User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: The Moment

  1. #1
    Oath Breaker Kingslayer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,761
    Battle Record
    3-0

    The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    10,974
    Battle Record
    18-0
    Awards OM HOF PS Champion PS HOF PS Season champ Legendary PC PC HOF

    Re: The Moment

    Last line is 6 syllables :P

    - - - Updated - - -

    Actually it isn't! I tripped on diamond for a minute! I really like it. I love that your first line is a single word. Also the second line almost has only single syllable words that always brings with it a sense of rhythm, so I was definitely feeling that. I tripped on the last line, but I really like it! It brings in that element of stagnation to the proposal, like she said no, or just isn't drinking her fucking champagne haha Good drop
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Oath Breaker Kingslayer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,761
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Re: The Moment

    Yeah, diamond fucked with me too. Thank God for Google lol.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks for the feed esse

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    5,325
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.


    I like it. Love the first line. One word lines are sometimes so powerful.
    That was a good word choice.
    Second line: Nice. A little obvious, but still quite romantic.
    Last line: A little too much sits on reality here for me. Not that I dislike the line,
    it's just already stated from the pic that at the bottom of the glass sleeps a diamond ring lol.
    I'm such a cow. Regardless, i like this ku, just steps away from a dream like state and pops into
    reality a tad more than id like. The first line though, meshes with that word thats in your last line....'sleeps'
    and that to me makes a huge difference. Even with the reality seeping in, its still good.

    Nice one.

    Thanks Johnny.
    Last edited by Emily; April 26th, 2017 at 02:56 AM


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •