Thoughts.

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Thread: Thoughts.

  1. #1
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    Thoughts.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Behemoth-Black
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...faced-and-evil
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...r-was-the-text








    .
    .

    Sittin' down with a pad and a pen, at it again,
    Sippin' a whiskey fifth, lit. Let the havoc begin...
    It's a sad state of affairs when there's hate in the air, this quick,
    They can't compare what's made in apparent mischief...
    .
    I've been thinking 'bout a girl that I knew... her skin and her hair on my fingers,
    I've been drinking and been hurling it too... I've been here, and I been worse...
    The vanilla in the air only lingers... Echoes from a pair of lonely singers,
    Ghostly clear then never there... Weird ephemeral tear... Love mostly stings... Burns...
    .
    If I was a stronger man, I would act in ways I knew to be right,
    And if I took a longer stand, I would have to be bathed in a muted light...
    Standing at the top of a tower, hopped up on power,
    Naked waist and complacent, facing hate and devastation...
    At the end of a long gore plan, my woods hacked and decayed... what a putrid sight...
    .
    One day, I will be skeleton dirt, hella inert. Bones clothed in roaches. You eva wondered,
    What a sunrise looks like, one eye crooked right, the other decaying as the weather thundered?
    When my heart stops beating, stops bleeding, mops needing a home can find shelter in the love that I've known,
    Until then, I'm a devil with a pen, high mud river bends. Souls and minds swelter in the flood that I've thrown...
    .
    .

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  2. #2
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    Re: Thoughts.

    So literally no one feeds on anything in this site? Good to know.

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Venom's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts.

    I could be wrong(correct me if I am) but I seems to be more of a subconscious stream of thoughts...too disconnected to be a polished piece
    However the rhyme ability, the mechanical prowess here, the flow, I really really dig that. Very good. I definitely enjoyed reading.

  4. #4
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    Re: Thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Venom View Post
    I could be wrong(correct me if I am) but I seems to be more of a subconscious stream of thoughts...too disconnected to be a polished piece
    However the rhyme ability, the mechanical prowess here, the flow, I really really dig that. Very good. I definitely enjoyed reading.
    Thank you my man. There's a thread through it all but I completely hear you that it's not made clear.

    I appreciate your feedback.

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Venom's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts.

    Bump

  6. #6
    rule 38. Celph Taut's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts.

    This is dope. The rhyme schemes were top notch and there is a seamless balance between its complexity in storytelling. You don't sacrifice one narrative to help the other, it meshes naturally. I agree with Venom, it's obviously a free-verse type piece more than anything, which is up my alley. Although polished is dope, you can't count out that raw unorthodox freestyle writing approach, either. Overall, a really good read. Keep it up.

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  7. #7
    Rumble In The Bumble.. B Bumble B's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts.

    Sittin' down with a pad and a pen, at it again,
    Sippin' a whiskey fifth, lit. Let the havoc begin...
    It's a sad state of affairs when there's hate in the air, this quick,
    They can't compare what's made in apparent mischief..

    damn.. starting off with a bang the flow is banana's here along with a great use of completely unforced multi's.. nice!

    f I was a stronger man, I would act in ways I knew to be right,
    And if I took a longer stand, I would have to be bathed in a muted light...
    Standing at the top of a tower, hopped up on power,
    Naked waist and complacent, facing hate and devastation..

    This section is fire, really well written man.. flow and multi's to perfection again!

    This piece was completely sick.. flow was banana's.. the last stanza was a bit stretched IMO but other then that way above average on your use of multis to create a sickening flow.. lyrically above average.. vocabulary was good.. I really really enjoyed this piece, one of my favorite reads in recent memory.. keep dropping!

    8.5/10

    I never dance with the devil, even though he'd like to try
    Jesus Christ's got my fly- I've never actually been to heights this high

  8. #8
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    Re: Thoughts.

    @Bumble B @Celp Taut and @Venom thank you dudes for your feedback. I really appreciate you.

    If you ever have something you'd like me to read, hit me up in a PM. I'm more than happy to read your work and share the love. Don't let me miss it just cuz this section is so dead!

    - - - Updated - - -
    @Celph Taut

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