Untitled: feat 143

[Venom]

Venom:
Trapped in a black hole of grief and lost hope
Tap into my beliefs and you'll see a lot broke
My soul has imploded into a cloud of hot smoke
Enrolled with unloaded trauma on this shoulder
I can't bare it sober so I embarrass myself loaded
Declare myself devoted to despair and eroding
Terror. I'm slowly scared into a lonely stare
If only there was a known repair for being

Lost and out of control, no care
No soul to console so aware
Of the whole world being so cold
X3

Venom:
Impossible puzzle, life is a hostile struggle
We're all lost and the cost is doubled with each subtle
Bit of trouble we come across, hostages
Tossed in the mix and boxed in by bricks we call houses
This is the cats game and we just mouses
Mouths to feed how's the crowd to be filled
When we ain't allowed to be real, spiritually killed
Conformity lay dormant in me, fuck uniformity
I'd rather be unique than another carbon copy freak...
I was born to be king, I've worn the crown of thorns at least



143:
Compartmentalize lethargic-ness, lost in the art of this
An artisan marginalized, life's the part I miss
Farming the harming, my armaments in armistice
Calling from being offered, oxygenless, now carbonous
Testing bounds, confessing, failing to subjugation
Bludgeoning viable exits from hell to social sublimation
Craving the cream, but the crops stop my resuscitation
Aging in dreams, visual death locks down in acclamation
Fizzing the edges, the light brightens to dire outcomes
Trying to link wins, but the loses keep me being out-strung

Lost and out of control, no care
No soul to console so aware
Of the whole world being so cold
X3


- - - Updated - - -

Links:Tea time by Lyrics
Traitor by disciple

Phones not letting me post the actual links for some reason sorry

[_Lyrics]

Sup guys! This was a pretty tight keystyle collab. Venom, you started off with a nice flow, it read smooth and sensibly, definitely had an audio kind of ring to a lot of the wording. It was also a good look how the verse ran into the chorus pretty well and made it stand out more.judging by the chorus cold world wouldve made a good title for this, regarding the second verse, the rhyme scheme is pretty consistent, lots of internalized rhymes help carry the flow on I did think the first verse read more enjoyable for me. 143 you have some really great wording here but there are some instances that just doesn't come across natural at all. Liked the first bar and the set up to the second, armaments in armistice is great, but oxygenless and carbonous wasn't very natural in its setup. I mean the direction can be honed in a bit more with sharper descriptions and your work would be pretty flawless. Anyways as a whole this was a cool collab and read really really well for an untitled piece put together.

[SELF ACTIVATE]

Venom.
I thought your first verse was pretty blasé. It rhymed find and nothing came acrossed as being forced or unnecessary, but to the same degree nothing really stood out to me either. It was like a warm up drill and seemed like you were kind of just going through the motions. Your second verse however was a more pleasant and enjoyable read. I liked it rhythm more and your content was more electric and commanding. I could hear your written voice in my head and expressed yourself well and you exercised a suitable amount of creativity while doing it. In a nutshell it was pretty good my dude. Props.

143
I thought your flow and interwoven scheme was pretty dope. Obviously, your vocabulary is always worthy of a mention. As for the content ...uhmmm ... idk if I actually caught it all. It reads a lot like a free verse or a collection of singular ideas. It was an interesting exhibition of lyrical prowess to the least. I dug it.

[A Disciple]

The dormancy is like the death I see
But conformity like the calamity
Little boxes like on weeds for the daily
But only on the stay low and then save the bail for me
Ya know?

Just kidding... I loved this piece