Everyday life (verse)

[DamOhOhOh]

At one point or another we have dealt with the drama
It could be fighting with friends or the baby mama
We're still trying to work through the issue
There's Similar situations resolved with a tissue

I notice we're slipping away, how long until you can trust me
I'll never give your secret away, even after my memories rusty
Friend ship and love the drama is constant
We need to adapt to every unexpected problem

with all these arguments I never mean what I say
They are accidents that never make it okay
I want to look back a year from today
and know that we chased those clouds away





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Im not set on the title for this piece. Suggestions would be nice ��

[Sammy]

a very charming little piece, my man. i don't know how true to life this is but i can only judge it on its written merit so if i stepped out of line, i apologize in advance.

At one point or another we have dealt with the drama
It could be fighting with friends or the baby mama

not that complex rhyme schemes or rhymes are the be all end all, but drama/mama is a tad on the basic side. the metric was nice giving it a good rhythmic aesthetics but the baby mama fighting imagery is def more on the stale side.

We're still trying to work through the issue
There's Similar situations resolved with a tissue

again, tissue/issue is a bit basic. i do like the blunt honesty of those lines tho.

I notice we're slipping away, how long until you can trust me
I'll never give your secret away, even after my memories rusty

great imagery there, dude. trust me/rusty was def a step up from the one word rhyming stuff. good line!

Friend ship and love the drama is constant
We need to adapt to every unexpected problem

show, don't tell is a good adage to hold on to when writing. let me know about these friendship and love dramas. show it.

with all these arguments I never mean what I say
They are accidents that never make it okay
I want to look back a year from today
and know that we chased those clouds away

again, dug the honesty of that second line. it definitely ended too soon because the piece attempted only a surface exploration of the problem. but, honestly, i like this piece a lot better than the other one u wrote. keep on, cuz, ur already got the basics down.

[Cody Phoenix]

At one point or another we have dealt with the drama
It could be fighting with friends or the baby mama
We're still trying to work through the issue
There's Similar situations resolved with a tissue

Oh man, this was a eloquent down to earth way to open up to us and give us the level we need to be on with you... I loved these rhymes. Where are you?

I notice we're slipping away, how long until you can trust me
I'll never give your secret away, even after my memories rusty
Friend ship and love the drama is constant
We need to adapt to every unexpected problem

Record this. Speak out everything you write now and keep writing, don't stop. The flow is here, the writing and the language is perfect brother. I love it. We need more like you out here.

with all these arguments I never mean what I say
They are accidents that never make it okay
I want to look back a year from today
and know that we chased those clouds away

You have personality with your writing, what do you call yourself as an artist? It can't be your username is it? We need to change that haha.. Please hit me up sometime I wanna talk to you.

[/CENTER]


Overall this piece was short and sweet, I want to see more from you, can this be a conversation we have? Let me know. Thank you for sharing.... I got lots of critique I could give you in a 1 on 1 level, seriously. Talk to you soon hopefully..... good shit...

Call this piece "Friends"

[Lady Poet]

Rhyming is Scheme
you had some pretty cool styles
great start off so far, it would be more if you add more lines