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Thread: the blues

  1. #1

    the blues

    got the blues a bit about a bitch
    wanna hitch but "if she quit" makes me sick
    got a pain that don't desist so quick
    lets me hit and i persist i can't resist
    defeated i'm licked beaten till i'm sleepin
    can't rest so i forget where the car is at
    like cardiac arrest the pain in my chest
    hard to detect so stay smashed it's best
    sometimes detest myself since i crashed
    what does she see in me lord i love that ass

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...95896-One-wife
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?495819-Found

  2. #2
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: the blues

    Adorable and I loved it... nice rhyme schemes but you could’ve maximized on them with a little fluff on words in the middle. Short in sequence worked well too!!! Good read...
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  3. #3
    - Retired - #PrimeTime's Avatar
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    Re: the blues

    I didn't like it. This piece was way too short for it to mean anything. <- Actually the amount of time it took me to write that sentence, was actually longer than the time it took to read this piece. This was real lazy. I doubt you'll come back here to improve your writing, but I think you could cut it......if you read some old OM HOF pieces and see were you can get up to.

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    Originally Posted by Celph Taut
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    sick, bro. Holy shit. Absolutely captivating lyrics. never seen something so explosive, dynamic, and quintessentially mesmerizing! Keep it up!

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