Straight up

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Straight up

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Martyring's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    165

    Straight up

    I'm warped
    Bored out of my mind
    A bow and error
    in the wood of eternity
    hunting cheer like bright
    blazing deer in the night
    Hazy seers just might
    be caught in the rut
    stagnation.

    A walking Stargate
    covered in hieroglyphs
    Smoking spliffs
    playing old fast punk riffs
    from the heart; era everlasting
    sentry of the soul
    letting prophecy unfold
    unfol unfo unf un u.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    647

    Re: Straight up

    I feel like you’ve gotta be an alias.
    Either way I didn’t really enjoy this.
    Besides it not really connecting together in any way
    The rhymes were pretty messy
    Maybe I read it wrong, certainly possible
    I’d like to see a more put together thought out piece in the future
    Peace

    - - - Updated - - -

    Omfg I’m an idiot my apologies I thought this was in the open mic
    I realize this is a poem now lmao
    Disregard everything I said

  3. #3
    The Cloud God Andrew Sinacog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    188
    Battle Record
    3-2

    Re: Straight up

    This was pretty good, Martyring. You had one line that really stood out with this piece, 'a bow and error' in the 'wood of eternity; good contrast on recollection. 'Hunting deer' was another good line I recalled. Good work on this. Reminded me of a hazy cowboy piece, was quite nice. Hey, I'm a seer and i'm not lost in the stagnation. I suppose I know exactly what you're talking about, and I enjoy it? Good work, man. Was quite nice in it's way. Good poetic poem. Was enjoyable, piece. Good to see poets like this out the wood-work. Good work, nice. Keep writing, hope to read more.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •