User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Impasse

  1. #1
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    NC
    Age
    33
    Posts
    12,904
    Battle Record
    14-18
    Awards OM HOF PC HOF

    Impasse

    Life and I were at an Impasse,
    Dueling over the proper way to make this sacred thing last
    You see...
    The bond we share is the stuff of fame.
    I rush to claim my Love my Flame
    But in storybook fashion, Life doubles as Tormentor & Bane
    Consuming joy but nursing pain. Why must we play this game in the Devil’s vain?

    Answers I beseech,
    Until Fury unfurls to fevers peak
    Haven’t I given enough? I ask Life the Leech
    This parasitic curse with which I was bequeathed

    Life bellowed back sweeping firm ground from beneath me,
    “HAVE YOU TRULY GIVEN YOUR ALL TO ME?!”
    ...Her Catapult words mark Gibraltar’s fall -defenses stall...
    I haven’t an excuse to give or an aide to call...
    Had I truly begun to live imprisoned by lack of passion?
    ...That’s Death to a wiseman if you were to ask him...
    Did Life try to teach me only to receive apathy as a reaction?
    I mull over words. Accepting the hurt that is fact
    I had once turned back towards existence
    Forsaking what was sacred without plea or repentance

    AI

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    2,930
    Battle Record
    1-3
    Awards Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Impasse

    Strong first verse. Don't capitalize "impasse". Don't use ellipses after "you see".
    Ending isn't particularly creative.

    You personify life, and that is interesting. The dialogic form is cool too.

    Good work. Feed something around here.

  3. #3
    AJ The Menace Echelon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Age
    28
    Posts
    913
    Battle Record
    9-22
    Awards Biter Award

    Re: Impasse

    Good verse. I enjoyed the strong feel you had with this piece. Was written properly and accordingly, with your conjuction and stature. Nothing really to fault on this, piece. Had all the essentials, and was written' well. Nice one, man. Liked the contrast you had with everything, nice.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •