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Thread: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

  1. #1
    Soule
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    The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    TheButterflyEffect
    By Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer



    Japanese sensu's
    Frolicking on my days bloom
    Romantically

    Symmetrical peace,
    the hues of blue correspond.
    Like two dancing leafs.


    Its Tie Die blankets
    Wither wild performances
    Basking in sunlight

    Serenity follows
    behind tropical coattails.
    A fruitful display.


    A taste of heaven
    Angels swimming gracefully
    Mother natures toast

    Serendipity.
    Shockwaves of colorful joy
    fluttering in glee.


    It resembles hope
    In pursuit of happiness
    Civilized eye candy

    Precious remedy.
    If only the world could see
    the butterfly's wings.

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    This is really really nice fellas! the cohesion between the two of you is extremely strong whilst stylistically remaining undisturbed by one another. It felt as though there was only one writer, so I think that's a poignant accolade you've achieved. I would have perhaps preferred a little more engagement with the senses as I feel the times when you did engage it worked really well, for instance; the taste of heaven/toast line and the visual references you make. So yeah, a little more of that would ice the cake nicely! I think the for the most part your respective word choices were perfect. ' frolicking on my days bloom' and 'the hues of blue correspond' are probably my favorite lines of the piece as they paint a vivid image as well as just sounding very smooth and authentic. Overall really nice work! Wish I wasn't such a lazy cunt and got involved :P Next time faggots.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    There's a lot to like about this piece of work. Not only do both writers mesh well and camouflage the fact that there are two of you
    but the flow works like a charm. Sometimes when people write collabs it's a little obvious when a new writer takes over, but with this
    I'm actually having trouble trying to find that kind of slip up. You both did well balancing your writing style to come out with a whole stack
    of haiku that work as one. I also adore the colourful language. There's original quotes in this and that's refreshing to see.

    Its Tie Die blankets
    Wither wild performances
    Basking in sunlight

    Serenity follows
    behind tropical coattails.
    A fruitful display.
    Colours pop in my imagination. Wording is crisp and comes alive.
    Tie die (should be 'dye') blankets is sensational. As is 'tropical coattails' and 'fruitful display'.

    A taste of heaven
    Angels swimming gracefully
    Mother natures toast
    lol Love that. I love all of that. All three lines. That's great.

    Civilized eye candy
    Never heard it put like that before.
    That's clever.

    Precious remedy.
    If only the world could see
    the butterfly's wings.
    I'm a bit confused by the outro. The world 'can see' a butterfly's wings so I'm a bit confused by the'...if only the world could see...' bit.
    I understand you mean if only the world could see and appreciate its beauty, but that screws with syllables lol.
    I like the way it goes out, don't get me wrong. It's just that it's so literal in meaning and that shakes me awake a bit.
    But you know I'm nit picking here so, no biggie.
    The fact that you guys have so much description packed into this, and a smooth ass flow makes it a great collaboration.
    Like I said, colours that touch the sky. That burst out of the scene and land right in front of my eyes.
    This piece came alive for me.
    Yeah, there's a lot here to like.

    Well done to both of you for following the leader so well.

    Great read.


    Thank you.
    Last edited by Emily; June 5th, 2017 at 09:05 PM


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  4. #4
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    Thankyou Both.
    AI

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  5. #5
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    Y'all have big hearts. Thank you for the amazingly long feedback.

  6. #6

    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    This was dope.

    No line outshines the other. It was a full force of poetic emotion and imagery.
    You both did an excellent job with the diction you chose. Flow and symmetry
    Was what really shined here. You is managed to write something that is seem less
    In style and tone.. this reads like one person wrote it, which is a hard thing to do
    In collabs . Indeed this was an outstanding showcase of good writing. I thought KT
    WASNT GOOD AT HAIKUS? Lol
    DamNation

  7. #7
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

    Bump
    AI

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