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Thread: I smoke a lot.

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    I smoke a lot.

    I smoke a lot...The Mad Tobbaconist
    Massive cancer risk
    Smog's part of me...clogged arteries
    *Cough*
    Start to wheeze
    *Cough*
    Hard to breathe
    *Cough*
    Heart disease.

    I drink a lot....Belligerent Bourbon Brain
    A different sort of pain
    Existing in a mist in the midst of the pouring rain
    *Burp*
    More liquor
    *Burp*
    Pour quicker
    *Burp*
    Sore liver.

    I lie a lot...a multitude of excuses
    What to do with the bruises?
    My brain as much a noose as the booze is
    It's nothing new, I'm a nuisance
    *Beep*
    Frig it, it's past nine
    *Beep*
    Shit, it's a pass-time
    *Beep*
    This is the LAST time
    *Beep*
    ......flatline.

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  2. #2
    Soule
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    This was pretty dope. Short and sweet. I enjoyed the concept but I'm a depressing prick so of course I would. It was very fluent. Could there have been more depth to it? Of course. Does it hurt that there wasn't? Depends on the reader I suppose. For me. It was good the way it was. Short and to the point with just enough of a creative impact to make it worth reading. Good stuff.

  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    John, I just don't think you've fucked up your body like me and Darryl have! This is a perfect description of the life of a habitually smoker and borderline alcohol haha Seriously though, genuinely masterful. You became a beast! I will give better feed tomorrow!
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
    tha pendragon mal diction's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    for those who sacrifice a man of right, not just a man of right, but a true man of right... must seek water ... or seek sea
    aka Sorrow: the Broken Wing

  5. #5
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    I was JUST about to say that.

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  6. #6
    tha pendragon mal diction's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    i said it though
    aka Sorrow: the Broken Wing

  7. #7
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    Clever use of Tri bars and staccato lines. Definitely feel that this can be one of those don't smoke shit right now commercials with the fine ass bitch with the hole in her neck and cum streaks drying to the orange juice embers of a Kools short telling me not to partake in the ritualistic animalistic orgasm she is convulsing on taking a drag and her eyes fill up with nicotine splotches. Yeah definitely can see this....


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  8. #8
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    what up witness!! its good to see you back posting my man, you know we go way back buddy, this was a great piece of writing fam, short but fucking explosive, brief words that just cant hold the impact, the progressions after each cough, burp, beep, they were precise and honed into a level of connection that gives us more than a glimpse, reading this made me really imagine scenery and see things and subliminally makes the mind fill in the blanks, particularly i loved the beeps, the ideas of how a beep can just be attributed to so many situations of life, its fucking insane, and the potential of that thought calls out to be expanded on. mechanics were great and the vibe was something in it's own, a fresh breath and pretty inspiring. thanks for the read!
    GreaterDesignGrowers.com

    Im not a rapper, im a gardener

  9. #9
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    people don't know how to deal with these situations, but they stay strong.
    What a beautiful story.

  10. #10
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    True.

    I'm also a beautiful person.

    Physically.

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  11. #11
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    This was dope i can relate to this piece. I wore the same shoes as the very large statistic being portrayed in this poem. Also your accuracy on the discriptive language of real life addiction and ware and tare on our health and soul..idk lol guess im trying to say is man i actually know all three scenarios so that automatically grasped my attention.
    Nothing really surprising here witty...but simple and dope.
    AI

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  12. #12
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    I liked this. Now I see its flaws and it bothers me.

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  13. #13
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    Flaws or no flaws you floored me with the great honesty of a what a fucked up situation can do to the brain, can do to the person, can do to someones life, can do to make you feel that you alone are in a situation where no one and nothing can pull you out of the abyss.
    Its not easy to write in a style thats not the norm for rb so i take my hat off to you witty for staying true to your instincts and listening to your intuition where your craft is concerned. you quite obviously dont conform to the norm or whats expected or what you think might impress and by doing just that...you impress.
    you're always a pleasure to read and tbh, ive missed your work so this was a treat to read.

    those pauses you had, the coughs and beeps and so on, just added to the machines i heard in my imagination and knew that in the end, the beep would just go from beep to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. flat line.

    you make me shiver with such organic reality.
    you hit home with a huge slap and it makes me want to break out of the way i usually write and dive into the deep end.


    so for that Witty, I thank you.


    Great work.
    Last edited by Emily; May 2nd, 2017 at 09:01 AM


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  14. #14
    Not a Newbie Nigma's Avatar
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    Re: I smoke a lot.

    Yo this was cool Witty. The most concise verse I've read in a long time. Conveyed a message eloquently in a very originally poetic manner. Refreshing read. You'd make fine moccasins.

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  15. #15

    Re: I smoke a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by MizzDelicious View Post
    people don't know how to deal with these situations, but they stay strong.
    What a beautiful story.
    noooooo Selena still hangs around!! damnnn hahaha

    as for this, it was dope. like a really simple vibe yet effective. i liked it a lot

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