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Thread: The Moment

  1. #1
    Catch Me Outside Johnny Omega's Avatar
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    The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.

    AI

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Last line is 6 syllables :P

    - - - Updated - - -

    Actually it isn't! I tripped on diamond for a minute! I really like it. I love that your first line is a single word. Also the second line almost has only single syllable words that always brings with it a sense of rhythm, so I was definitely feeling that. I tripped on the last line, but I really like it! It brings in that element of stagnation to the proposal, like she said no, or just isn't drinking her fucking champagne haha Good drop
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Catch Me Outside Johnny Omega's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Yeah, diamond fucked with me too. Thank God for Google lol.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks for the feed esse
    AI

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Moment

    Serendipity.
    At the bottom of her glass
    sleeps a diamond ring.


    I like it. Love the first line. One word lines are sometimes so powerful.
    That was a good word choice.
    Second line: Nice. A little obvious, but still quite romantic.
    Last line: A little too much sits on reality here for me. Not that I dislike the line,
    it's just already stated from the pic that at the bottom of the glass sleeps a diamond ring lol.
    I'm such a cow. Regardless, i like this ku, just steps away from a dream like state and pops into
    reality a tad more than id like. The first line though, meshes with that word thats in your last line....'sleeps'
    and that to me makes a huge difference. Even with the reality seeping in, its still good.

    Nice one.

    Thanks Johnny.
    Last edited by Emily; Today at 02:56 AM


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