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Thread: Faithfully

  1. #1



    I must confess
    through the pain
    words are weapons
    they wound sometimes
    we are gathered here together
    in union under the garb of love
    let's all come together
    through the inner silence of the morning
    each of us must be embraced faithfully
    a future filled up with love
    gone are the days I used to walk in a haze
    like a mouse stuck in its maze
    faithfully to the one I love
    holding hands as we walk along the shore
    I never felt like this before
    for you are the one I'm living for

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  2. #2
    Pat Blynd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Battle Record

    Re: Faithfully

    Not bad. If I can offer some advice, though- use punctuation. For example, your first 3 lines are awesome. But how you wrote it will be read differently than if you had a comma after confess and pain and maybe a period after weapons. Now, maybe you don't want it to be read in that way, and that's cool too. But since you have no punctuation throughout the whole piece, I don't really know what type of pause I'm supposed to be taking after each line if any. Keep writing, for sure. Unfortunately this section of the site appears to no longer be too active.
    "A Poem can curve
    Like the bell of a tulip
    Or a pistol grip"
    -Joel Dias-Porter

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