L.L.L. Week 2: Iron Mic (0 – 1) vs Meth (0 – 0)[Feed]

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o...psz6glnivw.png

LLL RULES!

verses due thursday 11:59PST
Minimum Lines = 10 Lines
Maximum Lines = 20 Lines
Extension: Up to opponent
3 voting links required LLL champ, FL CHAMP and LLL Contender matches required
2 no shows you out for the fallowing week.
3 no shows you out for season.

Since everyone MUST Vote on Champ/Contenders
Those battles will be Majority Votes WIN!!

[Meth]

Check ho

[IronMic]

Check.

[IronMic]

Probably posting tonight around 5ish CST unless you need an ext @Meth

[IronMic]

So you wanna dance?

It’s game time, Meth – You’re off-base if you think your bullpen bigger
My team got the K’s blasting – all strikes but it’s not a no-hitter
I guess I’m not a great pitcher. I hit you with everything that I throw
Call me a miracle worker, I’m just trying to help you walk again bro
Dude is washed up. Meth is getting hosed when the tool gripped in my fist
Light with the trigger finger but not a single shot mist
When I hit ya girl’s cat, daddy’s what she calls me but we ain’t romancing
The can-can send so many ripples through her stomach it look like she belly dancing
It’s over, my flow corrosive, so blame the rust on your losses
And remember Iron is nicer than you could ever be regardless of polish

[Spree]

IronMic wins by NS Open For Feed

[Lenox]

Hey iron nice verse. Man you're getting better, but you still need to work on your execution. Which is not a problem because it'll happen soon. You're getting better FAST. Belly dancing was actually pretty decent btw lol

[Wuxia]

So you wanna dance?

It’s game time, Meth – You’re off-base if you think your bullpen bigger
My team got the K’s blasting – all strikes but it’s not a no-hitter

☆ You did a fantastic job with this concept, off-base/bullpen/k's/strikes/no-hitter, your setup complemented the punch and you supported the concept all the way throughout. You had a theme and abided by it. This was an EXCELLENT punch. I rated it so low because unfortunately it's a played concept, with the k's/strikes flip being used several times before. But this is how you want to craft your punches. Drop subtle hints that help deliver your punch with impact. You did that. Well done.

I guess I’m not a great pitcher. I hit you with everything that I throw
Call me a miracle worker, I’m just trying to help you walk again bro

☆☆☆☆☆ I actually thought this bar was dope. You stayed with the baseball theme and did everything right, much like you did with your previous theme.

Dude is washed up. Meth is getting hosed when the tool gripped in my fist
Light with the trigger finger but not a single shot mist

☆ Wasn't really feeling this, the setup should never be longer than the closer. It should be opposite, short setup, long closer. By the time I finished reading your setup I was fatigued.

When I hit ya girl’s cat, daddy’s what she calls me but we ain’t romancing
The can-can send so many ripples through her stomach it look like she belly dancing

☆☆☆☆☆ This was nice.

It’s over, my flow corrosive, so blame the rust on your losses
And remember Iron is nicer than you could ever be regardless of polish

☆☆☆☆☆ Another great, complete theme.

Not a bad verse, bro.

[DzasteR]

It’s game time, Meth – You’re off-base if you think your bullpen bigger
My team got the K’s blasting – all strikes but it’s not a no-hitter
I picked up on the concepts, not bad but work on your wording bro. This really could've did something - but you getting better. Good shit
I guess I’m not a great pitcher. I hit you with everything that I throw
Call me a miracle worker, I’m just trying to help you walk again bro
Again, picked up the concept, your setup line was a little off. use ya setup to prep the punch. Its easier to catch the flow and the gist of the bar before we even get to the punchline. You got it...
Dude is washed up. Meth is getting hosed when the tool gripped in my fist
Light with the trigger finger but not a single shot mist
This didn't work out with the mist - hosed - washed up mix. Wording again.. the mist was what messed up the punchline. Keep working on it
When I hit ya girl’s cat, daddy’s what she calls me but we ain’t romancing
The can-can send so many ripples through her stomach it look like she belly dancing
Your best bar here..good shit. I like this
It’s over, my flow corrosive, so blame the rust on your losses
And remember Iron is nicer than you could ever be regardless of polish
Could've been a better ender, don't ever lose your focus on staying consistent with your punches. Seemed a little filler here, always finish strong..

Nice verse. You getting better and better. Keep taking the criticism. Critique other battles, get some ideas of how its done - work in to your own style and in to your ideas and concepts. You'll do just fine. You getting there bro. Good shit man!!

[Art.]

Dope verse iron ....

The first two bars I thought were raw ... the first one read a bit funny but still dope imo the belly dancing line was dope didn't like the mist and the last line I thought was more of self glory which I'm a fan of but you get in trouble with some people here who criticize those bars , dope verse my g keep it up

[Joe Boston]

Decent verse my dude i liked the miracle worker bar. The belly dancing bar was pretty dope and also nice closer. Just gotta make sure it was only on one bar the shot mist one the setup was longer then the finisher. Make sure ur setups and shorter and your finisher right to the point. Your opener couldve worked on executing that finisher better. Overall decent verse props on showing.