(My Girl) LIFE

[Truth Iscariot]

Me and my girl Life have a thing.
I come running back despite the ache & pain she brings
A coward's solution would be to forsake this bane!
I cling to the turbulence. Willingly I am chained to the storm
It's her wit, her grace, her charm, her truth
That ignited this Stockholm rocket. Orbiting abuse; Happily in harm

This affair lasted for decades...I mean it's lasted four decades
Dreams the only escape from that "stress" thing
She always seems to bring more storms
It's never less rain than the day before
Alarms rung to warn me of trouble
"RUN"! They implore. Life and I coexist through the scuffle
I think she craved the pain. Bitch was insane

Would shoot me down in flames while cursing my name
Just to assemble my ashes in Phoenix fashion,
Throw strife my way just to analyze reactions...
Slights were many. Plight aplenty
Identity of self riddled with sights from the heighth of the lowest esteems
In spite, My girl Life designed the binds which in time will arrest my dreams
Lady, you've been deemed world's leading deferrer
I've seen it clearly since the days my name was initially murmured...

It was a Wednesday. Haven't gotten over the Hump ever since
Sometimes I find fate inclined to resist advances raining on me like overcasts when
Tornado hits or volacno spits lava, Damn! I can hear the magma-plastered skin singe
Black-lipped-bastard masking pain with the rappin'
Attacking in retaliation, clothes tattered, eyes wide - I'm dangerous
Chaos in my Anger's midst

Life came to us yappin' bout stacks, success...Angel Dust
Herion bars caging us - they're taming us with their devices
Vices tight when warm vibes towards suicide hit
Give us this thing called life, enticing offers craved until we're stuck realizing
Surprise! Your eyes will see more plight & pain than pleasure gained

Words spoken against her birthed in vain!

Me and my girl Life have a thing.
I come running back despite the ache & pain she brings
A coward's solution would be to forsake this bane!
But
Me and my girl Life have a thing...
I cling to the turbulence. Willingly I am chained to the storm...
That ignited this Stockholm rocket. Orbiting abuse; Happily in harm...
...Contentment sets in-Grievances disarmed

[Soule]

Sup man. This was alright. The concept was relatable and the wording was pretty clever at time. My biggest issue with the piece itself is your rhyme scheme. Wasn't really feeling it bro. It kept the piece pretty monotone and that hurts a lot from the reader's perspective when we are looking to find a smooth flow as we read. I never got that from this. But rhyme scheme and flow aside this was an emotional piece that shows how fucked up life (and women lol) can be. Keep writing bruh.

[Emily]

Me and my girl Life have a thing.
I come running back despite the ache & pain she brings
A coward's solution would be to forsake this bane!
I cling to the turbulence. Willingly I am chained to the storm
It's her wit, her grace, her charm, her truth
That ignited this Stockholm rocket. Orbiting abuse; Happily in harm

Firstly I have to congratulate you on her name. Life is a wonderful name.
Second I'm used to you not always rhyming hell for leather and I like that it takes all sorts of writers in the pool of art
to show us how different styles can work and this is no exception. I expected certain rhymes somewhere, but found them elsewhere
and thank god you're not predictable like that. I think we're all used to strict rhymes being placed throughout, especially at the end of every line and when that doesn't happen we're all too ready to say 'the rhyme scheme'. But I'm all too aware of how great a writer you are and if you didn't want rhymes there, then it's time for us to break the mold of mundane expectations and broaden our horizons a little. Zen used to get his head ripped off because of structure. He'd never structure his work the way we expected it to be and so they'd do his head in about it. Not many congratulated him on doing it differently. Most wanted him to follow the leader...which is what we consider the norm. But Zens never been able to be put in anyone's preconceived notions of what's normal. And he stands out from the crowd because of it and that type of writing has pretty much became his signature style. And its refreshing to read.
I'm very aware that you can write a piece and fill it with multis and internals and scatter rhymes everywhere, so if you don't, I know it's because 'you don't want to' not because you don't know how to, and that's the difference.... you have the confidence to write how you want. You have that freedom and you don't need to conform.

This affair lasted for decades...I mean it's lasted four decades
Dreams the only escape from that "stress" thing
She always seems to bring more storms
It's never less rain than the day before

You write in a story like fashion. I think you're actually able here to add more content because of that too.
You don't have to sacrifice content for heavy rhymes, but they're still soft and scattered.

Alarms rung to warn me of trouble
"RUN"! They implore. Life and I coexist through the scuffle
I think she craved the pain. Bitch was insane

Love it. Good job. That last line was beautiful.

Would shoot me down in flames while cursing my name
Just to assemble my ashes in Phoenix fashion,
Throw strife my way just to analyze reactions...
Slights were many. Plight aplenty
Identity of self riddled with sights from the heighth of the lowest esteems
In spite, My girl Life designed the binds which in time will arrest my dreams

I think those first lines have great description. I mean, I can see her head's like a hot coal sizzling.
The reflections are also good. The fact that you said she throws strife your way just to check out how you'll deal with it. I know a few people like that. Bit of game playing. Yeah, that's good.
I'm not big on the word 'heighth'. I don't even know if I've heard it used before lol. That's probably why.

Lady, you've been deemed world's leading deferrer
I've seen it clearly since the days my name was initially murmured...

And that ^^^ was pure gold. Your name was murdered? Ugh, I love the way you put that.

It was a Wednesday. Haven't gotten over the Hump ever since
Sometimes I find fate inclined to resist advances raining on me like overcasts when
Tornado hits or volacno spits lava, Damn! I can hear the magma-plastered skin singe
Black-lipped-bastard masking pain with the rappin'
Attacking in retaliation, clothes tattered, eyes wide - I'm dangerous
Chaos in my Anger's midst

Truth, you've got good pace. You've got detailed story. And you've got pure emotion.
Can't beat that. It hits the spot for me.

Life came to us yappin' bout stacks, success...Angel Dust
Herion bars caging us - they're taming us with their devices
Vices tight when warm vibes towards suicide hit
Give us this thing called life, enticing offers craved until we're stuck realizing
Surprise! Your eyes will see more plight & pain than pleasure gained

You're gonna hate me, but be careful of using obviously strong words, twice.
It's the second time you've used 'plight' and even though it's a good word with strong imagery,
using it twice, imo, lessons the effect overall.

Words spoken against her birthed in vain!

Nice.

Me and my girl Life have a thing.

This line alone is a winner. It's a top line.

I come running back despite the ache & pain she brings
A coward's solution would be to forsake this bane!
But
Me and my girl Life have a thing...
I cling to the turbulence. Willingly I am chained to the storm...

I'm aware that 'Life' might not be a woman but actual 'life' and I think you've given this
story layers by going that deep into it. You've given me more levels to think about and that
opens up a whole stack of ideas that are always welcome.

That ignited this Stockholm rocket. Orbiting abuse; Happily in harm...
...Contentment sets in-Grievances disarmed

Beautiful outro. Lovely wording. Great meaning behind the words. Good reflections.
Nice melody with pace and rhyme. 'Happily in harm should't get a smile from me but it's so good.
Yeah I like all of that ending. It's solid. Solid as your story.

Truth, don't go changing. You've got it. You've always had it. And you'd be a fool to adhere to anyone's expectations.
We all have opinions, some will like it, some won't. The most important thing is that you do though.
It takes all sorts. And reading something left of centre is so satisfying and refreshing for 'me'.
I'm just talking about me. No one else. This is my opinion, and the world might not agree, and you know what I think
of that huh? lol Yeah. That's it. ......care factor - ZERO.

Great Read.

Thank you.

[Truth Iscariot]

Thank you so much for the beautiful feed Em. And no hate lol we've talked about my repeat use of strong words before. In fact I think it was plight last time as well (I love that word lol)