User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Twin flames

  1. #1
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Twin flames

    The pain in my heart reminds me that were still a part, and part of him is in pain
    The burning of my right rib when in angers reminds me that im not all that insane
    Like a reflection in the mirror looking back and rejecting you
    When it’s everything on earth to you and you’re powerless what can you do
    I haven’t figured out what it means when my heart growls
    I imagine when another approaches in deceit and prowls
    Catching memories of us back then still stuck on my pillow
    sometimes I catch a scent of you and the memories become overwhelming and billow
    How much longer are we gonna play this game
    And what does it mean when he doesn’t feel the same
    I’m not gonna play I’m alone again 3 years and 3 months tonight
    The only thing I seem to commit to are the words that I no longer write

    Link one: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...5898-the-blues

    Link two: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?495812-bored
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  2. #2
    - Retired - #PrimeTime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    6,852
    Battle Record
    58-60
    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: Twin flames

    Multi's on point, I think that's clear. However, from beginning to end, your lines are severely stretched. The flow was off here and it becomes choppy as hell with your bars going too long to be followed by the following bar's lines to be too short. The topic here was cool, but it was real short for it to have any true "feel" of it. No hate, but it is what it is.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by Celph Taut
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    sick, bro. Holy shit. Absolutely captivating lyrics. never seen something so explosive, dynamic, and quintessentially mesmerizing! Keep it up!

  3. #3

    Re: Twin flames

    This was good overall, I found this to be very introspective:

    "How much longer are we gonna play this game
    And what does it mean when he doesn’t feel the same"

    Good lyrics.

  4. #4
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Twin flames

    Thank you @cz
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  5. #5

    Re: Twin flames

    Been many years since I left some feedback, so here it goes for 2018....

    Opener was good, but slightly stretched, when I read the next sentence it was like meh that could've been better. I got lost in translation in the middle then it came together towards the end but still finished it off to quickly.

    Flow was good, felt the emotion in the first few lines then it was more like 'I need to get these few lines finished off' so emotion faded away. I guess adding some multies in the middle of your lines will maintain your consistency regarding your flow.

    White-Winter

  6. #6
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Twin flames

    Thank you @green _winter
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •