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Thread: Iron Man

  1. #1
    The guy below me is gay. Easy.'s Avatar
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    Iron Man

    No seven trumpets, no nuke to wipe us off the map
    No heaven for masochistic hypochondriacs
    No destruction scheme, our tech could stifle comet blasts
    It was a machine that helped man find his bodybag
    The way he moved in steel debunked the laws of physics
    An idea once sealed by Nostradamus visions
    A Titan without the feeling of a God's invention
    Bulletproof; An Achilles with a flawless tendon
    "Stop his mission" they said, to thwart the death of victims
    Sent to the future, hoping I would catch the villain
    "Tell their armies, you won't get a second chance to kill him
    His presence must be part of their collective wisdom"
    The Beast was forgotten after years of dormance
    A cyber-sasquatch, his tale told for mere enjoyment
    Sent here before it, I'd provoke its fear and torment
    A curtain call, and I'd bow after my weird performance

    Has he lost his mind?
    Can he see or is he blind?
    Can he walk at all
    Or if he moves will he fall?

    The past is easy, but the future is a new frontier
    Regardless, I can't afford to screw up here
    Can you imagine love by those who you revere?
    And your name falling upon once clueless ears?
    Is this partially for fame? Of course it is
    Nerves unraveled as i see electric forces spin
    As the wormhole's traveled I feel metamorphosis
    Transforming, it's like a T-800 with a morbid twist

    Nobody wants him
    He just stares at the world
    Planning his vengeance
    That he will soon unfold

    Was i buried alive? Slept like a kid in preschool
    I was Rip Van Winkle dipped in a sinkhole
    Crushed by the dirt like I was getting steamrolled
    I need out from under the earth and with its people
    A digging spree to forewarn humanity's perish
    Tell a girl she asks what kind of metal I'm wearing
    Another points, says I'm a tin can and they stare it's
    Like they don't care i say their death is apparent
    Confused, I glance at a near reflective surface
    I look next to perfect with my hardened epidermis
    I am the Beast, treated as some man whose worthless
    I contemplate and now I understand my purpose
    A victim of circumstance, my life was hard to begin with
    My passive ways, and attempted martyrdom's ended
    No heart or repentance, I realize my targets are endless
    And let out a roar, for I can now start what I finished

    Heavy boots filled with lead
    Fills his victims full of dread
    Running as fast as they can
    Iron man lives again

    Links:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...09#post8867509

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10#post8867510

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  2. #2
    The guy below me is gay. Easy.'s Avatar
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    Re: Iron Man

    Can this get some feed

  3. #3
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Iron Man

    It's like you mixed in the story of Capt America with this. Your storytelling kept the piece moving and brought an interesting view. The way it was crafted made it easy to follow. You touch the edges on depth with this and thought you should have gone deeper. There were some point where you could have gone into the character more bringing his resurrection to a new level. Other than that you did a good job with this.


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  4. #4
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Iron Man

    Deep... short and I already know I didn't catch every glimpse... but my mom was when I was child I don't know by fact but enough to know true and how it zips when too much to bare to the one that comes after you. Hmm.. what else? When it goes to nothing to lose to every thing to live for it's like glitch in a matrix but still militant in faith knowing either way. You know lies are hard to dispel cause junk science is based on a theory that can be backed by like bias facts. That's not facts. The seven trumpets hysterical but the 4 horsemen real (in my opinion 5 just one never comes back... it's all sacrifice in either side) but if it doesn't feel right... it dead wrong and like it's best to be real at all times then fake at any of that makes sense to the piece and I read it write. Either way something mad important I needed to read right now that touched me personally.
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  5. #5
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: Iron Man

    ^you Cray girl..
    Umm yeah so easy this was a pretty dope read. Some really great descriptions for tho mechanical man that is ultimately the hero and villain of the future. The Achilles tendon line was clever was a little put off by the questioning self reflectiveness I'm the second verse. But you came with some cool descriptions once more in the third verse, also really like the rip van winkle in a sinkhole line. Flow and descriptive mechanics were pretty cool and made the content really pop. It ended with a kind of terminator vibe and had a cool story line to follow. Thanks for the read!
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