Matter of Time

[Truth Iscariot]

Fragile minds and weary eyes. Bedeviled, blind
He remains leery that binds he's bound to
Will be tantamount to a nail in the coffin
These visions fill his thoughts often.
Seen daily. Asking self, "Hey maybe,
We'll not dwell on the negative today"
"Negative", self says, We're helpless
Held within a prison built with
Bars surrounding your psyche
All you are. Your weak, your strong
Your meek, your mighty
The rights and wrongs you've decided upon
The cross which you'll ultimately die upon
The moment you decided whose side you're on
The lines drawn, factions divided the dawn after
These are times of mental warfare
All you seek is laughter
Pain is what is in store here!
Peace, for which you beesech has grown a cancer
And it's only a matter of time....

[Sammy]

this is pretty great. Truth, im starting to really really dig ur style because its very conversational. The Mother piece was an example and now this. The antithetical theme ran throughout the verse giving it a strong cohesion. There were some minor syntax errors (your/you're) and perhaps some cliched wording

These visions fill his thoughts

nail in the coffin

^^although i understood that it was a flip on an old idiom, still the actual phrase of it is not uncommon. However, the minor blemishes did not do enough to detract from the read. From my initial read, this verse was about external and internal pressure slowly cracking an individual. My fav segments are the more humanistic observations like:

Seen daily. Asking self, "Hey maybe,
We'll not dwell on the negative today"
"Negative", self says, We're helpless

there's a strong organic feel about those lines. Reminds me of a dude name Zenland over at netcees. And when you wanted to, you kicked in some beautiful traditional waxing

The lines drawn, factions divided the dawn after

overall, this was dope man. ur def one of the cats i look forward to reading.

[Emily]

Fragile minds and weary eyes. Bedeviled, blind
Top line. Great intro.
He remains leery that binds he's bound to
I don't know why that line confuses me a little.
Will be tantamount to a nail in the coffin
These visions fill his thoughts often.
I like the soft rhymes at the end. And I also like the comparison of his thoughts, as I see it, being driven in like nails.
Seen daily. Asking self, "Hey maybe,
We'll not dwell on the negative today"
"Negative", self says, We're helpless
Held within a prison built with
Bars surrounding your psyche
Good descriptions here Truth. Nice strong images that don't bend but hold it all with conviction.
All you are. Your weak, your strong
Your meek, your mighty
*you're* I like the conversational style here. I like the mindset battling the good and bad sides. I like the struggle on show.
The rights and wrongs you've decided upon
The cross which you'll ultimately die upon
Faaaark, that's a beautiful line ^^^. That's golden music to me. Golden.
The moment you decided whose side you're on
So much reflection taking place. Good stuff.
The lines drawn, factions divided the dawn after
These are times of mental warfare
All you seek is laughter
Ugh.....That's great. Well written. Loved all of that. It sounded like a bomb went off right after 'all you seek is laughter' and I'm left with an electric shock and an eerie silence after the fullstop.
Pain is what is in store here!
Peace, for which you beesech has grown a cancer
And it's only a matter of time....

Wow. Great outro. Really good ending.
Truth, this was cool. You're able to bleed a mindset that's so fixed on destruction, like it's set concrete, it won't budge an inch.
Such a huge fight to have to take on. And can someone win when there is so much opposition?
I think you did well drawing the internal struggle we all live with from time to time. The lack of confidence, the fear in side us all,
the feeling of walking the plank. You want to swim, but you're sinking so fast, you're drowning.
Yeah, this was good. This was very good. I like that you can step off the edge of a cliff, and let your minds eyes do the talking.
This was an emotionally driven piece. I sank my teeth into it. I dig it. It kind of hurt me lol.
I think this is a display of what we've felt from time to time, but most of us would never show it, let alone admit it.

Gutsy writing.
I like it.
It's raw and real.

Thank you.

[Jukon]

you started out strong with that first line, but I'm also confused with the second line. It doesn't read right, maybe I'm not reading it correctly, lol. Coffin line was good, gives a lot of depth and strength to the person's 'thoughts'. the first read through of the 'your weak' etc bits confused me because, I thought you were saying that they WERE those things, but you were collectively saying, YOUR strong, YOUR weak. I get what you were trying to do, but I can't explain it. Does that make sense? lol. The cross line was fucking great, and it resonated with me. heavily. it's the best line in the entire piece. the line following was great, and provokes a lot of thoughts and i appreciate that. outro was solid as well. sorry this isn't as in depth as I wanted. but i really enjoyed the piece. aside from the 2nd line this piece is nearly flawless for me.