She Came

[143]

I can speak of random Julys that stood out in my timeline
Making shadows of the days past those points
Funny how it seems that my critical thinking is surrounded by heat
But this one July was spry enough to be the greatest
Even in the latest circumstances, this timepiece was a gem

She came
Twice in one night
But this is not a fuck, love, relationship piece
And if I said that she came to me in a dream, all I'm doing is impressing a random bitch who may read this
But she came
Twice
What I mean about this is that one time in the heat of the moment is enough and can be exhausting
But she doubled back (as you can see I like using "buts" I cannot lie...)
It wasn't an attack to change integral parts of my life or open doorways to some mystical higher thinking
She just was present
A rolling rock face in a stream of movement
Making my cold drink colder

And I know by now you are lost in the mist of what I am conveying and truthfully the words are escaping me as well
But (yes another) I still feel
Feel what was given to me
A chance
A lie
A point
Fathoming into what was unknown to the simple eye
Crafting from some twisted Hannah and Barbara cartoonish plot, a monolithic moment
TWICE

The first was a dewish morning following a rare fog that drifted over the Golden Gate bridge
Draping the Bay Area with lies that the day will be gloomy
It was simply minuscule in the interaction between us
She told me that my shoes were untied...
Looking for evidence and finding truth, I rectified the situation and begin to return the favor....
Gone in 60 seconds......only remnants of the Jontue perfume she wore

After the brief dance of sunlight vs cloudiness, a BBQ rose from the ground
It ignited the party genes of the neighborhood to unite in celebration
Every backyard gave smoke signals in reply
Dueling grills were in order.....

As the smells of cooked pork and hard liquor subside to the night time where scheduled light shows were broadcast to take place,
My danos corporales and I travelled paths to the dock of the bay
She in shorts and tanks with other who wore her uniform held a meeting in the ladies room
Upon walking out, God set a collision course for us...(He loves doing that)
The bumping led to griping which led to acknowledgement which led to smiling which led to us talking which led to walking away from our respective groups....
Finding Nemo and a place where we can shed the crowd's cover, we revelledin the grandeur of the light show....
As fireworks spread across the windless sky
We kissed.
We hugged
We were moving fast enough to skip dating and get down to fucking....
But (yes again) this is not a fuck, love, relationship piece

As the artful dodger, slipping pantylines down below her thighs, she slows the momentum
I am HIV positive and unless you are willing to take a chance, I am willing to dance.....
I was trapped in Monotheism silently recalling if infection could happen by kissing...
Mad as shit and disgusted by the tainting of someone so beautiful, I was reeled back to reality
I conveniently lashed out in anger since it's the only response a man can come up with
After she walked with tears of the sun falling to the coldness of the demeanor I was wearing, the intellect and respect return
I raced as if she took my life away
Revoking the tirade that took place and replaced it with friendship
She presented a refusal in return and I never saw her again...

I learned of her fate and the fact that she past in a lonely death 3 years later
And that July
I would never forget as the one person who brought soul and understanding to my life came twice......

[Emily]

I can speak of random Julys that stood out in my timeline
Making shadows of the days past those points
Funny how it seems that my critical thinking is surrounded by heat
But this one July was spry enough to be the greatest
Even in the latest circumstances, this timepiece was a gem

I like the story line flavour here. And by those two last lines in this intro I'm anticipating what you're going to bring.

She came
Twice in one night Thank you. I'm good. Smoke time : )
But this is not a fuck, love, relationship piece
And if I said that she came to me in a dream, all I'm doing is impressing a random bitch who may read this lol got that right.
But she came
Twice
What I mean about this is that one time in the heat of the moment is enough and can be exhausting
lol...trying not to smile.
But she doubled back (as you can see I like using "buts" I cannot lie...)
It wasn't an attack to change integral parts of my life or open doorways to some mystical higher thinking
She just was present Nice line.
A rolling rock face in a stream of movement Great line.
Making my cold drink colder That's lovely.

And I know by now you are lost in the mist of what I am conveying and truthfully the words are escaping me as well
But (yes another) I still feel
Feel what was given to me I like those lines, ...'I still feel. Feel what was given to me...' I like that.
A chance could be
A lie could be
A point
Fathoming into what was unknown to the simple eye
Crafting from some twisted Hannah and Barbara cartoonish plot, a monolithic moment
TWICE yep. TWICE.

The first was a dewish morning following a rare fog that drifted over the Golden Gate bridge Nice imagery.
Draping the Bay Area with lies that the day will be gloomy Aw, cool. Could have done without the capital in this line though.
I know its automatic, no biggie.
It was simply minuscule in the interaction between us
She told me that my shoes were untied... Ah-ha.The line that gets us laid every time ; )
Looking for evidence and finding truth, I rectified the situation and begin to return the favor....
Gone in 60 seconds......only remnants of the Jontue perfume she wore lol. I like it. Nice line.
But should it have been '...was th Jontue perfume she wore?' or am I reading that wrong?

After the brief dance of sunlight vs cloudiness, a BBQ rose from the ground
It ignited the party genes of the neighborhood to unite in celebration
Every backyard gave smoke signals in reply
Dueling grills were in order.....Interesting. The pictures are vivid. The pictures are BIG.

As the smells of cooked pork and hard liquor subside to the night time where scheduled light shows were broadcast to take place,
My danos corporales and I travelled paths to the dock of the bay
She in shorts and tanks with other who wore her uniform held a meeting in the ladies room
Something is off about this line. I think
a word is missing somewhere.
Upon walking out, God set a collision course for us...(He loves doing that)
The bumping led to griping which led to acknowledgement which led to smiling which led to us talking which led to walking away from our respective groups....
Finding Nemo and a place where we can shed the crowd's cover, we revelled/in the grandeur of the light show....
Ok, I like how you walk us through it. Bit by bit it all unfolds.
As fireworks spread across the windless sky
We kissed.
We hugged
We were moving fast enough to skip dating and get down to fucking....
But (yes again) this is not a fuck, love, relationship piece Well what the hell then? I mean all the moving and swaying and little details.
Where are you going, what are you two doing? lol. Eww, I sound like a pervert.

As the artful dodger, slipping pantylines down below her thighs, she slows the momentum
Hang on, I need a drink for this bit.
I am HIV positive and unless you are willing to take a chance, I am willing to dance.....DAMN. Skulled in one shot.
We need it to be clear about 'who' is talking. This line could have done with some quotation marks.
I was trapped in Monotheism silently recalling if infection could happen by kissing...Yeah. As you would. Even in this day and age it freaks me out.
Mad as shit and disgusted by the tainting of someone so beautiful, I was reeled back to reality Bang! Reality.
I conveniently lashed out in anger since it's the only response a man can come up with That's a humbling line 143.
After she walked with tears of the sun falling to the coldness of the demeanor I was wearing, the intellect and respect return
I raced as if she took my life away
Revoking the tirade that took place and replaced it with friendship
She presented a refusal in return and I never saw her again...Wow. Imagine what she's gone through. Poor thing.

I learned of her fate and the fact that she past in a lonely death 3 years later
And that July
I would never forget as the one person who brought soul and understanding to my life came twice......

Clever outro 143.

Sad tale here but written in an interesting way. I think what I liked the most about this were the details, the little iddy bits of detail that make
a story pop from the page and play out in your imagination. The story line is probably so real to some. I've never known anyone who admitted having aids
but I always feel for them because of situations you speak of here. Yeah, I liked this. Emotionally it went back and forth. Letting go and then grabbing you.
Cool read 143. Something very different from you this time around. Could have gone in the short story section but its not quite ready.
Anyway, I like it.

Good stuff.


Thank you.

[HongSar]

She presented a refusal in return and I never saw her again...

- - - Updated - - -

goldenslot

[walkerblack]

This is so good. Fuck.

Shouts out for the double entendres, intense realism, imagery, and general poetical ability.

This was such a good read sir