out part as it perfectly captures that moment when you can feel yourself getting worked up again, even though you've managed to calm down a little before, and now you just have to give yourself that reminder to relax a little and try and think clearly. Love it! Very subtle and only two words, but those two words speak volumes.
It’s never really gone, u know?
I like how this is more of a question to the protagonists self as opposed to directed at their ex. I also have a taste for commas that exaggerate natural pauses, alike the suggested coma in the opening line.
Residual air lingers
That dancing disco lights,
Light? I'm assuming. Minor error. Again, the reflection period if being examined well here. You have really done a great job of capturing the fickle emotional changes of humans haha
As sun brims her brunette locks
Winking between strands
Really like this. The rose tinted reflections of selective memory! Also the choice of the word 'winking' added in the desire to rekindle and reconnect.
Residuals.
that charming chortle during SNL skits
American reference, but non the less relateable. Furthering the imagery of switch of mind set.
how her eyes shifts to the right when sipping her wine
Great line. All I have to say on the matter
how her lips quiver when she's telling a lie
Nuanced necrophiliac
Do not understand. Nuanced means to be subtly different, so the two ideas here strike me as odd. Weird juxtaposition! But on the flip side I like your twist that their lover is dead and not just a break up! That was cool.
I can't escape this dead space.
Perfect ending. You can't bring back the dead! So it remains stagnant and depressing! Dig it!