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Thread: The Moment

  1. #1
    The Enforcer King Soul's Avatar
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    The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.

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  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Last line is 6 syllables :P

    - - - Updated - - -

    Actually it isn't! I tripped on diamond for a minute! I really like it. I love that your first line is a single word. Also the second line almost has only single syllable words that always brings with it a sense of rhythm, so I was definitely feeling that. I tripped on the last line, but I really like it! It brings in that element of stagnation to the proposal, like she said no, or just isn't drinking her fucking champagne haha Good drop
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  3. #3
    The Enforcer King Soul's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Yeah, diamond fucked with me too. Thank God for Google lol.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks for the feed esse
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  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.


    I like it. Love the first line. One word lines are sometimes so powerful.
    That was a good word choice.
    Second line: Nice. A little obvious, but still quite romantic.
    Last line: A little too much sits on reality here for me. Not that I dislike the line,
    it's just already stated from the pic that at the bottom of the glass sleeps a diamond ring lol.
    I'm such a cow. Regardless, i like this ku, just steps away from a dream like state and pops into
    reality a tad more than id like. The first line though, meshes with that word thats in your last line....'sleeps'
    and that to me makes a huge difference. Even with the reality seeping in, its still good.

    Nice one.

    Thanks Johnny.
    Last edited by Emily; April 26th, 2017 at 02:56 AM


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