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Thread: shattered

  1. #1
    SirVent
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    34
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    6,642
    Battle Record
    13-2
    Awards PS Champion/IE Champion Haiku Champion OM HOF PC HOF SOTW

    shattered

    you could take the sun away
    and I would still
    live.
    even on the darkest days
    the light from the porch
    would lead me
    away from your door.
    I knocked, you didn't answer,
    letters left to soak the rain.
    heaven sent a gift
    of pain.

    walking down a crowded path
    against the grain.
    a frown stretched across the planet
    blanketed my face.
    the coldness of your
    distance makes itself present,
    desolate, my mind spins
    back to years before.
    when you were my light

    and not just shattered glass
    that hides beneath my feet.

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: shattered

    This was smooth. Short and to the point. Daddy likey. Your wording was nice from start to finish, each line coherent with the next. Loved the last three or four lines, great way to end it. No complaints from me bro, great poem.

  3. #3
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Grizzly City, California
    Age
    37
    Posts
    3,160
    Battle Record
    16-5
    Awards PC HOF OM HOF

    Re: shattered

    Ok you stupid bastard here I am I figured sense I lagged on you a time or two on past collaborations I owe you some feedback igguess.I gotta say I liked this piece right here I almost thought you were referring to me but who knows?
    The descriptive imagery incorperated with this poem was nicely done. The emotion want over done or anything like that I must say that the first few lines of the second stanza was my favorite bro.

    See ya.
    AI

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